Mountains
by She'sAShipper
Summary: When the Grissoms can no longer rely on science or evidence to find support, they only have one choice...to lean on each other. Updated January 2, 2009! COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Mountains**

**Author: She'sAShipper**

**Rating: T-M**

**Genre: Drama/Romance/Angst**

**Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from CSI or its characters. I just like to borrow them. The title is borrowed from a wonderful Lonestar song that I don't own either but I think will fit the premise of this story nicely as it goes on.**

**Special thanks to Giwu for being my beta on this piece. I hope you all enjoy it.**

Dr. Gil Grissom and his wife of nearly two years, Sara Sidle-Grissom walked hand in hand in the mall about 25 miles outside Las Vegas . When the couple was able to share the rare night off with one another they wanted to escape the chaos, the noise, and the memories of human frailty.

As they walked, Grissom used this thumb to gently rub the back of Sara's hand in small circles. He could not get enough of touching her and while they were definitely well suited sexual partners, it was the small non-sexual touches he liked the best. She leaned towards him and on him as they strolled, her head near his shoulder, soft brown hair brushing his cheek, the smell of her vanilla shampoo teasing his nostrils. By nature, Grissom was observant but it was not the softness of her skin or the sweet scent of her hair that got his utmost attention, it was instead the path of her gaze.

From minute one in his seminar to just the previous night processing evidence Sara challenged him professionally, never afraid to expand on his ideas, provide her own, or totally disagree with him. Personally, though she was more subtle, maybe even submissive not really giving voice to her desires or wishes and rarely challenging his with any force. In the workplace she was an asset and at times a worthy adversary. At home, she was a staunch supporter, a quiet alibi, and sometimes seemed to be very cautious and unhappy. He would ask her what was wrong but she'd only kiss him and smile, so he carefully learned to watch her, to study her that was the only way to learn what was truly on her heart.

There had been a central theme to her visual exploration lately; Carter's Outlet, Motherhood Maternity, Baby Gap…similar to what occurred after they'd been dating a and living together for awhile at his townhouse. She had started reading the classifieds for a larger place, window shopping at jewelry stores, and Pottery Barn, never voicing her internal wishes or desires, but when he'd caught on and she saw he had cared enough about what she'd wanted to study her and read her heart he was rewarded by the one thing he wanted from her above all else, he beautiful smile. That was all he really needed, to make his wife, his love, his Sara happy.

He stiffened though realizing what train her thoughts were on, they'd never discussed a child or a family at all. He never thought Sara would want to have children, she was nervous and even skittish around them. She would even avoid Lindsay, but still the evidence never lies and all her "evidence" indicated Sara was indeed feeling the time wind down on her biological clock. He would mention it at home before bed that night. In the mean time, Sara had felt him tense. She was always sensitive to the slightest chance in his mood and his tension prompted a soft, "Gil?" The way she said his name spoke volumes and asked a hundred questions.

"It's nothing, Honey," he replied. "I was just thinking."

She nodded, "Are you getting tired?" Neither had been sleeping well lately and for a change his insomnia had been worse than hers. It was her fault, he could read her like a book and she'd been sad recently. He would always ask her why, because he wanted to help her feel better and deal with whatever issue she was battling. She would never say, because she could never trust him enough not to be angry or hurt that she placated him, even though it never worked.

He nodded, "Not really, just tired of this place. What do you say we head home?"

She agreed, "Sure. Can we get one of those pineapple smoothie things first?"

He chuckled and smiled at her, "All right, Honey. I'm not sure how you came to actually like those after…"

"Do not even think about finishing that sentence," she warned playfully as they joined the line.

Sara sipped at her smoothie as they drove home, a Mozart CD filling the car with music. As Gil carefully concentrated on the road making sure not to miss any possible hazard, Sara got her chance to study him as he always studied her. His eyes were tired, there were bags beneath them and silently she vowed to put her body's urges to rest setting her own mind at ease and by association her husband's. It wasn't fair to him, he'd promised her his love, protection, fidelity, and devotion and he'd delivered. She had taken enough. She had no right to ask for more.

"What's going on inside that head of yours?" he asked as they hit the interstate exit near their townhouse.

"Just thinking about everything you've given me," she replied. "You've given me everything, you know?" She absently twirled her simple gold wedding band on her finger; neither had wanted nor saw the need for a fancy token.

"No more than I've gotten in return," he replied. "A beautiful wife, a home, not just a place without work related things but a real place to relax, unwind…"

"And put up your Ecklie dart board," she laughed. "And we waited nearly ten years to do this because…?"

He frowned before softly replying, "Because I had to say the words to you and I couldn't."

"I didn't exactly say them to you," she soothed knowing he deeply regretted his inaction.

Grissom manipulated a turn into their driveway, cutting the engine, and shifting to park before turning to face his wife. He reached for her cheek with his left hand, their motion detector light reflecting off his wedding band as he brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. Their eyes met, his were thoughtful and tender as they held hers like a pin to a butterfly. She always froze when he looked at her with that intensity. He didn't say anything he simply tilted his head and kissed her, a gentle kiss, his upper lip between her upper and lower lips pulling and tugging gently, a lover's caress. Once their lips parted he refuted her prior absolution in a whisper, "You did, Honey. You told me a hundred times, in a hundred different ways. I'm sorry."

Sara brought her hand up to cover his and pressed her cheek against the inside of his palm, "That's over, now. All I have to do is look into your eyes to know you love me," she whispered leaning a bit to place a light kiss on his lips. "Cherish me," she gave him another kiss, this one a bit more lingering. "And worry needlessly about me." This time she traced the darkness under his eyes with her fingertip before placing two gentle kisses there, one under each eye. "Your feelings for me come out louder and clearer like this than any other way."

He smiled gently at her, "Let's move this inside, Honey. We both need a good night's sleep."

She nodded and the pair exited their vehicle. Their townhouse was exactly that, theirs, even with opposite likes or dislikes in some cases. That in return for her overlooking his pet tarantula and insect specimen on the book shelves he kept his fetal pigs and experiments at the office, not in their home refrigerator. It took a bit of doing but they finally reached the pleasant accord.

Sara headed for their bedroom immediately while Grissom let their dog out to his business and run around for a bit. She turned down their bed while thinking of a way to get this weight off her mind. Maybe if she just mentioned it to Gil offhand she could put her mind at ease. Still it was not something they ever discussed though she thought he'd probably be open to it. She was in the bathroom changed into a silk navy blue nightgown he had given her for their anniversary. She usually preferred his shirts but he liked to see her wear more feminine sleep wear every now and again. She turned on the water faucet to clean the paste from her toothbrush as Grissom entered their room and stripped down to his boxer shorts and undershirt before joining her by the sink.

"Was Jerry hungry?" she asked. He'd been occupied longer than it usually took him to walk Bruno.

"No, just lonely," he replied putting toothpaste on his brush.

"Can spiders be lonely?" she asked clipping her hair up before exiting the bathroom.

"I'm not sure. Entomologists can be," he replied.

"Well you don't have to be anymore," she answered. "Why? Do you want to get your uh, Jerry, a companion?"

He laughed at the name, "I still cannot believe you named my spider."

"Makes it easier to forget I actually married a man with a pet tarantula if I call it by a name," she replied with a smile.

Grissom rinsed the toothpaste from his mouth, "I'm haven't really thought about a companion. It's not a bad idea. He might flourish with one." He slipped into his side of the bed and opened his arms to his wife, "I did."

She snuggled into his warm, solid embrace resting her head on his chest like a pillow. They laid there is silence, his hand absently caressing her arm, occasionally kissing her temple lightly. "Sara, you know whatever it is that's bothering you, you can share it with me?"

She began to tense and pull away but he held fast, "Come on, Honey," he encouraged.

"Gil…" she sighed his name in a weak protest. "It's nothing. It's not important."

Placing another light kiss on her temple he countered, "If it is important enough for you to hide; it's important enough for me to know. If it's keeping you awake nights, I need to know so we can talk about it."

She nodded, "You're right. You always are."

He grinned, "I know. That's why I can't understand why you continue to clam up on me."

"Because I'm…I'm never sure…" she began and trailed off.

"None of us are," he replied. "But you and I…we know each other very well. So usually guessing about what the other person is feeling or thinking isn't very hard to do. For example, I all ready know what's been on your mind, I just…"

She cut him off and cuddled closer, "You just want me to get to a place where I can tell you outright and you don't have to read the clues."

He rewarded her with a quick kiss, "You see," he complemented. "You can read me well. You never, ever, have to be afraid or nervous about talking to me about anything, including this. Please, Honey tell me what's on your mind."

"You see," he complimented . "Please, Honey, tell me."

"I'm almost 36 years old and by my age most women…I finally have with you so much love, happiness, and I…I really…"

"You'd like for us to have a baby," he finished knowing she would still be struggling to tell him on her own.

She nodded, "Yes. I…I want to have a baby, your son or daughter." Her eyes shone with excitement as she spoke. "I don't know why but I always wanted to be a mother and you…Gil, you would be…Any baby would be so lucky for you to be his or her…"

"Sara…" Grissom began but she continued.

"Imagine a child, Gil. Most children ask such hard questions and most parents can't actually answer them, things like 'Daddy, why is the sky blue?' But you could and without having to go to the internet to find out and I could…"

"Sara," he said again a bit louder while sitting up to break her out of her dream world.

"What?" she asked, still beaming with excitement.

Grissom shook his head, "No."

"No? No what?" She asked feeling confused and beginning to feel scared.

"No baby. I don't want to do this, Sara," he clarified firmly.

Sara stared blankly at Grissom eyes filling with tears. She couldn't believe what she just heard, "You knew…you knew what I was going to say. If you didn't want us to have a child why did you push it? Why did you want to talk about it so badly?"

"Because you did," he replied smoothly, sliding his legs over the edge of the bed. Sara was sitting up straight, cross-legged with her elbows resting on her knees. She looked so hurt he knew he couldn't keep his resolve if he had to look in her eyes.

"You see, this is why I don't want to talk about anything with you," Sara told him getting off their bed to expand their physical distance.

"Because I wouldn't agree with you?" he asked. She never said anything like the before.

"Because you wouldn't hear me," she replied. "You wouldn't ever hear me."

Sara's voice choked up as she said that and she was battling to hold back tears of hurt and humiliation. Grissom realized there was more to her upset than his not wanting to have a child.

"I do hear you," he countered, rising and moving to stand next to her. She was crying and turned her back to him when he approached her. "You need to hear me. I'm not always going to be in agreement with you, we both know that but it does not mean we can't talk and share. Before we got married we shared all the time, since, you've been you've been holding everything inside of you."

"I…" She sniffled and let him put his arms around her to comfort her. "I guess I felt I finally had…All I ever wanted was you…Us. I didn't think I had the right to ask for more from you than that."

His reply was to pull her closer and slightly sway back and forth. "You can ask anything of me. I may not always be able to give it, I may not always agree it is best for us, but I'll never turn you down to hurt you. I promise."

She nodded against him, then pulled away, "But I am…Hurt, that is."

"Because I said no?" he asked.

"Because of how you said no," she replied. "You didn't even give me a reason. You…you spoke to me like you speak to Bruno when he's pawing through the garbage. That hurt."

"I know it did," he acknowledged. "I wasn't trying to hurt you, but…As much as I thought I knew what you wanted it caught me by surprise. Let's start again, I will listen to you and talk with you as long as you promise to do the same."

"Would you like some tea?" she asked, her way of agreeing to explore the topic further.

"Mint," he replied and followed her to their kitchen.

Sara brewed their tea while Grissom sat at the table petting their dog, collecting his thoughts. After a few minutes Sara sat down across from him passing him his cup. Her eyes were still tinged red from crying as she delicately sipped her drink waiting for him to speak. He finally did, "Where did this idea of us having a baby together come from?"

"I…Zachary Anderson," she replied. "I saw you kneel down and pick him up, hold him close…"

"That's ancient history," Grissom cut in. He hated remembering that case, he avoided anything to do with it.

"No it's not, Gil," she countered. "If it was, you wouldn't wake up screaming in a cold sweat. Additionally, you can't tell me what happened between us that night is history."

Grissom was quiet a moment recalling the day they had found Zachary Anderson's little body swaddled in a baby blanket on a golf course green. He'd held the little boy praying holding him would make him come back to life. Never before had he lost his professional aloofness to the point of nearly destroying evidence on any other case or to the point of shedding tears on the shoulder of a subordinate coworker. Even then, Sara was even then so much more than that.

_Late April 2001_

_Sara should have been surprised when she opened her apartment door to reveal Grissom, eyes red, face tear streaked, looking completely lost and handsomely vulnerable, but she wasn't. She'd regretted her harsh words to him a few weeks back and now felt the urge to console him as he battled with his feelings. She looked at him and simply stepped to the side of the door to silently invite the sad and broken man that was Grissom inside. It was all he could do to walk through the door._

"_Griss," she said softly. "Come sit down on the sofa."_

_He didn't move, just stared blankly at the floor Sara moved to him led him towards the sofa. "Sit down," she urged and he did. She sat down next to him and took his hand. "Grissom, I have no idea where you are right now, but I want to be here for you if you need me to be."_

_He squeezed her hand and cleared his sore, hoarse throat. "Could…Could I have a glass of water, please?"_

_Sara went to rise and bring it to him but he didn't let go of her hand. "Griss, you have to let go so I can get you the water. I'll be right back."_

_He let go and she brought him a cold glass of spring water. She sat next to him and offered it to him. He didn't move to take it so she set it on the coffee table and took his hand again. They sat there silently for awhile until he finally spoke, "I'd never held a baby before, never actually planned to either but…What's that charity commercial…A child should not die in the dawn of life. He was so small, so light…" He stopped and his voice cracked as the tears started again._

"_Come here," she urged and pulled him close. "I can't say anything to make this right. I wish I could..." Her own tears began to fall then moistening Grissom's hair. His response was to press his cheek more firmly against her breast and tightened his arms around her._

_Grissom's head was pounding, a fierce migraine taking grip squeezing mercilessly at his skull. He couldn't help in his vulnerability emitting a small noise of distress. Sara had heard it before, during two incredible yet chaste nights in San Francisco. She knew what it meant, "Grissom," she said gently. "Do you have your medicine?"_

"_No," he replied, his voice strained from tears and pain._

"_Stay still," she replied. She went again to the kitchen, this time for and ice pack. She returned quickly and sat down again encouraging him to lie down his head in her lap. She held the ice against temple and stroked his forehead until he fell asleep._

For that night he'd been vulnerable, for that night their emotional safeguards had been released as two hardened souls grieved for the loss of a truly innocent life. They never spoke of it again, to each other or anyone else until that very moment. "It's not," he replied. "We found our something special, but just because I held and mourned a wrongfully dead little boy doesn't me I should be a parent."

"You…You just looked natural even in that horrible moment and from then I've dreamed about a little boy or little girl with my hair and your eyes being held like that, close and safe, though very much alive," she confessed.

"Honey, I'm not the father type," he replied.

"How do you know unless you try?" she asked.

"Trial and error, Sara?" Grissom sighed. "Being a parent isn't something you try and fail at. You of all people should know that."

"I do know that," she replied. "You are not going to fail. Is that why you don't want to do this? Because you are afraid you won't be a good father?"

"No," Grissom protested. "No, that's not it at all. There are a lot of reasons, but that is not one of them."

"He protests too much," she quoted as Grissom's cell phone rang.

"Grissom," he barked into the phone partially angry, partially relieved. "No it's all right Jim. I'll be right there."

Sara raised her eyebrow at him over her tea cup in silent question, "Desert dump decomp, they need my help to establish time of death. I've got to go." She nodded as he leaned over to kiss her before grabbing his field kit and walking out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All standard disclaimers apply. I do not own them and if I made money writing fanfiction I wouldn't have to be a chef.

Notes: Thanks to Giwu for the beta. Great job!!

Chapter 2

Sara didn't see Grissom again until she reported to work the next night. She came in early with two veggie paninis from one of their favorite eateries. She was certain Grissom hadn't eaten anything since they had dinner the previous night.

She smiled at Nick who had pulled a double shift to help cover for Grissom and her being off and greeted Catherine, "Hey, heard you guys had a fun night."

"Yeah," Catherine replied. "I'm sorry we had to call Gil. There really wasn't a way around it."

"It's fine," Sara replied. "I brought him some dinner."

"He'll need it. He hasn't left his office all day," Catherine confirmed. "He looks exhausted. You both do."

Sara sighed. They were both exhausted and after her revelation the previous night it would probably be a long while before they had adequate sleep again. To Catherine she made an excuse, "My insomnia has been really bad lately. You know how Gil worries about me. He stays up with me and tries to help me fall asleep."

Catherine smiled, "I'm so glad that you finally got everything worked out between you. He's much easier to be around now. But please - go feed him."

Sara nodded and headed toward Grissom's office. She knocked as she opened the door, "Knock, knock, Mr. Wizard," she greeted while smiling gently at him. "I come bearing sustenance. Panini from Rizzo's."

He looked up from his desk where he was busy working on an entomological time line for the new case. "Thank you," he replied removing his glasses and rubbing his tired eyes. "I'm not really hungry right now."

"You haven't eaten since last night," she reminded him. "At least eat half with me before shift."

He acquiesced and nibbled at his sandwich, "I never used to let emotions interfere with cases," he said after a moment. "But when I see body dumps like this one…a young boy, 16 maybe, multiple facial fractures put out like the trash…"

"Did Robbins give a COD?" she asked opening her own sandwich.

"Probably a frontal skull fracture," Grissom replied. "I'm working on TOD now."

"Anything I can do to help?" she asked. Sara hated to see Grissom like this, she hated to see him hurting, angry at whoever or whatever caused the loss of innocent life. She would do anything he needed, be it hold his hand or dig in the trash if it would help ease the load he carried.

"Yeah," he replied. "The dump sight is remote but popular. I'm going to be here at least a few more hours setting up the charts. Nick is going to need help with the unknown tire treads he lifted from the dump site. There are about thirty of them."

"Fun," Sara sighed. "Neither of us should work any extra hours tonight. We both need to sleep."

He nodded, "I'll probably try to head home a bit early. Good luck with those treads."

Sara set to work busily printing and testing tire treads with Nick. By the end of shift they'd narrowed down the tread to three vehicles, two of them likely. They hit a dead end when neither of the registered owners turned out to be viable suspects and both owners had their vehicles in their possession the entire time.

While Sara loved her work just as much since she and Grissom had come together she was always ready to go home and spend time with him. Tonight she was dreading returning to their home. They'd been in the middle of a serious talk when Grissom had been called to work and by the way it was going it could end in their first serious fight. She just didn't know how to explain her desire for a child to her husband. If only she could somehow convey it in words then she hoped Gil would be able to understand.

She drove around their block an extra 90 minutes past when she should have gone home. Gil's car was already there and their living room light was burning in the front window. He had called her cell a few times but she hadn't been ready to talk with him so she didn't answer. Taking a deep breath she got out of her car and went inside the house.

Sara expected Grissom would be waiting up in the living room or the kitchen so she was surprised when she saw Bruno was the only one on the sofa. She greeted him with a pat on the head, stored her field kit, secured her firearm, and went to their bedroom.

Grissom was in their bed, all lights off but the reading light on his side of the bed. The covers on her side were pulled back, the tear stains on her pillow still visible, "Hi," she spoke softly as she hung her purse on the back of the door.

"Finished driving around the block?" he asked , not looking up from his book.

"How…" she began but he cut her off.

"When I called and you didn't answer I checked at the lab. Greg told me you left two hours ago," he explained. "It would have been nice if you would have called and told me you planned to drive around an extra 90 minutes so I didn't worry but I figured if I really had a reason to worry, Jim would have called…so I followed the evidence."

She stared at him. He had said all of that without taking his eyes off his book, "Wow. I think that is probably the most you've ever said to me at one time."

"Hmm," was his only response. He marked his page and set the book on the nightstand. "Sara, you know no matter how much you try to avoid or hide from our problems they aren't going to go away," he said.

"Problems?" she queried. "I wasn't aware we had "problems." You're the one with the problem, Gil." She began undressing as she spoke, removing her shoes and socks.

"I don't have a problem, Sara," he replied. "I just don't want to have a child."

"You don't and I do, which is the very definition of a problem," she replied.

"A problem is something with no easily assessed solution," he countered. "We have a dilemma."

She removed her pants and shirt. She was getting angry and working her way into a full Sidle rant. "Semantics," she argued. "Regardless, problem, no "problems" was your word."

"Yes," he replied, calmly, steadily. "Because if anytime we have an issue to work out, a serious decision to make or a disagreement that needs settling you are going to avoid the issue. Our problem is a lot more serious than deciding whether or not to procreate."

She pulled her nightshirt out of a drawer and slammed it shut, "You are just looking for excuses," she angrily. "You don't want to give…You don't want a baby so you're searching…"

Her voice zoned out just then but her body language said it all. Calmly he slid out of bed and approached her, firmly and gently gripping her shoulders. "Stop," he told her. "Just stop and calm down. You know this gets us nowhere. Just stop."

She did and met his eyes. As usual there was no recrimination or anger, just an abundance of love, understanding, and desire. He leaned over and brushed her lips with his, "Why don't you clean up for bed, then we can start over, okay? Let's take a break, regroup, and start over. Okay?" he asked.

Sara was thankful for her husband's cool and level head. She nodded, "Okay. I'll only be a few minutes," she said.

She removed her makeup and brushed her teeth. She'd been unforgivable to Gil just then and he just let it go like he always did. By the time she left the bathroom he had picked up her shoes and socks and straightened up their room. He was sitting in sleep shorts and a tee shirt on her side of the bed. He opened his arms to her, "Come here, honey," he said.

She did and sat beside him, snuggling close resting her head on his shoulder. Neither spoke for awhile until with a light kiss on the top of her head he broke the silence, "I didn't mean for my feelings about us having a child to hurt you."

"They didn't," she fibbed not wanting to upset the peace they had found.

"The waste basket is full of tissues, honey and your pillows have tear stains on them," he softly pointed out. "We have to finish our talk. It won't go away unless we do. Neither you nor I will be able to sleep until we talk all this out."

Grissom was being so gentle and sensitive Sara did not want to lose that moment in a talk that would end with one of them satisfied and the other upset. She ran her hand across his leg and lightly rubbed, "Not yet, Gil. It's not talking we need right now."

He did not agree with her at all, but he also knew if she wasn't ready to talk she would shut down on him and the issue would never be resolved. It would be better for him to slow down and let her set the pace for the time being. If he had pressed her, she would have given in. She never told him "no" outright but her eyes pleaded with him not to force this. He cuddled her closer rubbing her arm with his hand, "We both need sleep, love," he reasoned. "I won't be able to with this void between us."

She pulled back from her snug cocoon in his arms, slid off the bed and maneuvered to kneel before him. She smiled softly then gracefully rose. Being sure to work every aspect of her femininity she crossed their room to the stereo and switched it on filling bedroom with elegant piano music. She moved back to him and with the same grace lifted the hem of her nightgown. She drew it slowly up her long body over her hips, her breasts and finally over her head and off her body altogether."

"Sara," Grissom whispered. "This is not how we…"

She cut him off by grabbing the bottom of his t-shirt. She ran her knuckles over his sides ribcage causing him to retract and slide back at the sensation. She closed the gap between them giving him a light peck on the lips. He deepened their kiss dropping back on the bed pulling her on top of him his large hands moving over her soft naked back. "I love you," he whispered as he rolled them over so he was lying on top of her. This was how they liked it, traditional and loving.

He kissed her again, the tip of his tongue slipping between her lips and lightly engaging hers in an ancient lover's duel. He moved his right hand to touch her cheek and caressed the soft skin, "You are so beautiful," he whispered leaning over to whisper in her ear.

Sara's ears were always sensitive and he used that to his advantage, breathing heavily in her canal using his tongue to excite her. She moaned and lifted her hips against his excited shaft. "You're rushing me," she complained.

"Oh I'm not going to rush it, honey," he assured her. "I'm going to make it last. I'll take care of you."

And he did. They never had to worry about sexual compatibility. He always took his time with her, he was always sweet and gentle. She participated without controlling. Each of them perfectly fulfilling the needs of the other.

Entwined in a mass of tangled sheets, Grissom fell into his usual post coital slumber though it was normally a solid and content, and restful sleep. Sara often lay awake after sex, she frequently was awake regardless of any activity that took place before bedtime. This time she did not get to watch the peaceful rise and fall of her husband's chest, a hypnotic motion that could sometimes lull her into a nap of her own. That would not be happening tonight though, for his slumber was restless, his breathing ragged and strained as he tossed and turned, trying to find comfort, solace, or something entirely different.

Sara wasn't sure what plagued Grissom's sleep. It could be their unresolved issues or one of his nightmares. Either way she couldn't continue to watch the man she loved trapped in such pain. Softly, she touched his shoulder, "Gil," she whispered. "Gil, wake up."

Grissom's eyes opened immediately, "What is it?" he asked his voice husky with sleep.

"You were all over the bed, sweetie," she told him. "Were you having a nightmare?"

"No," he told her pushing himself up against the headboard. "I was barely asleep."

"I'm sorry," she whispered softly kissing his brow.

"It's not your fault," he soothed. "But we'll both feel better when everything is out in the open and settled."

She sighed, "Want to try that tea again?"

"I've got to shower first and try to wake up a bit, honey," he told her. "But I think I'll have the mint tea again."

Sara brewed two cups of hot tea, his black, hers with a twist of lemon. She tried to gather her thoughts about his reluctance to have children. Was it her? She knew he would be a fantastic father just as he was as a husband and as a crime scene investigator. It had to be her he doubted. She knew she was not as good a wife as he deserved, that had to be it. It wasn't that he didn't want to have children; it was that he didn't want to have children with her. He didn't think she would be a good mother. Still, it was unlike Grissom to conceal a fact regardless of the pain it might cause. She'd ask him and he would not lie.

She was waiting for him when he got out of the shower. He was considerably more awake but still very sluggish. "Okay," he sighed sitting down. "It is very clear we are at a huge crossroads and we cannot afford to handle it hastily."

"I agree," she answered. "You hate doing anything in haste. That's why I'm so surprised you outright turned me down."

"I don't see it that way," he told her. "I didn't turn you down."

"I told you I wanted to give you a child. You said 'no,'" she reminded him.

"A child is not something that can be given, Sara, not like a tie or a book," he stated pointedly. "A child…it is a miracle of biology and genetics certainly, but a very difficult one that I am not sure we can manage." He took a sip of his tea.

"Okay," Sara said as she took in his words. "You don't think we can manage. Why? You never rule anything out without having a reason."

"My first reason is that the same is true about you," he told her. "You never do anything without a valid reason and the only one you gave me so far is age."

"I don't know," she whispered. "I don't know why. Sometimes the best decisions are made because you just know in your heart…"

"Yes," Grissom acknowledged. "I could say the same about my decision that this is a bad idea, that and a lot of other reasons."

Sara sat back and crossed her arms, "Map it."

"Well, let's start with the economics," he said practically. "We can't afford a baby."

"We…" she moved her hand back and forth between them. "Can't afford a baby? Gil, you've been a CSI for 20 years, you've done lectures before that, you still do three a year and that's not even including the work that I do or the money from your articles. We are very comfortable. I could stay home from work for the next 50 years and we'll still be comfortable."

"You're figuring that for two people," Grissom countered. "And that is also assuming I stay healthy."

"Why wouldn't you stay healthy?" Sara asked. "Other than the migraines…"

"Other than the migraines, the high blood pressure, the otosclerosis, and a whole host of other things - not to mention I've over 50 in a high stress job…"Grissom didn't realize had raised his voice. "I'm not going to live forever."

"No one does," Sara parried. "I could go to work tomorrow and get hit in the head by a falling specimen jar. No one knows how much time they have."

"I'll grant you that," he concluded. "Still, honey, I'm almost 52 years old. Even if you got pregnant today I'd be 70 years old by the time he or she was in college. That's too old. Fifty-one, fifty-two is too old to start a family."

"Not really. There are documented cases of men who were in their seventies and even their eighties when they had children," she told him.

"Well, I'll bet that thrilled their wives to no end, only had to buy baby food and diapers at the supermarket," Grissom snapped. This wasn't getting him or her anywhere but upset. Why did she have to go ahead and do this?

"Gil," Sara was trying to remain calm. "I love you. I never had a real family and I…I know what it feels like to be loved by you. I want some other life that is out there with your brains and my wit and our stubborn streaks to know that feeling, too." Her eyes started to mist over. "If there is something you haven't told me that I need to know we may need to have another discussion. Are…" A tear fell down her cheek. "Are you sick? Is there something wrong?"

As usual her tears were his downfall. He got out of his chair and took her hand. He led her to the sofa and sat down. She at first sat beside him, but he urged her to move closer and sit on his lap. He ran a hand through her hair, "No, honey. I'm fine. I just…you and our life, I have everything I want. I don't see why we should upset what we have."

She adjusted her position slightly so she could see his face. He wasn't angry, just thoughtful. "When we first started I felt like that, too. I had wanted there to be an "us" that we both understood and finally there was. I never thought I would ever want something else, but I do."

"What more could I give you?" he asked.

"It's not like that," she replied. "It's not that you aren't giving…I can't really explain it you. I can barely explain it to myself. When we got married you promised…"

"I promised I would do anything for you," he reminded her. "I'd die for you, I always would have."

"I'm not asking that of you," she sighed. "I'm asking you to create a life with me and to raise that life with me."

"I can't do that," he told her. "Not when I know it's a bad idea. Neither of us ever had a real family, we have no blueprint for success here."

Sara started to squirm and he released his hold on her. She got off his lap, a new batch of tears falling. "You say you'd die for me and I believe that. I know you love me and I love you so much…I thought nothing could ever…you could never hurt me as badly as you did after the lab fire."

"I'm not trying to…" He told her sincerely but she did not let him finish.

"Trying or not doesn't matter, Gil," she sobbed. "Because nothing in my life ever, ever hurt as much as this does."

On that note she fled to their bedroom and shut the door. He would probably be angry she left in the middle of the discussion but she couldn't take the pain anymore.

Grissom had to battle his own tears after Sara's departure. Why was this so important to her? And more than that why couldn't he give in knowing his refusal made her cry like it did? As usual he had too many questions and not enough answers. For now he had only one question that really mattered, why to do about Sara. Should he go to her or stay put? Would he make it worse by trying to comfort her or by staying away? He just didn't know. He did know however, after sitting alone in the dark listening to his wife's sobs that he would have to try to resolve to this idea of being a father. He'd done it before, compromised with himself for Sara's sake, he could do it again, if necessary. But, this time, there was so much more at stake.

Grissom rose slowly and went to their room. The bedroom door was closed but not locked. He opened it and entered carefully. "Sara," he spoke her name just above a whisper. He stood at the foot of the bed, "I'm going to go out for a little while. We can talk more when I get home."

"There's nothing left to talk about," she whispered. "I'll just have to put it behind me and get used to the idea."

Grissom nodded though he knew she couldn't see him then he spoke as he turned to leave, more to himself that to Sara, "Or I will."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: All standard disclaimers apply. See Chapter one for full disclaimers**

**Thanks to Giwu for speedy and excellent beta reading.**

Chapter 3

Grissom hated seeking advice. He very rarely needed it and when he did it was always a struggle to ask for it. Still, he needed it this time so badly he was parked outside Dr. Robbins' office waiting for the older man to exit.

"Finally," Grissom sighed when the doctor emerged and locked his door.

"Gil?" Dr. Robbins asked questioningly. "Didn't you go home?"

"Yeah," he replied. "Listen, Al…I have a problem I could use some help with."

Automatically Dr. Robbins moved to unlock his door but Grissom interjected, "Let's go to my office."

The two men walked down the hall to Grissom's office. Grissom was ill at ease and Dr. Robbins found his curiosity piquing.

"I'll get right to the point," Grissom began.

"Please do," replied the doctor. "I'm overdue at home for my day off."

"This shouldn't take long. In fact, I'm surprised at myself for even coming to talk to you about this, but…truth is I made a big enough mess already and I can't afford to make things worse," Grissom explained. "You're the only one I can really level with about this."

"You should really talk to your wife," the older man advised. ""Wives get upset when you don't do that."

Grissom nodded, "I know but this really isn't a problem I can tall Sara about. You see, Sara is the problem."

Doc Robbins raised his eyebrows, "Sara is the problem? Gil…"

"I didn't mean it like that," Grissom sighed. "It's just…We're happy, we are happy and things are good, great even. Al, Sara wants to have a baby," he finally managed.

Dr. Robbins smiled, "Congratulations. That's wonderful, Gil. I never thought Sara was the mother type."

"Neither did I, Doc," replied Grissom. "That's the problem. I never though about a family and at my age it just is not the right thing to do. I told her no."

"You told her no?" Dr. Robbins asked for confirmation. "Gil…Did you get the Ph.D. through the mail?"

Captain Jim Brass heard voices coming from Grissom's office. He had seen his friend and Sara both earlier and he knew that both had left for the night. He couldn't quite make out who the voices belonged to so he meandered down the corridor. As he got closer he could make out Dr. Robbins' voice as well as Grissom's.

"Damn it," he heard his friend swear. "This is no time for jokes, this is my…our life."

Brass was curious. That natural curiosity was what helped him in his work as a detective; he raised his hand and knocked on Grissom's door.

"Who is it?" Grissom barked from inside.

"Jim," Brass replied.

"Come in," Robbins called. "Maybe you can help me."

Brass come in and took a seat on a milk crate that was usually stacked up against one of Grissom's shelves. "What's going on?"

"I came to ask Dr. Robbins for advice," Grissom explained.

"And he needs it," Robbins answered. "Tell him what you told me."

Grissom sighed and slightly rolled his eyes. If he had wanted to tell Brass what he had told Robbins he would have gone to Brass in the first place. Still they were both friends and they were both fathers. Perhaps advice from two different perspectives would be a help.

"Sara wants to have a baby," Grissom stated again. "A baby." That was the third time he'd said it in the context of the "baby" being something Sara wanted to add to their life. Maybe saying it would make it seem more feasible to him. Instead, he got the opposite effect.

"Wow," Brass smiled. "That is great. Really great. Congratulations."

"That's what I said," Robbins told him. "Tell him what you told Sara, Gil."

"I told her no," Grissom replied once again.

"Women do not find jokes about having babies funny, Grissom," Brass advised. "You are going to need to add chocolate to the plant when you send it this time."

"I am not apologizing for this," he told his friends. "I told her I'd think about it and that's why I'm here, to talk to Al and now to you and Al and think about it," he clarified. "I'm too old, we're both workaholics, the entire notion is beyond the realm of reason, yet she's still angry and upset. She can't see the wisdom in my decision."

"That's because there is no wisdom in your decision," Brass told him. Robbins chose to take a softer approach.

"Gil, do you want my input here as a doctor, a co-worker, or a wise and experienced husband and father?" he asked.

"In this case, I need to hear from the latter, Al," Grissom replied. "I know I'll get it straight."

"Someone has to do it," Brass sighed.

"All right," sighed Dr. Robbins as both Grissom and Brass sat back to listen. "First the science, men can father children at any age without posing a significant risk to the fetus or the mother. It is the woman's age that can be a factor in complications. Sara is right on the cusp of the point where the risks will be more intense for her and the baby. That said, she's strong and healthy, it is the prime time for her."

"I know all that, Al," Grissom said with an edge in his voice. "I know I can physically father a child, but I'd be 70 years old by the time he or she was graduating high school."

"My youngest is 19 next month," replied the doctor. "I am 68."

"But you had other children," Grissom sighed. "Fifty-one is just too old."

"And twenty-two is too young," Dr. Robbins cut in. "You can put any age ahead of this and create an excuse instead of coming clean and admitting what's really behind it."

"I don't get it," Grissom said legitimately.

"Obviously you don't," Brass piped up. "Listen Gil for guys like us, guys dedicated to our work who value their privacy, giving all that up to get married is hard and pretty damned scary. But you know, you live with it. They more than repay you for sacrificing your bachelorhood for awhile, believe me."

"Oh, I do," Grissom sighed. "I have no regrets about marrying Sara. My only regret is how long it took me to get here. Now she wants to go ahead and…"

"Mess it all up," Brass finished. "Did it ever occur to you she might think you want a child?"

"Yeah," he replied. "It did. But I told her that I didn't think it was a good idea. If she wanted it for me she'd have backed down. I don't know what to do. I never know what to do when it comes to Sara and me."

"I believe that," Dr. Robbins told him. "You are brilliant Gil, but not when it comes to solving the puzzle in your own head. Everything you told me as a reason why you don't want to have a child is an excuse. Look around those, isolate a solid reason, then we'll talk again." Dr. Robbins rose from his chair and began moving toward the door when Grissom spoke again.

"I've isolated it already," Brass put in. "He's scared."

"I am not scared. I thought reasons were…never mind. What if I can't figure…It's just not something I want to do," he finally said.

"That's better," replied Dr. Robbins. "At least that one is true. You lied to Sara and to yourself for so long you are lucky she was still around when you realized you wanted her. Don't make that mistake again. Be honest with yourself and with her, and then go from there."

On that wise note, Dr. Robbins left Brass and Grissom alone. He had done his part. He had given the helpful fatherly advice Grissom was seeking. Now it was up to Jim to get around the bowling ball the protected Grissom's brain and make him see the light.

"Gil, I love you and Sara," Brass admitted. "You are my best friend's and are a good pair. You remind me so much the early years of marriage with my ex-wife."

"That's can't be good," Grissom sighed. "You are divorced and now you can barely stand to mention her name."

"A lot of what happened was her fault," Brass replied. "But it started when…She thought I didn't want to have children with her because I didn't love her enough to want to stay with her. I didn't want to because I was scared. I was terrified I'd do a lousy job or that my work would get my child hurt. Still, you have to know the urge of a woman to protect their children is strong. Additionally, the urge for a female to have children is even stronger. Think about this, Gil. Really think about it."

"So you are saying that if Sara really wanted to have a child she would do it behind my back," Grissom attempted to paraphrase.

"Maybe not," Brass acknowledged. "She held out for you a lot longer than most women probably would have. There is no doubt of her devotion to you, but…If you cannot come up with something really solid for not having a baby together, is it really worth the pain it is going to cause to keep saying no?"

"Pain," Grissom sighed.

"Excuse me," Brass answered.

"Pain," Grissom repeated. "If we had a baby she'd have to… naturally and she'd be in pain. I couldn't handle watching her have to go through that because of something I did to her."

"You mean the labor?" Brass asked for clarity.

He nodded, "I've seen women in labor. I've seen that Baby Story thing on the Learning Channel. I couldn't be there and watch her suffer like that."

"So," Brass shrugged. "Get her someone else to coach her and you pace the waiting room with a box of chocolate cigars. Problem solved."

"Then there is the issue of…What if something did happen to me? What if I got sick and we had little ones? That would be so hard on her," Grissom offered. Brass could tell by his friend's words that he really meant that.

"It would be hard on her anyway," Brass pointed out. "Listen, I get that this is something you don't want to do, but you owe it to Sara and yourself to give it a lot more thought than you have so far."

On that note, Brass rose and left Grissom in his office alone to think. He did sit for a few minutes taking in the advice of both Dr. Robbins and Brass. He knew why he'd kept himself from Sara, he'd been afraid, terrified even. They both assumed he was afraid this time as well. That was not the case, it just wasn't. He loved his wife and she wanted a child. He had promised her anything, the least he could so was to consider this some more.

Grissom left the lab remembering every word Dr. Robbins, Brass, and Sara said to him that night. He still could not figure out why it seemed perfectly logical to Sara, Jim, and Dr. Robbins that he and Sara should have kids. He didn't see how anyone could think he should be a father; he barely could believe he should be a supervisor or a husband. He got along best with dead bodies and insects, he was not father material.

On the other hand, though, Sara was mother material. She had so much love and passion inside of her and the more she revealed to him the more beautiful and wonderful she seemed. She had always made him believe in her and in himself. Still having a child was taking complete responsibility for a fragile human life and he saw the mishandling of that fragility every day, intentional or accidental. He wasn't sure if he could do any better than anyone else, though he would almost have to. Sara deserved better than that and any child of his body with Sara or with anyone else did, too.

By the time Grissom got home the sun was high in the sky, signaling the arrival and the passing of the morning, announcing the approach of the hot afternoon. He was exhausted. They kept their shades drawn during the day when they were working to keep the harsh Nevada sun out so as not to disturb their sleep. He let Bruno out again before heading back to the bedroom.

Sara was asleep on her side of the bed curled in a ball position one hand under her cheek. The lamp next to his side of the bed was turned on, their own "wake me when" signal. He stripped down to his underclothes, slipped into bed and snuggled up next to Sara. He ran his hand down her arm and kissed her cheek, "I'm home, baby," he whispered as she stirred and rolled toward him.

"Hey," she greeted sleepily. "What time is it?"

"Just past two," he replied.

"You've got to get some sleep," she told him.

"I will in a minute," he told her gently. "We have some things we need to talk about."

"Gil," she replied. "Really there is nothing left to say."

"Sssh," he placed his finger on her lips to halt any further argument. "You have had a very long time to think about this baby thing, what a child might mean for us. I promise I'll give it some more thought, some honest thought, not just give you a rash of bad excuses." He gave her nose a soft kiss, "You deserve more than that from me. I promised more."

"Yeah, you did," she replied. "I love you."

"I love you too," he sighed as she reached for his hand. "Just give me a little more time, okay?"

"'kay," she murmured. "Just don't take ten years this time. I'll be in menopause by then."

"I won't take too long," he affirmed, then yawned.

"Go to sleep," Sara instructed then turned to cuddle up to his side. With the baby issue dealt with for the time being, and the security of the person they loved beside them, both Dr. and Mrs. Grissom got some much needed sleep


	4. Chapter 4

**See Chapter One for disclaimers.**

**Again a shout out to Giwu for the beta. Thanks.**

Chapter 4

Over the next month Sara and Grissom barely saw each other outside of work. The busy lab was overrun with a string of gang related shootings and rapes. In addition to that, there were three other murders with very distinct scene similarities. Gil feared a serial killer was in Vegas and Sara was beginning to agree with him.

Because of that whenever the couple had down time to spend together neither one chose to discuss the issue of children. They wanted to focus on the things that brought them together instead of the one thing that divided them.

One Friday night over a month since their romantic stroll in the suburban mall the couple had another evening off together, but Grissom's mind was not on relaxing. He was in his study with crime scene photos spread out over his desk examining every detail from the style and layout of the carpet to the type of televisions the victims had owned. Sara watched from the doorway. She had seen this before, non-stop work, non-stop concentration. She had missed him so much this past month. They hadn't even made love more than twice since he had said he would consider the idea of having a child.

In an effort to bring him around and draw him out Sara had ordered dinner from their favorite Chinese place, set their table with a nice white table cloth and linen napkins, and white scented candles. She turned on one of Grissom's CDs that were compiled by the two of them for romantic night at home. All she needed now was her husband.

"Gil," Sara said softly in the doorway. He didn't answer her or even look up from his work. She tried again speaking louder and adding a knock on the door frame. "Gil!"

This time he looked up, but did not start. "Yes, what is it?"

"I ordered some dinner from Jade Garden and it is all ready. Please come and eat," she requested.

"I'm working Sara," he answered. "You go ahead and eat."

"Gil, just stop for an hour. Just one hour. We haven't been able to spend any time together in over a month," she reminded him.

"I know, Sara but…" He stopped when he saw her cross he arms and raise an eyebrow. He removed his glasses and stood up, "I know when to quit. I'll take short break."

Grissom followed Sara to the dining room. He took in the table linens, the candles, and the music. "Sara," he said gently. "I have a lot of work to do."

"I know," she acknowledged. "But I miss you. I miss your arms around me. Can we just spend a little time together tonight?" Sara asked running her palms over his shirt lacing her fingers behind his neck.

Grissom tilted his head and gently kissed her before wrapping his arms around her, "A little break," he agreed, then released her. He pulled out the chair she always sat in and poured their drinks before taking his own seat.

"I IMed with your mother today," Sara said in between bites of her tofu stir-fry.

"Oh, how is she?" he asked. He usually set aside a few hours a week to "talk" with his mother but since things had become busy at work he had not had a chance in nearly three weeks.

"She's good. She's having lunch with a gallery owner from La Jolla something about a charity show for aspiring artists," Sara replied. "She invited us to visit next month before it gets really hectic for her."

"I don't know that we can guarantee time to do that," Grissom replied. "Maybe you could go."

"Somehow I think she'd prefer if we had to come separately that she got to see you instead of me," Sara replied. "You haven't seen her since the July after we got married."

"Has it been that long?" he asked taking a bite of his meal.

"Yes, it has," Sara replied. "If you can't see a way for us to go visit her why don't we invite her here?"

"We could," he admitted. "Still my mom…Forget it."

"Oh, no you don't," Sara said. "You do not start a sentence like that then say forget it."

"I'm just too tired to have the discussion I know will occur when I tell you," Grissom replied.

"I see," Sara sighed nodding as she began to understand. "What do you tell her when she asks about the thing you don't want to talk about?"

"Not much," he answered. "I usually tell her it's not something you or I really considered. I haven't discussed it with her since I found out I was wrong."

"It's not such a stretch," Sara sighed. "That once two people fall in love and get married, they have a family. The world has survived on that concept for a very long time."

"It has and it is not a foreign idea in the least," Grissom acknowledged. "That is why I am considering it."

Sara just nodded and changed the subject. "Well if you don't want to visit your mom on our annual vacation I did pick up some brochures at the travel agency yesterday."

"Where did you have in mind?" he asked. The summer before they had gone to Niagara Falls and Cooperstown and about a year before that they had honeymooned in Cancun . "Somewhere with a beach would be nice."

"I don't know," Sara said. "I was thinking more of a place where I wouldn't have to wear a bathing suit."

Grissom laughed at that, "You look amazing in a bathing suit, honey."

"Yeah," she agreed softly pushing her plate forward and her seat back in one fluid motion.

"Sara!" Grissom sighed and rose to follow her to the kitchen where she had retreated to scrub non-existent grease off their tea kettle. He put two hands on her shoulders, "I promised to think about it," he reminded her.

"Not much to think about when you've already made up your mind," she told him.

"I…What do you want me to do here?" he asked.

"I don't want to fight," Sara said in answer.

"Neither do I. I want to talk," Grissom said getting angry.

"You said you were too tired to talk about this tonight."

"That obviously doesn't matter, so let's discuss it," he all but snapped in frustration.

"Why are you fighting this so much?" she asked plaintively.

Grissom had no answer, at least not one that he wanted to share with Sara. The truth was he was scared to death of the idea of becoming a parent because he knew he wouldn't be any better at it than his own father was had been, or any of his uncles for that matter. Sara would tell him that she felt she would still be a good mother after the childhood of horrors she had endured. He did not have to be afraid, but still he was. He just could never admit that fact openly to his wife. He did the only thing he could to answer her question then, and that was by getting defensive, "I don't know," he answered. "So why don't we forget it. We'll just do it your way."

"No," she replied obviously hurt, tears stinging her eyes. "I don't want you to be a sperm donor; I want you to be a father. I want you to want this as much as I do."

"I don't know if that will ever happen. I still need more time," Grissom replied his tone of voice softening at the sight of her pain-filled eyes.

"By the time you make up your mind it may be too late," Sara murmured.

The phrase stung. She had said those words before only that was about him deciding what to do about them and the feelings they harbored for one another. She had been telling him she would not wait around for him forever, that she would at some undefined time have to take her life into her own hands. Maybe she meant that now as well. With fear in his heart he asked for clarification. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean a woman has a limit on her ability to bear children. I'll be 36 years old this September. The risks will increase and the ease of conception will decrease with each passing year," Sara explained. She knew Grissom was smart enough to know that fact, but still he had asked.

Grissom nodded, "I promised I'd think about it."

"You've had over a month," Sara pointed out to him.

"And in that month we've had an eruption in gangland, a new and escalating signature killer who is very smart and daring, not to mention all of the regular issues we have to deal with on a daily basis," Grissom defended. "I have not exactly had the luxury of being able to focus my attention on the baby situation."

"Like I said, Gil," Sara sighed putting her hands up in front of her in a gesture of surrender. "I don't want to fight."

Grissom closed his eyes and pulled her close. She pushed against him for a moment the then relaxed into his arms, relishing being held by him again. He softly kissed her forehead and spoke gently, "I'm not trying to hurt you or make you angry. I understand a family is something you really want us to have. I'm just not sure if I can actually be what you want or need me to be as a result."

Against his chest Sara spoke with equal softness, "All I ever want or need is for you to be yourself. I just think that you are naturally a very nurturing and caring man. You would make a wonderful father."

In her hair he answered, "I don't feel being a father is who I am. No matter how hard I try to put myself in that role, imagine myself there…I just can't do it. I have tried, honey. Believe me I have."

Grissom's voice sounded defeated and Sara realized that busy or not her husband had been fighting a war within himself, one that was internally tearing him to bits. She wanted that to stop more than anything, even more than she wanted to give him a child to love and to teach about the world. Still, when she heard his voice, his tone, she knew she would never get that chance. His words had not said no, exactly, but his tone had.

Sara's body shook a bit as she fought the urge to cry. "Okay, then. At least it is settled," was all she managed to get out before letting go. Grissom held her tight to him, rocking her gently alternating between kissing and stroking her hair. Sara cried hard, clutching at his shoulders, digging her nails into the back of his shirt as she clung to him letting the pain of a dream now dead flow from her body.

Grissom made soft crooning sounds to her as she sobbed, supporting her in her grief. It killed him to see her hurt, to see her cry, but it was better to hurt her once now than to witness this for years to come. Then she would not only be crying for herself but for an innocent life, both caused by him. Sara did not deserve a lifetime of hurt, and neither would any child of their union. It was only that thought that kept his resolve against his wife's tears, that and the knowledge, that painful or not this decision was right, even the best for both of them.


	5. Chapter 5

All disclaimers apply.

Once again, a big bravo to Giwu for the excellent beta job. Thanks!

Chapter 5

As the weeks passed, the graveyard CSIs began to witness a change in the behavior of their boss and his wife. They all knew that three weeks earlier Grissom had scheduled the two of them some time off together. It didn't take a superlative investigator to see something changed between them.

Usually the careful observer could catch them smiling at each other and see Grissom placing a guiding hand on her back or arm. In turn, Sara softly caressed his hand. Since their time off together she didn't do that anymore. Of course, she tended to him as a wife should, brought him lunch or dinner if he pulled a double, ordered him home during an attempt at a quadruple shift, but the little things that were the couple's trademark were gone.

More disturbing was Sara's reaction to Grissom when he would attempt a casual touch, a gentle yet chaste kiss on the lips or a soft embrace. She would normally relish in those demonstrations of affection, but now she recoiled, pulled away, or at the very least remained unresponsive. A blind man could see that it was killing Grissom, slowly eroding away at his heart and his spirit.

The whole thing came to a head one long shift about a month after Grissom and Sara had starting showing signs of marital distress. Sara was at the lab running samples from her latest robbery case while Grissom was at a scene with Catherine and Greg. Grissom had wanted to stay with Sara hoping that if they cracked the case they could go home early and discuss what had been going on lately. The plan failed though when David had noted some peculiar bite marks on their victim that he felt Grissom should see. Grissom always preferred to ID an insect bite in the environment it had originally occurred in to help identify if the crime scene the team was processing was the primary crime scene or the secondary scene

He had not been sleeping well and it seemed he hadn't for months. As he entered the victim's house he lost his footing on a loose floor board, the very same one Greg had just warned him about.

"Grissom!" Catherine cried out as she watched her friend trip and fall down five, hard, concrete steps. Quickly she and Greg followed after him, Greg hanging back against the wall, Catherine kneeling next to Grissom.

"Grissom!" she said urgently. Her voice was a bit softer when she saw her friend open his eyes. "Gil?"

Instinctively he tried to get up, "What…"

"No, no," Catherine urged. "Don't move. Stay still."

Grissom's head was spinning uncontrollably and his eyes had to fight a battle of wills to focus. "Greg," Catherine instructed. "Radio the EMS and call Sara."

Grissom moaned at Catherine's words, "I don't need the…and don't call Sara."

"Gil, you fell down the stairs and blacked out on me," Catherine sighed, her tone showing her frustration. "You are going to the ER and as for Sara I'm not going to be the one to deal with her if she's not called."

The pain in his head and body from the fall made Grissom's resolve weak. He mumbled softly, not really intending for Catherine to hear him, "She won't care." He let his eyes close again against a wave of dizziness.

"Medics are on the way. Sara said she'd meet us at Desert Palm," Greg reported.

"I'm not going!" Grissom protested trying to sit up. The action caused his already pounding head to spin and his ribs to protest.

"You are going," Catherine argued.

Grissom tried to override her, "Greg, give a man a hand."

"No, Grissom," Greg replied. "You've got to get checked out. Catherine's right."

"Greg, I'm your supervisor…" Grissom argued pulling every stop he could. "I'm ordering you to…"

"Yeah," Greg sighed. "But that doesn't scare me. She…" he looked at Catherine. "She scares me."

Before Grissom could argue further the medics arrived to take him to the hospital. He complied and let his exhausted body and pain-filled mind rest - drifting to blissful unconsciousness on the stretcher.

Sara was bordering on panic when she reached the Desert Palm ER. "Excuse me," she said to the reception nurse. "I'm wondering if you have any information on my husband, Gil Grissom."

"What's his name, Ma'am?" the nurse asked.

"Dr. Gilbert Grissom," Sara repeated emphasizing the words to make sure every syllable was understood.

"I don't believe…" the nurse said typing the name into the computer terminal. "No, ma'am. There is not Dr. Grissom on staff."

"Look," Sara said angrily losing her fragile patience. "My husband is Dr. Gilbert Grissom from the Las Vegas crime lab. He was hurt at a scene and I want someone to tell me how he is, what is wrong with him, and when I can…"

Catherine heard the unmistakable sound of Sara's "I'm about to lose it," voice and hurried from the waiting area to the desk. "Sara," she greeted. "Come on. He's getting X-rays and then he'll be up."

"What happened, Catherine?" Sara asked playing with her wedding ring.

"He lost his balance, I guess," she replied. "Fell down the stairs."

"So, he's all right. He's not…Greg only said he'd been hurt and he had to call an ambulance," Sara sighed with relief.

"Well, he's not bleeding or anything but he did blackout and he was in a lot of pain," Catherine told her. "Not all of it physical."

"I know," Sara replied. "Things…"

"Things aren't right between you two right now, any idiot knows that, but when was lying on that floor and heard that I told Greg to call you he told me you wouldn't care that he'd been hurt," Catherine told her, feeling protective of Grissom.

Sara's heart lurched. She knew her actions since she and Grissom had decided against a baby were hurtful but they were also beyond her control. She had been hurt badly by his decision and she felt the need to protect herself.

"Of course I care," Sara whispered shocked. "It's just that…He…"

Before she could finish the hospital aide arrived with Grissom. Sara was up like a shot and at his side, "Gil," she whispered gently. "Gil, sweetie, I'm here," she murmured softly touching his cheek.

"He's a bit out of it," said the aide. "Are you Sara?"

"Yes," she replied. "Sara Grissom. I'm his wife."

"He asked for you in radiology," the young man told her. "His doctor will be in shortly."

Sara sat on the hard plastic chair holding Grissom's hand occasionally lifting it to give him soft kisses. Finally he let out a soft groan and his fingers tightened around hers. "Hi, baby," she said softly. "How do you feel?"

Grissom licked his lips and tried to focus his tired eyes on Sara, "Tired," he whispered, his voice raspy. "Hurts."

"Where, Gil?" Sara asked wanting to do whatever she could to ease his pain.

"My head," he replied. "Chest."

"I'll go get…" she began.

"No," he sighed. "No. Stay, please." His grip reflexively tightened.

"Gil," she began but his eyes held her. "The doctor should be in soon.

The pair sat in silence holding hands for a few more minutes before the doctor arrived.

"Dr. Grissom, Mrs. Grissom," the tall blonde woman replied. "I'm Dr. Eisenhower, the attending physician. We have your test results."

"How is he?" Sara asked her concern evident.

"Dr. Grissom's injuries from the fall are rather minor," Dr. Eisenhower replied. "He has two cracked ribs and bruised two ribs on his right side. He'll have some pain and need rest but he'll mend. He also has a slight concussion. We are going to keep him overnight for observation. Without complications he can go home tomorrow," she informed them.

Grissom didn't say anything just squeezed Sara's hand, "Is that necessary?" she asked for him. "I can take care of him if…"

"I believe it is warranted," Dr. Eisenberg confirmed. "Dr. Grissom do you take any medication for blood pressure?" she asked.

Grissom licked his lips but Sara spoke for him. "He takes 20 mgs of Cardizem for blood pressure, Lipitor for cholesterol, and Zomig for chronic migraines"

"Your blood pressure on admission was 195/110," Dr. Eisenhower reported. "That is considered high, especially for being medicated. I flagged it in the admission report and the cardiologist on call has been notified. He'll want to exam you before you are released."

Sara's throat hurt with the need to cry. She knew it was her fault he was here lying in the hospital bed. It was her fault that his blood pressure was too high, it was all her fault. She held the tears back his slightly drowsy state Gil could expertly read her mind.

"Mrs. Grissom, if you want to speak with your husband for a while please do it now," instructed the doctor. "He'll be moved to a room shortly and we want him to rest. On top of his injuries he is suffering from borderline exhaustion. He'll need his rest."

Sara nodded and the doctor left. She squeezed Grissom's hand. "Gil, I'm sorry," she managed past a sob.

"It's not your fault," he told her gently. "Don't cry."

"When Greg called and said you'd been hurt," she told him, sniffing. "I was so scared."

"It's not serious," he sighed. "They overreacted."

Grissom watched Sara's face trying to gauge whether or not she'd argue with him about going home AMA. Her response to his previous statement said it all. "Overreacted? Gil, you are being kept in the hospital, you are barely with me. They did not overreact."

"I'm…" He shifted toward her but met with a sharp protest from his ribs. "Oh," he grimaced and swallowed a groan of pain, he could not help but close his eyes against it.

Sara reached out and stroked his forehead with her palm, "Easy, honey. Lie still," she told him gently. "You'll feel better soon. You need some sleep. I love you."

Grissom flexed his hand in hers, that the only indication he had heard her before he drifted off to sleep.

Sara stayed with Grissom until she was sure he was sleeping. By that time they arrived to move Grissom to his room. Once they had Sara left the ER cubicle quickly retreating for the safety of her car and their home. She expected Catherine had left since she'd been with Grissom nearly an hour, but much to her chagrin she heard Catherine's voice as she hurried down the hall. "Is he going to be okay, Sara?"

Sara froze barely able to control the emotions inside of her. There was no way she could hold a conversation right then, it was all she could do to breathe. She gathered her courage, such as it was, and turned to face Catherine, unable to hide the tears falling from her eyes. "Sara?" Catherine asked with concern.

"I thought," she began. She swallowed then began again. "Yeah, the doctor said he's going to be just fine." The last word came out on a sob. Sara raised two shaky hands to her mouth and tried to turn away.

Catherine moved quickly to stop her, "Hey, Sara," she said softly. "What's wrong? He'll be…" Sara started to cry harder, her breath escaping in tiny hiccups. "Come sit down. Take it easy."

Sara let her friend lead her to a chair and accepted her aid as she sat down. "What is wrong?" Catherine asked again. "You said his doctor told you he'd be fine."

"Yeah," she cried. "She said he…" She only cried harder.

"Sara, what happened in that room?" Catherine asked. "If Gil is going to be fine…Was it something else? Did the tests they ran reveal something else?"

Sara sobbed harder with every question, "No, he'll be fine. He'll be just…Oh, God Catherine…how…I can't…not without him."

Catherine knelt in front of Sara. She had never seen her lose control like this. In one breath she told her Grissom would be fine, and in the next she was nearly hysterical. "Sara, you said he'll be fine. You are not without him."

"I will be," she choked out. "I…He…I'm going…He's going to leave. I know…he's going to leave me."

"Sara, no," Catherine tried to comfort. "Gil loves you. He loves you. You know that."

"He'll leave," Sara hiccupped. "I know…I…We were…are so close…He'll…I'll lose him."

Catherine's investigator mind ran over Sara's words. They had been lucky; few from their team had been hurt at crime scenes, but it happened all the time. Perhaps Sara was reacting to the reality of the job, "Anything can happen at a crime scene."

"Sara, you know anything can happen at a scene, but Gil was lucky. It was just an accident," she comforted.

"I…I…He won't believe that," Sara cried. "He didn't want to do this. He told me he…He'll think I did it on…And then…"

Sara took another long breath and for a few fragile seconds got enough composure to admit one simple truth to Catherine, one that Catherine had always known, "I can't lose him, Cath. I need him." Once those precious words escaped her lips, Sara melted again, crying and gasping even harder than before.

By now Catherine put it together that Sara, while shaken by Grissom's fall was not talking about that circumstance at all but something different, "Sara you're not upset about Gil's fall are you? There's something else."

"No…" Sara denied. "He's…fine."

"I know, but you aren't," Catherine soothed. "Please Sara, tell me what's wrong. Think how upset Gil will be if you make yourself sick. I promise whatever it is will stay between us, okay? Let's go get a cup of coffee."

Sara swallowed and rose from the chair she'd been sitting in, her way of acknowledging Catherine's offer.

The two women made their way to the cafeteria where Catherine purchased her coffee and Sara opted for an herbal tea. They found an empty table in the corner. As Catherine stirred the cream into her coffee she said, "Okay, tell me what this is all about."

Sara sniffled again and played with her tea bag, "About two months…Remember before the new signature got started and the gang war erupted, Gil and I took a Friday night off together. It was the time you had to call Gil in for the insect activity on that decomp?"

"Yeah," Catherine said. "I remember. He locked himself in his office until you came the next night with his dinner."

Sara nodded, "We had a wonderful time that night. Gil took me to dinner and to that Outlet mall I like. Then we drove home. It was really nice, too nice maybe."

Catherine sipped her coffee, "Too nice? Too nice how? First fight?"

"We've been married two years, we are way beyond our first fight," Sara chuckled lightly relieved to finally be getting all of this out. "But the biggest issue of our marriage came from a conversation we had that night. I had never told Gil and I never would have if he didn't figure it out but since he and I got married I've really been feeling the urge to have a baby."

"It's a very natural urge," Catherine said. "It sometimes…With Lindsey it came from nowhere, I had never wanted to be a mother, but when you love your husband and your husband loves you…"

At those words Sara started to cry again, "He won't for much longer."

Catherine knew Sara was being ridiculous, there was nothing she could do, not even commit murder that could make Grissom stop loving her. She couldn't argue that point though without all of the information, "Why won't he?" she asked.

"He knew…I never would have asked it of him, but he knew I wanted a baby. He pressed me and I told him I did but…he said…And now I'm going to lose him. I don't know what to do, Catherine."

Catherine wasn't quite sure herself, so she just decided for now she'd clarify a few things, "Grissom told you he did not want to have children didn't he?"

Sara wiped her nose and nodded, "He's going to be so angry."

"So I'm correct in assuming you're pregnant now," Catherine stated.

"I didn't do it on purpose," Sara told her.

"Gil won't think you did," Catherine soothed. "These things happen. He'll come around, you'll see. He loves you, Sara. I know it and so do you." She took another sip of her coffee. "Is this what caused such a rift between the two of you?"

"I was trying to protect myself," Sara admitted. "And all I did was hurt him and me. He's…I don't even know how to tell him."

"How far along are you?" Catherine asked. "Did you get it confirmed?"

Sara nodded, "My OBGYN estimates I'm about nine to ten weeks. I'm due the end of February."

"At this rate you might as well wait until you two are asleep one night and the baby kicks him in the ass," Catherine said with an air of her trademark sarcasm.

"I'm going to tell him," Sara sighed. "I just don't know how. We talked about it for two days, and then he told me he needed to think about. When we finally got to talk about it again about a month later, he told me he wasn't sure he could be a father and he wanted to leave things as they were. I didn't know it at the time, but by then I was already four weeks pregnant."

Catherine sat back in her chair taking in everything Sara told her. She had never really tried to picture Grissom as a father, but between seeing him question children and seeing him with Lindsey she felt that he would be a good one. "Wow," Catherine sighed. "I don't know what advice to give you on how or when to tell Grissom other than to say the sooner the better. It is better you tell him than to have him figure it out. I do know that, and I also know this," Catherine said with assurance. "Gil Grissom loves you and baby or no baby he'll be with you six months from now, sixteen months from now, until one of you dies and if he goes first probably after that, so you do not have to worry anymore about losing him over this."

Sara nodded and smiled. She wasn't as sure as Catherine about Grissom not leaving her, but she felt more confident in that fact than she had in the three weeks since she learned she was pregnant. Things between the two of them for now were far from better, but Sara was relieved she at least had a place to start.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**All disclaimers apply.**

**Another special thanks to Giwu for a quick and skillful beta.**

"There," Sara said gently as she helped Grissom settle in their bed, pillows supporting his back and sides. "How's that

"Fine," he replied. "I'm okay, honey. I'm just a little sore."

"You have a concussion and four injured ribs. You are a lot more than sore," she argued sitting beside him. She reached out to touch his cheek, "You scared me, Griss."

He nodded, "I know. I was just tired. It could have happened to anyone. Please don't fuss over me."

"You're my husband," Sara said as if he could easily forget that fact. "You were hurt and spent the night in the hospital. I have earned the right to fuss a little bit. Can I get you anything? Are you hungry?"

"No," Grissom sighed. "I'm just tired and I'm still feeling kind of weak."

"The doctor said you would from the pain medication," Sara said. "Do you want to lie down?"

"What I want," Grissom replied. "Is for you to stop worrying and fussing and to curl up here next to me. It's been so long since I got to just hold you. Please, curl up right here." He patted the empty space on the bed next to his uninjured side.

Sara hesitated, "Are you sure I won't hurt you?"

"You'll only hurt me if you don't," he said. "Please."

Grissom shifted slightly so she would have enough room to get comfortable next to him. Once she was situated on the bed they assumed the position that was so natural for them. Grissom settled his arm around Sara's slender shoulders and she dropped her arm across his waist, one hand on his chest while her head rested on his shoulder as if it were her own private pillow. He gently played with the ends of her hair relishing in its softness. He placed a tender kiss on her temple before cautiously asking, "Now why did I have to fall down stairs and be hospitalized to get you to do this with me?"

Sara cuddled closer, "Ssh. Just hold me for now," she requested. "Everything else can wait."

"Sara…" Grissom began with a deep breath. "I need to know something. I need to know are we…Is our marriage in trouble?"

The hand Sara had been using to caress Grissom's chest through his pajama top froze at his soft query. She shook her head, "No, sweetheart. No, it was more me than anything else. I was…I am having a rough time and I didn't know what to do about it. I still don't."

Reflexively his arms tightened around her, "Sara, honey…"

Before Grissom could press her further the ringing of the phone interrupted their private moment. Relieved for the distraction Sara reached for it, "Hello," she greeted the caller and exited the room with the phone to her ear.

Grissom leaned back in bed resting his body, but not his mind. There was something very wrong between them, though he had no idea what it was or what to do about it. He was too mentally exhausted to focus on trying to decode the mystery that was his wife. He would have plenty of time later to focus on that. His doctor ordered him to stay home from work for a minimum of ten days until his injuries had time to heal and his body had a chance to stabilize. He knew Catherine would be running things but still his work would pile up in his absence. Maybe he would try to convince Sara to bring some of the case files home for his perusal.

He rested his head against the pillows with Bruno's head on his knee. He stroked the dog's head while he waited for Sara to finish her call. About 20 minutes after she had left their room Sara returned. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," she said climbing back on the bed and curling up against Grissom's once again. "I had to deal with that."

"Trouble with a case you're working on?" he asked.

"No," she replied. "That was CSI Jason Martin from Laughlin. It seems they recovered a gun at an open scene up there, a .357 Magnum Revolver that apparently is a ballistics match to two bullets from the Nevada Mutual Insurance Firm robbery last month."

" Nevada Mutual…" Grissom repeated. "That was my case. I worked it solo."

"Yeah," Sara acknowledge. "Martin asked for you but I told him you were off work because…"

"Sara, I can take a phone call," Grissom sighed. "My God, we agreed. We agreed very early on never to intercept calls for each other when it comes to work."

"That agreement did not include time when you are on medical leave recovering from an injury, Gil," Sara argued. "I handled it. It's fine."

"It is not fine," Grissom argued back. "I…"

She put up her hands in surrender. "You're right. I should have given you the phone." Her voice stuck then cracked, "I just wanted you…you to get some rest." She barely got the words out before she succumbed to tears.

"Sara," Grissom said gently moving as quickly as his injured ribs would allow. He slid off the bed and took her in his arms, "it's okay, honey. I'm not angry, alright?"

He tried to soothe her with his touch and his voice as he did so often after a rough case or a nightmare. She clung to him and sobbed into his shoulder, "I only wanted to help. I'm sorry. I just wanted you to rest. I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad," she whispered as she cried. "Please don't be, Gil. Please."

"I'm not, baby," he crooned to her as she unraveled in his embrace. "Sit down." With one arm securely wrapped around her Grissom guided Sara to the edge of their bed. He sat first then pulled her down next to him holding her as tightly as he could. He whispered soft words of love, comfort, and reassurance in her ear all the while rocking her from side to side.

After about half an hour Sara finally began to settle down. Once her breathing began to even out Grissom started to probe for answers. "Do you want to tell me about all this?" he asked. "I know you just wanted to help me. I didn't mean to upset you or hurt you."

Sara pulled back, "I'm alright. It's just everything we've…I overreacted."

"A bit," he agreed. "I would love for you to tell me why."

"I don't want you to be angry with me," she admitted quietly. "I can survive anything with you by my side."

"I'm here," he assured her. "I'm not angry with you, Sara. I was upset that you took that call because there was no reason for you to…" He stopped when she began to cry again.

"I just wanted to you to rest," she cried again her entire body shaking. "I love you, Gil. I don't want to lose you. I'm scared. I'm…"

"Ssh," he comforted. "I love you, too. And I promise you, you won't lose me. You won't."

"I will," she insisted. "I almost did last night."

"I'm fine," he repeated. "And I promise I will rest the full 10 days like the doctor said. Please, please stop crying, honey."

She nodded then cuddled closer to him letting his nearness calm her. Once she settled down the second time he felt a different approach to uncovering the cause of her bizarre behavior was in order. "Sara, I'm a bit thirsty," he said.

She sniffed, "Of course - and it's time for your pills, too. I'll get them."

Grissom let her help him get back into bed and when she brought his painkiller and a bottle of water he accepted both without complaining. "Sara," he said gently after she had a chance to fuss over him a bit. "Sit with me. We need to talk."

Sara felt a wave of panic wash over her, as much as she knew she needed to tell Grissom about the baby she wanted to do everything she could to avoid it. "Okay," she said stoically.

"I won't press you now about what has you so upset, but I do want to ask you why you pushed me away this last month," he began tentatively. He was unsure is he was about to unleash another flood of tears.

There it was; her golden opportunity to tell him, but she was too afraid. "I've just been having a hard time lately. Some of our recent cases have affected me more than usual. It's not big deal, really. I'll be fine."

He shook his head, "I know you. I know there is more to it than that. You can tell me. There is nothing you…" Before he could finish his thought, Sara's cell phone rang.

"Sidle," she answered quickly. She used her maiden name at work though she proudly signed her reports Sara Sidle-Grissom and marked her evidence seals, SSG. "I'll be right there."

Grissom raised his eyebrow at her in question. She answered, "Our signature left us a new vic. Will you be okay on your own for a little while?"

"Yeah," he answered. "Hmm, are you sure being upset as you were…"

She cut him of. "I'm fine. You made it all fine. You always do."

Grissom knew that his ability to comfort her was unique, though he did not believe for a second she was fine. Still, the signature case was hot; the evidence very delicate. He did not want anyone else handling the scene but him. He knew that battle was lost before he even started to fight it. Sara had worked every one of the scenes by his side. He could rest with her running this one on her own. "I'll call the office and let everyone know this is your scene. You run it, supervise the collection of all of the evidence as well as the transport. It is all yours."

Sara gave him the first smile she had in weeks. She leaned over and placed a kiss on his stubbly cheek. "I love you. You rest and we'll get you shaved when I come home."

Grissom fingered is chin. "Actually, I was considering growing the beard again."

Sara heard that out of one ear as she doubled checked her field kit. "If you do that you sleep on the couch until it's gone."

His laughter joined hers for a few seconds before his ribs protested, forcing his silence. "You be careful."

"I'll call you," she promised and left for the crime scene.

If Grissom had been feeling better he would have spent his time piecing together the puzzle that was Sara's recent behavior. Fatigue and medication made his usually sharp mind turn to Jell-O so all he could do was lean back and let himself fall asleep.

Grissom awoke sometime later to Catherine's voice. It didn't make sense that he'd be hearing Catherine's voice in the bedroom he shared with Sara. _Sara? Where was…_

"Sara?" he called out sitting up slowly. His pills must have worn off because he let out an audible groan at the movement. "Honey, are you home?" Still silence. She must still be…

Before he could complete the though he heard Catherine's voice again. He turned towards the sound and nodded in recognition when his gaze fell upon their police scanner on the bedside table. Sara must have left it on when she left. He focused on Catherine's words, "CSI Willows, we have a man down. Repeat man down. Dispatch EMTs to Fremont Street 419."

"Fremont Street 419," Grissom said to himself. That was Sara's crime scene.


	7. Chapter 7

**All Standard Disclaimers Apply.**

**Thanks again to Giwu for betaing this fic for me. It is appreciated.**

**A/N: I am going to begin posting a sequel to my JAG novel story Can We Ever Get Back To Before beginning August 1. At that time I will be establishing a schedule for updates on my stories, updating once every week on the same day for each story. I am going to try to being weekly updates of Mountains every Wednesday evening. I hope you enjoy this next chapter.**

Sara's cell phone rang for the fifth time in less than 5 minutes. The caller ID flashed HOME, but still Catherine ignored it. She didn't want to explain to Grissom why she was answering Sara's cell phone. It was bad enough someone was going to have to explain why they took Sara to the hospital. Finally, though her luck ran out and her cell phone rang. The ID flashed GRISSARA home.

"Willows," she answered.

"Catherine," Grissom began urgently. "What happened? Who's hurt? Is Sara still there?"

"Grissom, calm down," she said smoothly. "Sara got dizzy at the scene and fainted EMTs transported her but she's refusing treatment. She's fine. I'm going to have a uniform bring her home."

"You're letting her refuse…Catherine, I'll be there in ten minutes," he declared.

"Gil, don't," she argued. "It'll only upset her. She's just a little dehydrated."

"Something else is going on here, Catherine," Grissom insisted. "I…just…Make sure she gets home safely."

"I will," Catherine assured him. "Oh, Gil…She's having a rough time. Go easy on her."

Catherine broke the connection before he could press her further on the issue. Grissom was left alone with his thoughts, "What's wrong with your Mama?" he asked his faithful boxer, patting his head.

Bruno made a small noise and walked over to his nearly empty food bowl. He sat down, looked at Grissom, and barked. Out of habit Grissom moved to the bag of dog food and fed his pet. "Food," he said to himself. "Sara hasn't eaten today."

After a quick side trip to the bathroom Grissom made his way to the kitchen. Bending from his knees he went through the contents of the refrigerator eventually unearthing an assortment of berries, half an apple, and a rotten plum. He discarded the spoiled fruit, set the apple aside for himself and used the berries to make Sara a fruit salad. After grabbing another plate and scooping a dollop of peanut butter on it, he scribbled a note and placed it next to the fruit plate. It simply said:

_Sara,_

_I know you didn't eat today. I'm not at all happy about that, you need your strength. You eat this and then we'll talk. I love you._

_Gil_

Grissom took his snack and drink returned to their bedroom. He knew Sara would likely be upset he'd gotten out of bed but he could not just lie around and fail to provide for his wife when he knew her collapse at the crime scene was due to her worry for him and the time she had spent fussing over him. He wasn't always sure he was a very good husband. He knew he was standoffish, quiet, even to the point of cruelty at times. One thing he did know was that good husbands and good wives took care of each other. Sara was hurting, stuck somewhere lonely and dark. He didn't know where she was nor how she got there, all he knew was he had to do anything and everything to help her. If all he could do until she was ready to talk was make her a bowl of mixed berried, then at least it was something.

He settled himself in the bed and focused on eating his snack and petting Bruno. He was just beginning to relax and drift back to sleep when he heard the front door open. Bruno was off the bed quickly, running with his tail wagging to greet Sara. Grissom could hear her talk to the dog, close the door behind her when she left to walk him, and close the door once again when she returned ten minutes later. He listened closely to the familiar sounds of Sara's-arriving-home from-work-ritual. He knew she would pass the kitchen table and in doing so see the fruit plate he had made for her. He expected to hear a chair scrape the floor as she sat down, what he actually heard was very different.

If he didn't know better he'd swear by the sounds Sara was making she was choking. He had heard this particular sound so often in his career, he could easily tell the difference between choking and vomiting. Cautiously he slid out of bed and hurried to the kitchen. Sara was standing against the sink, pale, sweaty, and shaky vomiting bile and clear liquid into the basin.

"Sara," Grissom said gently, so he didn't startle her. She turned to look at him, tears dripping down her cheeks, crying out for support and he gladly complied moving to stand beside her securing her weight with his arms until the spasms subsided.

Sara was thankful for Grissom's strength and used it greedily as he led her to the sofa and helped her sit. He flinched as he sat next to her. She tried to rise and escape the confrontation she knew was about to come but was stopped by her husband's arm settling around her shoulders. He held her loosely, so she could get up if she wanted to but instead she leaned against him, tired and scared.

Gently he kissed her forehead. "I'm worried about you, Sara," he said softly.

She nodded, "You talked to Catherine? What did she say?"

"She told me you fainted at the crime scene," he replied. "I know that it's my fault. I didn't realize you hadn't eaten."

"You are my husband, Gil," she sighed. "Not my mother. I wasn't hungry."

"You may not feel hungry, but your body clearly is," he pointed out.

"I saw the fruit plate you made for me," she began, practically whispering. "It was very sweet." Her voice quivered a bit before she started to cry, not as hard as she did in their bedroom earlier, but this latest bout of tears was enough to alarm Grissom even more than earlier.

"Is that…Sara, I need to know what's going on with you," Grissom told her gently. "When I was on my way to the hospital after the fall last night, I honestly was not sure if you'd be at the hospital when I got there, you had been so distant, like you couldn't stand to be near me. And now, not that I'm complaining, you are clingy and emotional, you are fainting at crime scenes…I'm confused, concerned and worried."

"Could I ever make you mad, Gil?" Sara asked in a flat emotionless voice as if she had never heard his statement.

"We all have the ability to make someone else angry," Grissom reasoned. "Sure, you have made me mad in the past, and you'll probably do so again. Why? Where is this coming from?"

"There are so many cases where…Remember Kay Shelton?" she asked.

"She was a battered wife whose husband dumped her in the desert. We had to date her death back with an entomological time line. Why?" Grissom asked absently rubbing Sara's arm to soothe the pain he felt radiating from her body.

"Could I ever make you that mad?" she asked innocently, her watery eyes hugs as she met his probing gaze.

Maintaining his gentle hold Grissom shifted to make sure he held Sara's eyes firmly. "Sara, that…I know…" His words were failing him as they so often did when it came to his wife. "God, Sara. This has to stop, honey. It has to stop. You have me so afraid for you…"

She started to look for an escape. She had angered him. Grissom saw the fear flash across his wife's face, fear of him. He wanted to tighten his grip to make sure she stayed next to him, but fought the urge as not to upset her further. "I'm scared something has you so upset and…You need to tell me where you are and what is going on in your head." He regretfully pulled his arm from around her shoulder. "I need for you to let me in and tell me so I can help you or comfort you or give you space, but I won't know what to do until you tell me what's hurting you so much."

He must have played it right because she took his hands in her own, playing with his gold wedding band. "My case…Our suspected signature vic wasn't that at all," she confessed. "She was copycatted. Her breast was amputated post mortem and the COD was blunt force trauma from where her husband smashed her head against a stucco wall during an argument. I guess he panicked and tried to cover it up, so he set the scene to look like the crime scenes that have hit the news." She swallowed hard and shuddered slightly, squeezing his hand before continuing. "He loved his wife. He was so distraught by what he had done; I believe he honestly cared for her. We see it so many times Gil. So many people who one day honestly love each other and the next day…It's scary."

He nodded and rubbed a soothing thumb over her knuckles, "It is said there is a fine line between love and hate. Those two emotions are the strongest anyone can feel. I think to love passionately you have to be capable of hating passionately." He was sure to keep his voice level and to maintain eye contact so he didn't scare her. "But I don't believe you can have both feelings for the same person. I love you so much, Sara. I'd never hurt you…I…"

Sara knew that deep down Grissom would not hurt her, but she was so upset from being pregnant, his accident, and her case that she needed assurance like a child needs comfort from a parent after a nightmare. "Promise?" she asked staring at their clasped hands.

Grissom drew in a breath then reached to pull her to him, holding her tightly against his body ignoring the protest from his ribs in favor of offering her physical security. He wished that she could feel his love for her through his arms. "I do, honey. I promise you there is nothing you could ever do or say that would justify me hurting you. I wouldn't even try. I…I thought you knew that"

His voice caught as his heart ached with pain for her. "When you hurt, so do I, honey, and we are both in agony now, but soon, it will be okay. I promise."

Grissom held her a moment longer before releasing her, "I love you too, Gil," she replied. "That's why I'm so…I want to tell you why, but…"

He put a gentle finger to her lips, "No more talking for now. You need to eat and we both need some rest and relaxation. What would like for a snack?"

"I can fix myself something. You are _supposed_ to be on bed rest," she reminded him.

"True, but I didn't pass out or throw up in the kitchen sink. I'll make us some sandwiches and then I have a little surprise for you," he told her.

Sara knew she'd lose if she argued so she agreed, "I'm going to change and get comfortable," she told him, kissing his cheek before heading to their room.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Well here is it. The chapter I know you have all be waiting for me to complete. I have read and reread it to try to catch any mistakes I may have made but forgive me if I missed any as my beta reader is taking a brief hiatus. **

**Also, I do not know anything about the procedure for naming a star after someone, if they tell you where it is or anything like that so I took some dramatic license for this chapter. Please read and review! I know I have readers, I can see the hits. I'd love to hear from you.**

Chapter 8

Sara stood in the bathroom in front of the full-length mirror. She slowly undressed until she stood naked and staring at the slight changes that occurred in her body over the last ten weeks. Her breasts were beginning to round out and her nipples were turning a darker pink. Her usually flat stomach was developing a small bump that would soon let her secret out for all to see. She had to tell Grissom about the baby and soon.

The squeak of the bathroom door hinges as they opened startled her, but she still managed to quickly pull her robe around her naked body. Grissom laughed, "Why so shy?" he asked moving closer until their bodies were pressed together stomach to stomach, chest to chest. Grissom took Sara's chin between his thumb and forefinger. He closed the only remaining space between their bodies, tilting his head before taking her lips in a soft kiss. For the first time in over a month Sara softened against him and opened her mouth eager to receive her husband's attention. All too soon for Sarah, Grissom pulled back, "Put your clothes back on, honey."

Sara laughed, "That is an unusual request for you after a kiss like that."

"I packed our sandwiches and drinks," he said ignoring her comment. "Get dressed and meet me in the kitchen. I want you to go somewhere special with me."

As badly as Sara wanted the intimate time with Grissom she worried about his injuries. "Sweetie, are you sure you feel up to going somewhere at this hour?"

"I'm fine," he assured her. "I'm going to spend the next nine days resting just like I promised, but tonight I want to take my wife and our peanut butter sandwiches to a very special place."

Sara finally agreed and got dressed again. She wanted to pull on a pair of her favorite denim shorts. They matched perfectly with a soft pink tank top Grissom loved. She took them out of the drawer and stepped into them, though try as she might she could not get the zipper to close. With a defeated sigh and shake of her head, she settled on a sea green colored sundress with the zipper on the side.

When she met Grissom in the living room he smiled and kissed her cheek. "You look pretty, honey. Come on, I have everything in the truck." He took her hand and pressed and apple into it. "You eat this on the way. I'll drive."

Sara could feel Grissom leaning on her as they descended the stairs in front of their house. She watched his face but only detected a soft smile. Once she was in the car, Grissom pulled out two handkerchiefs tied together with a knot. "Close your eyes," he instructed and gently tied the makeshift blindfold over Sara's eyes.

"Gil," she began. "Where…"

"Just trust me," he whispered and closed the car door.

Grissom moved around to the driver's side, slid into the seat, and started the engine. He slowly backed out of the driveway and turned on the CD player. The music that filled the car was not Grissom's usual fare, but instead contained the unmistakable sound of a steel guitar. Sara listened intently to the CD and after two songs had played she realized it was not one of hers. "Where did this come from, Griss?" she asked.

"I chose the songs myself and Greg burned it for me," Grissom replied.

"Anything in particular factor into your choices?" Sara asked.

"Ssh," Grissom said. "Just listen and relax. We're almost there."

Sara listened to the music trying to find a connection between the various titles other than the genre and subject. Grissom was the master puzzle solver and given that fact when he created a puzzle he was usually the only one who could find the solution.

After driving about an hour Grissom brought the car to a stop. Sara reached up for the blindfold, "Not yet, honey," Grissom told her. "I'm coming around for you."

Sara laughed and pushed open her car door, expecting Grissom would be with her any second so she turned sideways. After a moment when he did not come she called out to him, "Gil, you okay?"

"Just another minute," he answered. "I'm just finishing setting up."

"Don't hurt yourself," Sara warned as she heard him moving around the truck.

"Sara," he said his voice holding just a hint of warning.

"Okay," she laughed and held up her hands in mock surrender. A minute later she felt Grissom's warm touch on her hands.

"All right," he said. "Step down easily and hold my hand."

Sara did as he asked and followed him as he led her to the front of the truck, "Close your eyes," he instructed. "I'm going to remove the blindfold. Don't open your eyes until I tell you."

"You're getting me excited, Gil. The better be good," she playfully warned as he untied the knot.

"Okay," he said tucking the hankie in his pocket. "Open your eyes."

When Sara did she found herself looking at a gorgeous desert sky. She and Grissom both agreed there was nothing more beautiful than the Nevada sky at night off in the dark away from the lights of the Strip. Out here the sky was full of gorgeous stars bright enough to provide a soft romantic light. On the hood of their truck Grissom had laid out two down sleeping bags that were held in place by a picnic basket.

Sara felt her eyes tear up, "Gil, this is beautiful."

He shook his head and softly caressed her cheek, "You're beautiful. Hop up on the there," he instructed pointing at the truck. "You still need to get more food into you."

Sara slid on top of the car effortlessly the wordlessly provided masked aid to Grissom who winced slightly at the movement. He opened the basket and the couple ate in silence enjoying the peace and beauty of the moment. Once Sara finished her sandwich Grissom closed the empty basket and dropped it off the side of the truck.

"Come here," he whispered lying back on their makeshift bed. He lifted his arm in an invitation for Sara to snuggle close to him. She slid near and laid her head on his chest.

"I love you," she murmured playing with the zipper on his shirt. "I'm sorry that I've been acting so distant. There is a reason and …" She swallowed when she felt his eyes on her. She tilted her head to meet the large blue orbs, "I'm so sorry I hurt you, Gil."

He shook his head, "It's all right. We all need our space sometimes. We all are our own person. Being married might be a union of lives, bodies, even minds but it is not a compound, you can't lose your own properties to another person. A successful marriage is like…air," he theorized.

Sara's eyebrows arched, "Air?"

"Yes," Grissom reasoned. "You know how that air is chemical mixture, made up of oxygen, nitrogen, argon, carbon dioxide, and in Vegas heaven know what else. Each of these elements has their own properties. On their own, some are stubborn, some are unhealthy, but when properly blended together, they make up something everyone on earth needs for survival. What we have, you and I, is highly purified, unpolluted air."

Sara grinned, "If any other man compared me to air he'd get a good view of my backside as I ran in the opposite direction. Seriously, though Gil, I love you so much."

"I know, baby," he whispered gently rubbing her arm. "I love you too."

He dropped his head until his slightly parted lips were just over hers. Sara felt her mouth go dry with the need to feel him take her mouth with his. Seductively her pink tongue snaked out to lick the circumference of her lips, leaving them moist and opened, ready for the taking.

Grissom gently slipped his upper lip over Sara's taking the lead as he usually did. Sara melted against him her arms wrapping around his neck. Grissom held her close, his large warm hands running over her cool, soft skin. He slowly shifted his weight so that his body covered hers.

"Gil, be careful," she whispered. "Your ribs."

He nodded and moved slowly off of her to the space he'd just occupied, "If not for that, honey…" he sighed. "I need you so much. I miss you."

Sara lightly traced his lips with the pad of her thumb, "Why don't we pack up, head home, and put that whirlpool tub to good use?" she suggested. "I'll give you a nice, long, very therapeutic bath."

"I'd rather make love to my wife in our large, warm bed," he replied.

"All in good time," she answered. "I've had cracked ribs, babe. I know you're in pain. Let's get you home. You can rest and relax and soon, when you're healed it will all be worth it."

Grissom leaned over slightly and kissed her gently, "All right, but not until I show you what I came here to show you. Lie on your back and look up at the sky."

Sara curled into Grissom's side, and he immediately wrapped his arms around her. "Do you see the bright star about 90 degrees from the antenna?" he asked pointing to the mark in the night sky.

Sara's eyes moved and searched out the target, "Yes, I see it."

"Count three stars west and two stars north," he directed moving his hand slightly "Right there, that is my favorite star in the entire Nevada sky."

"That one?" Sara asked. "What makes that one so special?"

"Because that one," he whispered planting a kiss on her cheek. "Is the one I named after my beautiful wife last Christmas. It took me awhile but I finally found exactly where it was and where it was best to view it."

Sara smiled brightly, tears stinging her eyes at Grissom's gesture. She cuddled closer to him burying her fact in his shoulder, "I love you."

"Mmm," Grissom replied lifting Sara's chin so he could capture her lips with his using his tongue to open her mouth. Sara moaned against his lips allowing him entry, sliding her tongue to meet with his. Their tongues touched and mated as Grissom's hand slid down the skin of her arms to the hem of her dress. He maneuvered one hand under the cloth and began to massage the silky flesh of her long, slender leg.

Sara's hands were busy as well running down Grissom's muscled arms, gently across his chest, careful not to press too hard and cause his ribs to hurt. She trailed her hands down his sides and under his shirt until she felt the smooth skin of his chest. He shuddered at her touch and moved his mouth from hers so his lips could travel along her jaw to her earlobe. He took the delicate bit of skin in his mouth and flecked the tip of his tongue over it. Sara moaned dropping her head back exposing her throat to her husband's exploration.

Grissom's lips left her ear and trailed down her throat intermittently licked and sucking as he moved along her collar bone toward the valley of tender skin between her breasts. His hand left her leg and worked toward her breasts, a favorite place of his. Sara would usually melt from the combination of Grissom's lips and hands on her delicate flesh. In only moments he expected the small passionate gasps she was making to transform into moans of ecstasy. What he heard next was not a sound pleasure, but one of pain.

"Gil, ow!" Sara cried when his hands skimmed her breasts through her cotton dress.

"I'm sorry, Sara," he gasped in surprise, ceasing all movement for fear of hurting her again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." He moved away from her and sat up quickly enough to cause him significant pain. He let out a moan of his own.

Sara sat up and put a gentle arm around Grissom's waist, "Easy, Gil," she soothed until he was able to relax. Once his breathing evened out she said, "Let's go home. You need your rest."

Grissom nodded but did not meet Sara's eyes. She knew she'd frightened him by exhibiting pain at his touch. She reached for his cheek as he sat and stared down at his hands. He did not retreat from her touch but he also did not indulge in it.

Grissom did not feel Sara's hand on his cheek. His analytical mind was spinning in confusion. He couldn't count the number of times he'd touched her in that way and never once had she responded in that manner. What happened this time? Had he really been the cause of her pain or merely an instrument to its revelation?

As Grissom processed all of his thoughts he became vaguely aware of Sara's voice and touch, "Gil, honey. Please talk to me."

Grissom shook his head, "I'm sorry. I…I'm very confused right now. I didn't mean to hurt you, and I know I did but it doesn't make sense. I've done that, touched you like that so many times before and I never…you never reacted like that. What happened, Sara?"

Sara let out a long sigh, "Gil, I have to tell you something. I…You didn't hurt me because you did something differently. It's me. I'm different," Sara confessed. "This isn't how I wanted to tell you, but this night is so beautiful it might be the perfect way after all. Gil," Sara said easily taking a deep breath. She touched his hand and squeezed, "I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby."


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Here is your weekly Mountains update. Once again I tried to catch the mistakes I made in typing it up, but forgive me if I missed any. My beta is on hiatus. I hope you enjoy this installment. As always reviews are welcomed. Standard disclaimers apply.

Chapter 9

Grissom took in Sara's words and sat a few moments in stunned silence. Pregnant? Taken alone the events of the past weeks indicated stress, upset, and burnout, but taken together…Sara's mood swings, the vomiting, the dizziness and fainting, pregnancy was the perfect solution.

"I can't believe I missed that," he said in disbelief when he found his voice again.

Grissom's reply startled Sara, "Excuse me?"

"I can't believe I didn't see it," he repeated. "All the signs were there. All of them."

"You weren't looking for them," she observed. "We've both had a lot going on and we had our decision made about this. It is understandable."

"I suppose," Grissom agreed. "This is really unexpected, honey."

"I know," Sara agreed. "Believe me, Gil; I was just as shocked about this when I found out as you are now." Sara held her breath as she said that hoping he would indeed believe she was surprised as Catherine had assured her he would.

"I can only imagine," he answered. "We decided not to pursue this and to have it pursue us…Have you been to a doctor? Is it, uh…Are you sure you really are…"

"Pregnant?" she supplied. "Yeah, it's confirmed."

Sara watched Grissom's face searching for any sign of anger or recrimination. Instead she saw confusion, understanding, and most surprisingly of all, concern.

"And you're all right?" he asked. "The doctor said everything is normal?" She detected a hint of fear mixed with hope in his voice.

"Dr. Ragner says my red blood cell count and blood pressure were a little low but other than that I'm fine," she said.

"Is that something to worry about?" Grissom asked clearly already worried.

"No," Sara said squeezing his hand as she spoke, relieved he hadn't gotten angry or released his grip on her hand. "She says it happens sometimes with vegetarians."

"And um, when…When will it be?" he asked.

All of Grissom's questions were practical even common for a husband about to become a father but his tone lacked the excitement and elation that usually accompanied them. In place of those emotions was resolve, surrender, and fear.

This hurt Sara more deeply than she imagined it would. She knew when the doctor told her she was pregnant Grissom would not turn cartwheels or lift her into his arms and spin her around like they did in the movies, but the reality of his reaction and the weight of his near indifference stung badly.

She felt tears begin to form in her eyes, "February 24."

He did some mental computations, "So you're about three months along then," he deduced. "How long have you known?"

There it was the dreaded yet inevitable question she had no choice but to answer and no cause not to answer truthfully, "Over a month."

At that Grissom finally dropped her hand and placed the hand she'd just been holding in his lap. "I see," he sighed and moved slowly to dismount the truck's hood.

"Gil, please don't be mad," Sara pleaded following him, tears falling from her eyes.

"I'm not mad," he replied. "In fact that's one of the only things I'm not right now. Let's go home."

Sara felt a sob escape her as she made her way to the passenger side of the truck and got in. She knew she should help Grissom clean up their picnic; but given the pain she felt and the uncontrollable tears cascading down her cheeks she felt the dark interior of the SUV was the safest place for her.

It only took Grissom ten minutes to clean up but in that time he was able to calm down and think. The first thing that registered was how upset Sara was. Sara knew his feelings about having a child. She had to have been terrified of how he'd react. She had no reason to be afraid but she was; she always was. He would never hurt her, he had never hurt her, but she still lived in fear of him.

Sara was huddled in the passenger seat of the truck with her knees curled into her chest. She hadn't yet fastened her belt, she just sat folded in on herself with her head resting on the window pane.

Slowly and painfully Grissom got into the truck. His pain killers were long gone and the exertion of his activities had put extra strain on the tender bones and flesh, still the pain in his chest was nothing in comparison to the pain in his heart at the tear marks on Sara's face.

Grissom remained quiet as he turned to face Sara, "You could have told me about this before. I know I said I didn't…"

Sara's husky voice cut him off, "Leave it alone, Gil."

"I can't honey," he insisted his voice loving and gentle.

"Leave me alone, Gil," she said harshly. For effect she added a firm, "I mean it."

"All right," Grissom replied, physical and emotional pain evident in his tone. "I'll leave it alone, but I promised myself and you when we got married I would never leave you alone and I will not break that promise."

Sara cleared her throat and wiped her eyes, "I'll drive."

"Excuse me?" Grissom asked confused.

"You're hurting," she clarified. "I'll drive."

Grissom knew what this was; it was her olive branch without words. He accepted by exiting the vehicle when she did and switching sides with her.

They made the hour drive home in complete silence neither ready to discuss Sara's news or what it meant to their lives. The tension was palpable but as Sara stole sidelong glances at Grissom and saw him grimace with each small bump or sharp turn her heart began to soften all of her anger and hurt forgotten at his pain.

She pulled into their driveway and turned off the engine. She reached across the console and rubbed the back of Grissom's left hand. "Gil, do you want to sit out here a bit? I can go inside and get your pills and some water, let some of this pain ease off before you try the steps."

Grissom covered her hand and offered a small smile of gratitude, "Thank you, but I'd rather just go inside. You and I both need rest."

Sara nodded and went around to help Grissom get out of the truck and into the house.   
"Will you need help getting ready for bed?" Sara asked.

"No, I'll manage," he replied. "You go get changed"

Sara did as he asked changing once again from her day clothes to comfortable pajamas. When they lay in bed half hour later Grissom was feeling marginal relief from the dose of pain medication he had taken. He was the first to break the silence, "Did you enjoy your surprise?" he asked setting an arm around her shoulders.

"I loved it," Sara replied. "I'm sorry about how everything ended. I know I should have told you before but I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?" he asked rubbing her arm lightly.

"Of a lot of things," Sara whispered. "I know you don't want this baby and I was scared you would…"

"Would what?" he prompted sensing she was about to shut down.

Her reply was so soft, so muffled he could only make out a few words, "rid of it."

"Sara?" he began reacting to just the words he had heard. "My God you thought I'd make you have an abortion?"

She nodded tears falling from her eyes once more, "Or that you'd leave me, leave us. I knew you would be angry but I didn't know what that anger would make you do or say or anything."

At Sara's admission it was as if a light bulb clicked on inside Grissom's head. All of her tears the last few days about his leaving her were not as he believed in response to his accident but out of fear of his reaction to her pregnancy.

"Sara, you had to know I'd never leave you to have my baby, our baby alone," Grissom said rather distant. "I love you and this baby is our child. I would never want to leave you or have you end its life. Never."

Sara cried desperately at Grissom's declaration, at his assurance he loved her and would not leave her to raise the baby alone. Grissom tightened his arms around her holding her close, "It's all right, honey," he comforted. "It's all right."

Sara sniffled, "No it isn't. I hate being this weepy and clingy and I'm going to be like this for six more months."

Grissom chuckled, "I like you this weepy and clingy. It makes me feel needed, that I can give you love and comfort, things I know you never had when you really needed them."

"I love you," Sara whispered against his chest. Then as she took one of his hands and placed it against her belly, she added, "We both do."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I'm still without a beta reader but hopefully she'll be back soon. Once again I tried to catch my mistakes but forgive me if I failed to get all of them. Please remember to review. I love to hear what my readers think. Thanks for reading.**

**Chapter 10**

**Five Days Later**

Sara arrived home to the scent of Grissom's mushroom omelets. They had established after several ill-fated attempts Sara was nauseated by the smell of pizza, coffee, and fruit of any kind. This aroma was extremely welcome.

"Hey," Sara called as she closed and locked the door. Bruno heard her voice and came running out of the bedroom. He sat by her feet and Sara patted his velvety head before going to the kitchen in search of Grissom.

He was, as she suspected, serving up the second of the two omelets he'd created for their breakfast that morning. "Good morning," he smiled and handed her a plate.

"It is now," she sighed and took a seat at their table.

"Busy night?" Grissom asked sitting across from her.

"Not at all," Sara answered taking a nibble of her breakfast. "I'm just so tired."

"You think you may be working too hard?" Grissom asked concerned.

"I have a doctor's appointment in two weeks," she answered. "I'll ask her about it."

"So you'll just spend the next two weeks being tired and possibly overdoing it at work?" he asked shaking his head in disapproval. "Why don't you call your doctor and ask about this?"

"I asked Catherine," Sara told him. "She said it is normal to feel this way."

"Catherine is not a doctor," Grissom stated the obvious. "Please at least ask Al."

"Gil, there is nothing to worry about," Sara said smiling at his worry for her and their child.

"There's only one problem with that idea, babe. No one but Catherine knows about the baby," Sara reminded him taking another small bite of her seemingly large breakfast.

"People are going to find out eventually, honey," Grissom said. "Now that you told me we should probably talk about how we are going to tell the others, especially our mothers."

"You mean your mother," Sara corrected. "If you remember I wrote to Laura when we got married and I never heard a thing from her. I can't handle that again with everything else going on right now."

"That is a choice only you can make," Grissom agreed taking a sip of his tea. "Still we need to tell my mother and everyone at the lab including…and I know you are going to hate…"

Sara nodded, already expecting his next words, "I'll tell the Undersheriff if you tell Ecklie," she suggested.

"I was thinking we could tell them both together," he said smiling. "But that was a good try."

Sara yawned and pushed her half eaten meal away, "I'm sorry, baby. Breakfast is delicious but…"

Grissom got out of his chair and went to Sara's die, "You are exhausted. To be with you, my dear," he proclaimed taking her hand and helping her out of the chair.

Sara let Grissom lead her to their bedroom and tuck her under the covers. He gently reached down and brushed a strand of hair out of her face, "Gil," Sara said softly. "Let's tell everyone when you come back to work next week. We can tell Ecklie after that, okay?"

"Okay," he replied. "You get some sleep. I love you."

Sara did not return Grissom's declaration. She was already sound asleep.

The next few days of Grissom's leave passed very similarly to that one. Grissom would fix a breakfast Sara could stomach and they would eat together before Sara succumbed to pregnancy induced slumber.

Soon it was time for Grissom to go back to work. Sara was nervous about what that meant. They agreed to arrive early and call a meeting of the graveyard CSIs including Dr. Robbins and Brass. Then they would break the news to everyone. After much debate the couple had agreed Grissom would be the one to make the announcement. He seemed excited about that prospect so Sara happily agreed to let him have the honor.

They usually rode in to work separately but that day they drove together. Sara sat beside Grissom nervously fidgeting with her wedding ring. "Honey, it will be okay. These people are our friends. They are going to be happy for us."

"I know," Sara replied. "I'm not worried about telling our friends. I'm nervous about telling Ecklie. But hey, a few days ago I would have told Ecklie ten times over just to avoid telling you and I did that right?"

"Right," he encouraged. "And it wasn't that hard once you got the words out, was it?"

"No," Sara smiled. "You took it much better than I thought you were going to take it."

"And so will Ecklie and everyone else," Grissom assured her. "Who couldn't be happy about a baby?"

Sara stopped playing with her ring at his words, "Are you?" she asked. "Happy about it I mean. You never said for sure."

Grissom thought a moment then nodded, "Yes. I am, honey. I'm surprised myself because this was not something I wanted but I am very happy about this baby."

Those words from Grissom made Sara's face light up with joy. "I'm glad," she admitted. "You are going to be a wonderful father. You already are in some ways."

Grissom's eyebrows knitted together. "How do you mean? You have all of the hard work at this phase."

"Well, you have been taking care of me for the last ten days, making sure I ate and slept, but more than that everyone in the lab looks up to you, especially the younger guys," Sara replied. "They idolize you, and whether you realize it or not you lead them by example every day. That is what a father does; well that's what he's supposed to do at any rate."

Grissom pulled their truck into his assigned parking space, "That's comforting to know," he said and slid out of the car going around to help Sara out of her seat and oversee her descent to the pavement.

Grissom took Sara's hand once she was safely out of the truck and standing next to him in the parking lot. She wiggled it slightly, "Gil, we usually don't hold hands at work. Ours bosses…"

"Ssh," he whispered. "We're not on duty yet. We are just two people going to talk with their friends and give them the news that we are going to start a family."

Sara squeezed his hand then, "Do you want to come back for our kits then or…"

"There isn't any evidence in the kits, the alarm is set," he replied. "I don't want work to ruin in this moment. I'll come back for the kits. Let's go."

Hand in hand the Grissoms entered the building and rode the elevator to the floor assigned to their unit. Although it was not necessary, Grissom held the elevator doors back until Sara cleared the threshold and held onto her hand as they made their way to the break room. As they passed the trace lab, Hodges poked his head out, "Welcome back, Boss," he greeted in typical brown nose manner.

"Good evening David," Grissom replied offering the younger man a smile that nearly caused him to fall over backward in surprise. "Could you please spread the word on the floor that I want to see everyone from graveyard in the break room in 15 minutes? That included the corner's staff and the lab technicians."

"Sure thing, boss," Hodges replied. "Is someone in trouble?"

"I haven't been gone that long," Grissom answered. "You still know that if someone were in trouble I wouldn't let the entire lab know about it. I would appreciate it if you would do me the favor I asked of you quickly."

Again Hodges smiled broadly, bristling with pride in himself, "Right away, boss."

Exactly fifteen minutes later the entire night shift of CSI was gathered in the break room. Everyone was speculating and some even betting on what was going on and why Grissom had chosen Hodges of all people to carry the message. Catherine was certain she knew what her friends were about to reveal, but she sat quietly at the end of the table keeping her knowledge and her smile to herself.

Grissom and Sara walked into the room holding hands. It was public knowledge that they were married and had been for two years; in fact most of the people gathered in the room now were at their wedding ceremony or reception, still it was uncommon to see them displaying their affection for each other so openly at work.

"Good evening," Grissom began raising his voice slightly to be heard over the myriad of voices coursing through the small room. "Can I have everyone's attention for a few moments then I promise I'll let you all get back to working those double and triple shifts you are all so fond of."

A smattering of laughter was heard throughout the room. The comment had added to everyone's curiosity, Grissom was not known for his comedic talent. Still he had everyone's full attention. Sara squeezed his hand and smiled at him as he cleared his throat and began to deliver their news, "First of all, I'd like to thank all of you for all of the time you put in while I was on leave. That is one of the things that makes this lab as successful as it is, we all take care of each other and do our best to help one another out when it's needed. Still, while you all deserve the commendation that is not why I asked you all to be here tonight. The reason I called this meeting is because Sara and I have an announcement to make and we'd like everyone here to be the first to know that we are going to have a baby. Sara is three months pregnant."

There was silence followed by applause, laughter, shouts of joy and surprise and a few mutterings of "Pay up." Grissom's eyes searched the crowd and found Brass and Doc Robbins standing together both men smiling their approval and nodding their encouragement. Catherine dashed forward and hugged Sara tightly while Greg, Nick and Warrick lined up for their turn to offer congratulations to the mother to be.

Brass worked his way around the crowd and stepped next to Grissom. With a large smile on his face he clapped his friend on the shoulder, "Way to go! It's a great feeling isn't it?"

"I don't know Jim, it's a new feeling…I…" Grissom struggled to find the right words.

Sara smiled and accepted Brass' hug, "Forgive him, Jim. He's reached his eloquence quota for the month."

Grissom laughed at Sara's playful banter and continued to shake hands with his friends and co-workers as they offered their congratulations to the growing family. Doc Robbins was the last to approach the couple. He leaned forward and took Sara into a warm hug, "You take it easy and come see me if you aren't feeling well during your shift, all right? I may be a pathologist but I was a doctor first."

"Oh, she'll take it easy," Grissom clarified. "Thanks you Al for your concern and for everything else."

Sara wasn't sure what Grissom meant by that comment but Dr. Robbins seemed to know. She tucked her curiosity away for the future and turned to embrace Grissom, "That was easy enough," she sighed as he rubbed her back gently.

"Sure it was," he replied. "And tomorrow morning will go just as easily, you'll see. Now I have to go hand out assignments. We have crimes to solve."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Special thanks to Giwu for betaing. I'm glad you are back. Sorry for the delay in posting I had a bit of writer's block but it seems to have gone away for the time being. Hope you enjoy. **

Sara sat next to Grissom in the padded leather chairs in the Sheriff's office. She had her legs crossed, her right over her left with her hands folded delicately in her lap. She was nervously bouncing her left foot making her entire body jiggle up and down slightly. Grissom smiled at her unease and reached across the arm of his chair to hold her hands. "Relax," he whispered gently. "You know Ecklie. He can smell fear."

"I'm not scared," she countered. "I'm nervous. There is a difference."

"Only in your vocabulary, dear," Grissom smiled. "Just try to sit still and hold my hand."

"Gil, if they see us holding hands they'll…" Sara began but was interrupted by the opening of the sheriff's office door.

"Dr. Grissom. Mrs. Grissom," he greeted. "It has been a while since I have seen you both together. Undersheriff McLean is not going to be able to join us today as he has some family business to attend to, unfortunately. Conrad will be here shortly."

"We appreciate you seeing us on such short notice, Sheriff," Grissom said squeezing Sara's hand.

The sheriff gave them a small smile as the door opened again and Ecklie joined the small gathering. He took a position leaning against the wall near the window adjacent to the sheriff's desk. They group exchanged social pleasantries and small talk before Grissom cleared his throat to speak. "Well, again, thank you for finding time to see us today. Sara and I wanted to get everything out in the open right away so we know what we will have to work with in the next few months."

"Is something wrong, Gil?" Ecklie asked not out of concern for them exactly but for his own position. Grissom had just returned from a medical leave, it was possible there was a more significant reason than the injuries from his fall.

"No," Grissom replied. "Actually, quite the contrary but it will still affect the lab for the time being so naturally it is of everyone's concern. Do you want to tell them, honey?"

Sara squeezed Grissom's hand even harder than she already had been. She didn't know why admitting her pregnancy was so scary for her, she was very happy with the idea of being a mother and having a family with Grissom, still she was nervous when it came to telling anyone. She wanted everyone to share her happiness and given her rocky emotional state she was terrified she'd shatter if someone did not. That was the last thing she wanted to do in front of Ecklie. Still with a deep breath and a firm stance she nodded, "I'd love to tell them, Gil," she replied and flashed all three men in the room a winning smile. "Gris…Gil and I are going to have a baby."

Sara's revelation was followed by momentary silence which the sheriff finally broke. "Well, I suppose we should have been expecting this at some point or another. I must say it will complicate things slightly at the lab a bit but I am happy for you both. Congratulations." The older man rose from his desk and reached out to shake Grissom's hand and then Sara's.

Ecklie stood leaning against the bookcase in the corner of the room. "You realize she can't go out in the field," he commented once everyone had been seated. "If she gets sick or something she could contaminate evidence."

"It would figure that's what you'd worry about," Sara retorted. "Never mind that I or my baby could be harmed while I am in the field."

"Well that goes without saying," Ecklie conceded. "I wish you would have consulted me before making a decision that will impact this entire lab!"

The sheriff looked at Ecklie in confusion, "Conrad, Gil and Sara have the right to make personal decisions without our input regardless of whether or not they will affect the lab. You are an assistant director, it is your job to solve issues like this, not create more problems," he said, a hint of anger in his voice.

Grissom felt a twinge of protectiveness at the comments being exchanged between the sheriff and Ecklie. They were talking about his child, his baby as if it were an inconvenience instead of a blessing. "Conrad," he said in a hushed tone. "Sara and I don't see this baby as a problem. We see it as a blessing and I for one would like it if you did not speak about our child as if it were anything less."

"I understand that this is going to be your child," Ecklie returned. "That does not make it any less of a problem for me or for you."

"Listen," Grissom began, voice raising another notch as his anger built. He could tell Ecklie's words were beginning to upset Sara not that the feat was hard to accomplish lately given the powerful hormones her pregnancy was creating. Grissom desperately wanted to control the situation before those hormones surged and Sara melted down or worse had a fit of temper.

He wasn't fast enough. "Don't talk about my baby like that," Sara hissed as she began to cry.

"God in heaven," Ecklie moaned as Grissom turned to comfort his wife.

"It's all right, Sara," Grissom whispered running a soothing hand over her arm. "Don't cry."

"But…" Sara began to protest.

"Gil, get her under control," Ecklie ordered in a mocking tone.

"Conrad," the sheriff intercepted. "Your comment was out of line. You owe Sara and Gil an apology."

"I don't want an apology," Sara sniffled.

"Honey," Grissom suggested. "Why don't you go and sit outside? I'll finish up in here."

Sara took a deep breath, "No. I can stay. I'll be all right."

"Good," the sheriff said with a smile.

Grissom and Sara accepted his apology with mutual nods. By the time they left the office, the group had managed to negotiate a satisfactory plan for the coming months. Sara could continue working in the field until she was 20 weeks along but she had to work with a partner at all times and that person could not be Grissom. In spite of the successful visit Sara was on the verge of tears when they left the sheriff's office.

Grissom watched Sara out of the corner of his eye. She was wiping at her eyes trying to catch her tears before he saw them trickling down her cheeks. She was not fast enough for his quick and observant mind. "Honey, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing, it's silly," she whispered laughing at herself through her tears.

"It can't be that silly," Grissom replied encouraging her to let him in and to trust him as he always did. "What's got my girl so sad?"

"I'm not sad," she sniffled. "I'm happy."

"You're crying because you're happy?" Grissom asked. He was a bit confused but he chose to go along with it. Not more than a half hour ago she'd been in tears for hurt feelings and anger, now she had the same reaction for happiness. Grissom knew he was in for a long six months, but somehow he didn't mind a bit.

"I just didn't expect you to defend the baby like you did," Sara replied. "You…you were so set against this and now that I am pregnant you…It makes me so happy."

Grissom smiled at her and slipped his arm around her shoulders offering a gentle one armed hug. "That's why I'm happy," he replied. "I…It wasn't that I didn't want a baby, Sara. It was never about that."

"I thought that…" she began but he silenced her.

"Someday soon I'll explain it to you, honey," Grissom promised. "For now you have had a long night and a rough morning. Let's get you home so you can rest."

Sara nodded off on the drive home. She had not slept well the night before and had barely been able to make it through the entire shift. Grissom knew the baby was essentially living off of Sara, her energy, her nutrition; all of it was being drained to sustain their baby's life. Still it disturbed him to see his once vibrant wife tire so easily.

Sara stirred when Grissom pulled the truck into the driveway and cut the engine.

"Did you have a nice nap?" Grissom asked a hint of a smile on his face. He loved to watch her sleep.

"I'm sorry," Sara yawned. "I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."

They exited their vehicle and collected their kits. Bruno was waiting in the living room when Grissom pushed the door open. He sat obediently wagging his tail when his master and mistress took turns patting his head. Sara took the dog for his walk while Grissom prepared breakfast, a simple meal of buttermilk pancakes. Sara managed to eat two before succumbing to her body's demand for more sleep.

"I'm going to bed," she told Grissom sleepily rising from her chair. "Are you coming?"

"In a while," he replied. "I have to make the schedule and I thought I'd call my mom on the teletype."

"Good idea," Sara agreed. "Have you figured a time for us to visit her? You know she'll ask."

"I'm playing with a few dates," Grissom said. "But I'm not sure you should travel to LA in your condition."

"Gil, I'm not sick," Sara laughed, touched at his concern. "But if you want to invite her to Vegas that would be fine with me. Just promise me you won't tell her about the baby until I can be there too."

"I wouldn't tell her something like that over a teletype machine, honey," Grissom assured her. "I'll just make plans for her to come visit us." He stepped closer to her to take her in his arms. He kissed her gently on the lips, caressing her cheek with the back of his right hand. "Get some rest. I love you."

Sara headed for bed while Grissom busied himself manipulating the schedule so he and Sara could have three consecutive days off at together. He finally managed to get them the following Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. He would have to pull three doubles the following week to make up for it, but it would be worth it to be able to spend time with his mother and his wife. Once he had a definitive timeline to work with he sat at the teletype and called his mother's number.

The light on the machine blinked, signaling the call had been connected. "Hello," was soon displayed on the screen.

"Hi, Mom," Grissom typed. "It's Gil."

"Oh goodness," Nora Grissom replied. "It has been a long time since you called me. You usually e-mail. How are you?"

"I'm fine," Grissom said. "I'm great actually."

"And how is Sara?" Nora asked.

"She's good. We are both fine," he said again. Then he asked, "How are you? Is the gallery keeping you busy?"

Mother and son kept up the small talk and for a few more minutes before he typed, "Mom, I know it is short notice but I managed to arrange for Sara and I to have this Saturday, Sunday, and Monday off from work. We'd love for you to come to Vegas and see us. Do you think you can make it?"

"I'll have to rearrange some things," Nora replied. "But I'll make it work. I'd love to come and visit you."

"Excellent," Grissom said smiling. "I'll make your flight arrangements and have Sara e-mail them to you tomorrow."

"That will work," Nora said. "I can't wait to see you both. I love you."

"I love you too, Mom," he wrote. "I'll see you on Saturday."

Grissom ended the call and immediately went to make his mother's plane reservation. Once that was done he filed the schedule he had just worked out, showered and slipped into bed beside Sara tired, excited, and very happy.

**In the next installment of Mountains: Grissom and Sara break the news to his mother. Conflict arises between the two Mrs. Grissoms.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thanks to Giwu for the wonderful beta job as always and an extra thank you for the idea on how to tell Grissom's mom about the new arrival. As you know I have had some writer's block with this story and I am happy to say it was abated. I have two more chapters all ready written so I hope I can resume a weekly posting schedule.**

Grissom waited at the baggage claim for his mother to come down the jetway. Sara had chosen to stay behind, she was more tired than usual the last few days so Grissom was glad that she chose rest over waiting with him at the airport.

After a few moments Grissom saw his mother coming towards him. He kept his eyes focused on her face and moved in her direction. Once he closed in on her, he reached out to touch her arm while crossing into her line of vision. "Hi, mom," he greeted with a smile.

"Gil!" she replied enthusiastically wrapping him in a tight hug. "It's good to see you."

"Likewise," Grissom signed. "You look wonderful. The art gallery seems to agree with you."

Nora Grissom scanned the immediate area, "Where's Sara? You didn't make that poor girl drive around the white zone again, did you?"

"No, mom," Grissom laughed. "She's at home. She was a little tired and we have a long weekend ahead of us."

"She isn't ill, is she?" Nora asked as they began walking to the baggage claim. "You don't look overly rested yourself."

"We are both fine, mom," Grissom answered. "We're perfect."

It took about an hour for Grissom to collect his mother's bags and drive the short distance to his home. He was nervous about telling his mom about the baby, but excited as well. He knew she wanted a grandchild, but this was such a huge life event for all of them he wanted everything to go perfectly.

Grissom pulled into the driveway and took his mother's bag from the trunk, "Mom, I should warn you, Sara and I adopted a dog. He usually doesn't jump up but you never know," he said.

Nora laughed, "How does he like your spider?"

"Bruno doesn't really acknowledge him. He's usually busy knocking over the trash or trying to get the toilet lid up," he laughed.

Grissom slipped his key in the lock, but the door opened before he turned the knob.

"Hi, Nora," Sara greeted smiling. She was wearing a soft blue sundress one of the few articles of clothing she owned that still fit her comfortably.

"Sara," Nora smiled taking her daughter-in-law in her arms. "You look lovely."

"Thank you," Sara signed. "So do you."

The next few moments were spent catching up, getting Nora set up in the guest room, and introducing her to Bruno. The large dog sat obediently and licked Nora's hand as she pet him.

"You must be starving," Sara said after awhile. She had studied ASL since she and Grissom married and was now practically fluent. "I made an eggplant casserole."

"I find it so amazing," said Nora as they moved to the dining room. "That you can be so creative without using any meat at all. I thought for most of my life all you could make with eggplant is eggplant parmesan."

"I have a whole book of unique vegetarian dishes. It has nearly 20 ways to use almost every vegetable as a meal. I'll show it to you after dinner," Sara promised.

"Yes," Grissom agreed. "After dinner and after her surprise actually."

"Surprise?" Nora queried. "Gilbert, you know how I feel about surprises."

"I do, mom," Grissom assured her. "But even you will like this one. Trust me on that."

The small family ate and Nora talked about her gallery and one of her coworker's sons. "You would like him, Gilbert," Nora told Grissom. "He is very intelligent and his son, he's just the most adorable baby."

"Aren't all babies pretty adorable?" Grissom asked.

"You were," Nora replied.

Grissom raised one eyebrow quickly in Sara's direction. She nodded and excused herself to go to their bedroom and retrieve the gift she and Grissom chose to help break the news about the baby to Nora.

"Mom," Grissom signed when Sara returned. "It is time for your surprise. Sara chose it of course."

Nora took the box wrapped in nondescript pink wrapping paper. With a classical look of Grissom skepticism she unwrapped the package and slowly lifted the lid of the white box underneath. She pushed back the tissue paper to reveal a tiny cloth bib bearing the words, "_**If you think I'm cute, you should see my grandma."**_

Nora studied the bib then lifted tear glazed eyes to meet the excited gazes of Sara and Grissom. "A baby!" she signed. "You are going to have a baby!"

Sara smiled broadly and nodded, "This winter," she said with a tear falling from her eye.

Nora reached out for her son and hugged him. When she pulled back she signed something so quickly Sara couldn't quite catch it. "I haven't been a baby for a long time," Grissom replied before Nora turned to Sara.

"How are you feeling honey?" Nora asked. "How's the morning sickness?"

"It's not that bad," Sara replied. "If I avoid certain foods and get plenty of rest I can manage. Gil takes excellent care of both of us," Sara's hand moved protectively over her abdomen.

Nora's face dropped at the comment but she quickly filed her concern for later. "Have you though about any names? Do you know if you want to find out the sex?"

Sara's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Nora was signing so quickly Sara could not effectively translate. Grissom laughed softly and interceded, "Mom, slow down. We can't make out what you are saying."

"I'm sorry," Nora said. "I am just so excited." She took a deep breath and began again. "Have you thought of any names?"

"No," Sara replied. "We really haven't had a chance to discuss things like that yet."

Nor seemed upset by that, "When I was pregnant with Gilbert that was all his father and I could talk about."

"Well…I…" Sara began. "I've been really tired after work and Gil sometimes has to work later than…"

Grissom sensed that Sara was uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken. He knew she didn't want his mother to know how terrified she had been of telling him she was expecting or her reasons for feeling that way. Grissom had also told Sara to keep his accident quiet. He quickly jumped in to rescue her. "Sara and I were both concerned with how we were going to break the news to our friends and our bosses. Now everyone knows so we can focus on other details."

"How did your boss, that Eelie, Enlie…" Nora began.

"Ecklie?" Sara fingerspelled. "He was his usual self but the sheriff is in our corner so it won't be so bad."

"Wonderful," Nora replied. "And so was this meal, really sweetheart."

Nora's voice was beginning to sound as if it was drifting away to Sara. She felt her body go tense of its own volition. The room seemed to become stifling hot for no apparent reason. Shakily, Sara raised a trembling hand to her forehead in an attempt to steady herself as the room lurched around her.

Grissom noticed Sara had fallen silent and was on his feet moving to her side before she uttered his name in a soft, weak whisper. "Gil?"

Grissom knelt beside her and rubbed his hands up and down her arms, "I'm here, honey. What it is?"

"I don't feel very well," she confessed. "I feel hot and dizzy." She took a shaky breath, "Ow…"

"Gilbert?" Nora spoke her son's name, as he was not facing her. "Sara. Are you all right?"

"My stomach hurts a little," Sara replied not capable of thinking that her mother-in-law could not hear her whispered words or read her lips in her current position.

"Okay," Grissom said, outwardly calm though he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. "Let's get you to the hospital."

"No!" Sara protested. "It'll pass. It barely hurts at all. I'm just overtired. Please Gil, no hospital. Please."

Grissom chose not to fight her. The idea of going to the hospital was making her even more upset than she should be getting given she was already feeling sick. "Okay, no hospital but you go to rest right now and you let me have Al come by and take a look at you. If he says that we need to go to the hospital…"

"It'll pass," Sara said again. "Catherine said…"

"Gilbert James Grissom!" Nora said loudly from her position behind Grissom. She wanted to know what was going on and could not get a good enough look at their lips to read them.

"Mom," Grissom replied turning so she could see both his hands and his mouth. "Sara isn't feeling well. Please help me convince her she needs to be seen by a doctor."

"Sara," Nora intervened, her voice holding the full maternal edge needed to get even Grissom to comply with her wishes.

"All right," Sara capitulated. "I don't want both of you worrying. You can call Al, Gil."

"I will," Grissom said softly. "Mom, will you please help Sara lie down in our room while I call Dr. Robbins."

"Gilbert, if I remember correctly, isn't Dr. Robbins a pathologist?" Nora asked.

"Yes, but he was an internist for years before he switched to pathology," Grissom replied. "I know that he's all she'll agree too and he's better than no one at all."

Sara didn't argue with Grissom's request and allowed Nora to accompany her to the bedroom. About an hour later, Dr. Robbins arrived. Sara told him about the dizzy spell she had experienced and about the pains in her stomach. "It was just a small cramp, the dizzy spell was worse," she said. "Now I feel fine, just tired as always."

"Sara," Dr. Robbins sighed. "I'm not now nor have I ever been an OB but you aren't bleeding and the cramps have passed. When is you next appointment?"

"Our first ultrasound is on Tuesday," Sara answered.

"If this happens again I would go and be examined at the hospital just to be sure, if not I would advise rest until Tuesday," Al instructed. "Gil, see that she takes it easy and tells the doctor what happened tonight."

Grissom slid off the bed where he'd been sitting holding Sara's hand. "I will, Al," he replied as he walked the older man toward the front door. He offered his hand for Dr. Robbins to shake, "Thanks for coming out to see her. I appreciate it."

"My pleasure," said Dr. Robbins. "I'm a bit concerned by how tired she says she is, but it is more common than you may think for woman, especially small ones like Sara to cramp as the uterus expands to accommodate for the growing fetus."

"Scientifically I know all of that, Al, but…" Grissom began.

"All reason leaves your head when you are wearing your husband hat," Dr. Robbins finished. "I have been there myself. I am concerned about her Gil. I know very well of Sara's insomnia if that is not dealt with the stress of the pregnancy may cause her more serious health problems, and it will most certainly cause her difficulties on the job."

"I have been writing a list of questions for her doctor's visit," Grissom told Al. "I'll add your concerns about the insomnia to it."

Dr. Robbins left and Grissom returned to Sara's side. "I'm going to help you get changed then I want you to rest. You are exhausted, honey."

"I'm feeling better, Gil," Sara insisted. "Really. I can get up and…"

Sara began to sit up but Grissom held her down with a gentle hand, "You will do no such thing. Al told you to rest and you are going to do just that."

"Your mom is only going to be here three days," Sara sighed.

"We will both spend plenty of time with Mom, I promise, sweetheart," Grissom said softly. He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Sara's lips. "Get your pajamas on and rest. I'm going to find my mother and fill her in on how you are, she was worried about you. I'll be in to join you in a little bit."

Sara nodded and smiled softly as she watched Grissom leave their bedroom in search of his mother.

**In the next installment of Mountains: Grissom shares some concerns about his impending fatherhood with Nora. Nora confronts Sara about her plans for the future.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Once again special thanks to Giwu for betaing this story for me. **

**A/N 2: There is an inconsistency between the character background research I did on Grissom's childhood and a conversation he had with Catherine in the season 6 episode Still Life. The character profile says Grissom's parents divorced when he was young, and in the episode Still Life he tells Catherine about his father dying when he was nine. I choose for the purpose of this story to go with the story he told in the episode as it fits better with the overall theme of the story.**

**As always please read and review.**

**Chapter 13**

Nora Grissom was in the kitchen fixing herself a cup of tea with Bruno watching her every move. Grissom patted his dog on the head as he entered the room then gently touched his mother's shoulder to gain her attention. "Is Sara all right?" she asked.

"I'm not sure, mom," Grissom admitted. "She said the pain and dizziness have passed and Dr. Robbins said as long as she rests she'll be fine at least until our doctor's appointment on Tuesday."

"You look tired yourself, Gil," Nora observed. "You need your rest too. Have you been lying awake nights?"

Grissom formed a wry smile, "I work nights, mom."

"You know what I mean, Gilbert," Nora replied. "What's on your mind?"

"What isn't," Grissom sighed and followed his mother to the living room. "I'm trying, you know, for Sara's sake. I really am but even when the baby was just a desire of hers I…"

"A desire of hers," Nora echoed. "You didn't want to have a baby with your Sara? The woman you love and have loved for so long?"

"It's not that," Grissom replied. "Now that Sara is pregnant I'm happy about that, I am, but when she first came to me and wanted to try a planned pregnancy I was against it."

"Can you give me one adequate reason why?" Nora asked. "Tell me about this, Gilbert."

"A few months ago, Sara and I were at a mall we go to every so often and I saw her window shopping," Grissom began signing and speaking his recount of the night for his mother. "Later after pressing her to talk about where her mind was all weekend she told me she wanted us to have a baby."

"And I take it you didn't shared this desire," replied Nora.

"At that point I didn't know if I did or I didn't, I was caught so off guard," Grissom sighed. "I never thought Sara would want a family and I certainly never thought I'd be a father, not at my age."

"Men have become fathers even later in life," Nora said as she sipped her tea.

"That's what Sara said, too," Grissom smiled. "I told her I would think about it and I did off and on in-between cases and all. I decided that a baby probably would not be the best thing for Sara and me at this stage in our lives."

"Obviously you didn't share that with Sara," Nora laughed.

"I did," Grissom corrected. "I told her that I didn't want a family."

"So," Nora said curious.

"By the time I told her she was already five weeks along," Grissom replied. "She was upset when I told her I didn't want a baby, but she accepted it. She was terrified of telling me after she found out the decision was for the most part…"

"Out of your hands," Nora finished and Grissom nodded.

Nora smiled broadly, "Good. I'm glad the matter was taken beyond your control. Now Gilbert James, do tell me why you decided to choose not to give me a grandchild to spoil."

"Mom, surely you of all people know my age. I'm 51 years old. That means I'd only be a few years younger than you are now when our son or daughter is ready to go to college and that is if I…I enjoy the health you have enjoyed. I…I remember very little about…" Grissom paused; this subject had always been difficult for both of them. He took a deep breath and began again. "I remember very little about what life was like for us before…before Dad died, but I do remember life after and I know that if Sara's love for me is even a fraction of what yours was for dad it would be very hard for her to go on if something happened to me and harder still for the child left behind."

"Gil, I know," Nora replied softly using her voice as well as he hands. "That my weakness after losing your father so suddenly put a heavy burden on your shoulders I…and wrongly so, forced you to be the adult and deal with the results of his loss. You were only nine years old…that was one of my biggest failures as your mother. But Sara, your beautiful and strong Sara…that is not a mistake she would make."

"What…" Grissom began. "What did he die of mom? You never told me and now that I'm going to be a father I'd like to know what it was."

"It was a heart attack, Gil," Nora replied. "He'd had a bad heart for years and the heat that day…"

Grissom merely nodded, "There's something else too, mom," he confessed. "I'm uh…I'm kind of scared. Really scared…I don't know if I'm even the husband Sara needs most of the time and I am terrified I won't be the father the baby needs and deserves."

"Being a parent," Nora replied. "Is hard work. You will make mistakes, many, some much bigger than others. All I can advise is to take things as they come, to decide carefully and most of all decide with your heart, not your head, what is right."

"I don't know if I know how to do that," Grissom admitted.

"You'll learn, just as you learned to do that as a husband," Sara said softly from behind him.

Grissom sat up straighter at her voice then quickly rose with his cheeks tinged red. "You are supposed to be in bed," he scolded gently.

"You said you'd be in soon," Sara replied. "You were gone a long time. I thought you fell asleep in the study. I didn't mean to eavesdrop."

"It's all right, honey," Grissom assured her. "Go on back to bed. I'll be in right away."

"Okay," Sara agreed then turned to go back to bed.

"I should turn in as well," said Nora. "This has been a busy day." She reached up and put her arms around Grissom. He returned the embrace. Once Nora stepped back she offered him a tender smile and signed, "I love you," before retiring to her room.

Grissom checked the locks on the doors and fed Bruno before joining Sara in the bedroom. She was lying down, but he could feel her eyes on him as he moved about the bedroom.

"How are you feeling?" Grissom asked, climbing into bed and taking her into his arms.

"Better," Sara replied. "There isn't any more pain but I'm still feeling a bit weak."

"I don't want you to spend too much time up and about until you see the doctor on Tuesday," Grissom whispered. "You scared me today, sweetheart."

"I didn't mean to," Sara whispered. "Gil?"

"Yes, honey?" Grissom replied brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"I heard what you told your mom about being scared about becoming a father," Sara murmured rubbing her fingertips across his left hand. "And I heard what you said about not being the husband I need. Did I…Did I ever make you feel like that?"

"It wasn't any one thing," Grissom said softly. "But sometimes when I watch you toss and turn in a nightmare crying out for help, sometimes even for me I feel like I'm of no use to you, like I should be able to protect your from the pain and I can't. I want to protect you from everything that has happened to you and I can't. It's going to be my job to keep this little baby," he gently laid his hand on her abdomen, "safe from everything you lived through and from everything we see on our jobs and I don't know if I can do that. I've failed a lot in my life, I don't' want to fail at that."

"You won't," Sara assured him. "You'll provide our baby with food, clothing, shelter, and even more important, the love, guidance, and strength he or she will need to become a strong person, a good person, like you are."

"You trust me in this, with the health, safety and proper raising of our child, but you still tremble the moment you think you may have made me angry," Grissom continued. "That, Sara that really makes me feel…I don't even know how to put it into words exactly. I suppose it is hard to feel adequate and to be sure you are meeting the needs of your partner when she's scared of you. God knows I've tried to reassure you."

"Old habits die hard," Sara sighed. "I'm so used to having to jump through hoops, of having to be careful not to anger anyone…I know I'm safe if I'm careful."

"Sara you know I'd…" he began but was interrupted by the shrill ring of the telephone. Grissom reached out to take the call, "Grissom."

Sara watched as Grissom listened to the caller. She saw his eyes narrow, his jaw lock, and felt his body tense. After a few moments, he sighed, "I'll be right there."

"What?" she asked as Grissom began to dress.

"We've got another signature vic," he replied. "Eight miles from the latest one. He's fanning out, moving away from his comfort zone. I have to go."

"I'll…" she began. "I won't wait up. Be careful," she bid as he leaned down to kiss her cheek.

"Always," he replied as he turned to leave.

"Gil!" Sara called out just before he left her line of vision.

Grissom turned around and raised one eyebrow at her in question, "Yes, honey?"

"I love you," Sara said just loud enough for him to hear her.

Grissom smiled at her, "Me too," he replied and left their room.

Sara woke hours later and pulled her robe on over her pajamas. She padded out to the kitchen calling softly, "Gil? Are you home?"

Silence was her only reply. When Sara reached the kitchen she saw Nora busy brewing herself a cup of tea. Sara moved to stand before her, "Good morning," she greeted. "Did you sleep well?"

"I was excited last night," Nora admitted. 'It took a bit of time for me to fall asleep."

"I'm sorry," Sara said sympathetically. "I hope you rest easier tonight. Would you care for some breakfast? I can get you almost anything as long as it doesn't have fruit in it. Fruit doesn't agree with my morning sickness."

Nora smiled, "When I was carrying Gil I could not stand the aroma of French fries or cooking onions. I would love a dish of oatmeal."

Nora took a seat in the living room with her tea delete cup and the morning newspaper.

Sara busied herself preparing the oatmeal. As soon as she set the water to boil the phone rang. "Hello," Sara said lifting the handset.

"Hi, honey," Grissom said over the line. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I was awake. You've been gone a long time. Is everything all right?" Sara asked.

"Yeah, but I can't find the files on the last three victims, the ones we had flagged for the fertility drugs," Grissom told her. "Do you have them at home? I think I left them in my study on the file cabinet."

Sara laughed and carried the portable phone to Grissom's study "Sure enough," she laughed. "You would forget your head if it wasn't attached."

For the next few minutes Sara dictated the relevant information to Grissom. Once he had what he needed, they said their goodbyes, and Sara began to research the medications they found in the toxicology results of four of the seven victims. She was concentrating deeply when her thoughts were interrupted by the shrill sound of the smoke detector.

Quickly Sara ran to the kitchen where she found Nora extinguishing the small flame in the oatmeal pot with a towel. "How did…" Sara began to sign.

"I could smell it," Nora replied. "Burning metal has a potent stench."

"I am so sorry, Nora," Sara apologized. "I'll have this cleaned up in a minute."

With Nora's help Sara scrubbed the scorched pot clean and got their breakfast together.

The two Mrs. Grissoms ate quietly until Nora spoke. "I suppose Gil had to go to work."

"Yes," Sara replied using this chance to practice her sign language though she spoke at the same time. "We have a very hard case on our hands right now. In fact, I was looking over some of our notes and forgot about the water boiling."

"You are very dedicated," Nora replied. "I suppose it will be hard to give up once the baby comes."

"Perhaps," Sara agreed. 'But I'll probably be so busy learning my duties as a mother the three months will fly."

"Three months," Nora asked. "You plan to go back to work once the baby is born?"

"Of course I do," Sara answered as if anything else would be simply ridiculous. "The department allows four weeks prior and twelve weeks post. I never even thought of not returning to work after the baby."

"Can I ask what you plan to do about the baby while you work?" Nora queried.

"We haven't talked about any of that," Sara replied. "I'm sure Gil…"

"Sara you cannot expect Gil to give up his career and all that he's worked for because you want to keep your career," Nora said emphatically. "He worked long and hard to earn his degrees, to earn the respect of men twice as old and twice as experienced as he was."

"I know that," Sara insisted. "Gil will…"

"You know," Nora continued. "My son would do anything for you, make any sacrifice. You are about to become a parent, Sara, a mother…that is not an easy job."

"I never expected it would be," Sara interjected.

"Good, because I can promise you that raising this child will be the hardest task you have ever undertaken and while I'm very fond of you Sara, after seeing the home you have made for Gil, I have very serious concerns about your ability to be a good parent," Nora stated. "Look at what happened only today, you were completely preoccupied with your work. What if that happens again only this time you leave a three month old baby alone in a bathtub or a toddler near a hot stove?"

Sara's eyes were beginning to cloud over with tears, "I would never do that!" she said forcefully.

"That's what everyone says, dear," Nora replied. "The baby inside of you is my grandchild and that baby's father, my child. Both are your responsibility now and both need better care and more attention than you are able to give and continue working the hours that you work. Have you seen Gil lately, Sara? He's exhausted, completely exhausted."

"I know that…It's…He…I am a good wife to Gil," Sara argued finally finding her voice again. "And I will be a good mother to our baby. You may have chosen to stop working when you had Gil, or maybe for you, when he was a boy it wasn't a choice, but it is a choice now and it is mine, mine and Gil's to make. You may be Gil's mother and this child's grandmother and I will always respect you as such, but this is going to be _our_ family."

"All I'm trying to do is prepare…" Nora defended.

"And I appreciate it," Sara replied. "We will probably never agree about working parents or the proper way to raise a child, so let's just agree that Gil and I will talk about our decisions and make them together as a couple and if we ever need your help let us, come to you. I know we will."

Nora awkwardly rose from her seat, "I didn't mean to upset you, Sara. I love you and I love my son and to see him so tired, it worries me."

"It's not my fault he's tired," Sara sighed. "He's working a serial case right now. It's work."

"And what does he do after work?" Nora asked. "Does he come home to a warm meal and rest or does he come home and do housework and grocery shopping? Things his wife should be doing."

Sara didn't answer, just sheepishly studied her hands. "I'll try to do better," she murmured looking up so Nora could see her lips.

Nora smiled softly, "I know you will, dear."

On that final note Nora closed the physical gap between herself and her daughter-in-law and gave Sara a strong hug. "Please forgive my harshness. I'm going to rest for awhile to give you a chance to think." She stepped back, "When do you expect Gil?"

"I'm not sure," Sara replied. "Soon I hope."

"Let me know," Nora requested. "I want to take you both to dinner tonight to celebrate is you'd like."

"I'm sure we'll both love it," Sara replied with a smile.

Nora flashed a bright smile then turned to head to the guest room for a nap


	14. Chapter 14

A/n: Once again a huge thanks to Giwu for the excellent beta job and thanks to all of those who have been reviewing. I love to hear from you and I'd love to hear from more of you. Let's try to hit ten reviews this time…I'm not saying I won't update until we have 10 but the update will come faster if I hit ten. Happy reading.

**Chapter 14**

Grissom arrived home around lunchtime, tired and weary. He pushed the door opened and called out to Sara, "Honey, I'm home!"

"I'm in the kitchen," she replied and wiped her hands on the towel that hung on the refrigerator door.

Grissom came into the room stepping over Bruno as he slept in the large dog bed Sara had bought for him. He found Sara setting a plate on the table containing a turkey sandwich, a few baked potato chips, and a pickle.

"Craving meat?" Grissom asked when he saw the lunch Sara had prepared.

"No, I had lunch," Sara replied. "I made this so you could eat as soon as you got home. I know you probably skipped breakfast."

"I did," Grissom admitted placing his field kit in its usual place before sitting down. "Thank you for lunch, but you are supposed to be resting and taking it easy. Remember?"

"I do, but I had a full night's rest. You've been working for the last 12 hours," Sara reminded him.

"I'm not pregnant," Grissom countered taking a bit of his sandwich.

"No, but you are tired," Sara sighed. "That's my fault. I'm sorry."

"Sara, my being tired has nothing to do with you," Grissom said. "This serial case is what's got me up literally night and day. You've been sleeping much easier since the baby."

"I know, but you've been picking up a lot of my chores around here lately," Sara said putting the butter knife she used on the sandwich in the dishwasher.

"Your body is still adjusting to your condition," Grissom pointed out. "You are sleeping for two. I don't mind picking up some of the slack."

Sara set a bottle of water next to Grissom's plate, "So you agree there is slack."

Grissom opened the bottle and took a sip, "Not much of one," he comforted. "It's all right. It's what is best for you and the baby."

"What about what's best for you?" Sara asked.

"Nothing means more to me that your health and the baby's well being," Grissom answered taking another long sip of his water. "Can you get my Naproxen please, honey?" he asked.

"Back or knees," Sara asked getting the medicine bottle out of the cabinet.

"Both," Grissom replied. "I would be eternally grateful if criminals would start killing people on tables."

"Poor baby," Sara sympathized. "How about a warm bath after you finish your lunch?"

"Maybe," Grissom replied. "I might just try for a nap, though. I assume that's where mom is?"

Sara nodded, "Oh, she said she wanted to take you and I out for dinner tonight. Are you up to it?"

"Sure," Grissom replied then let out a long sigh. He pulled his glasses off his face and squeezed the bridge of his nose. "God, Sara, this case…It's the worst one I've ever worked. There is literally no evidence, not on the victims and not at the crime scenes."

"What about the fertility drugs?" Sara asked. "It was the same drug in four out of the seven vics. I looked it up earlier, it's called Clomid and it's used to promote ovulation in women with ovarian deficiencies mainly polycystic ovarian syndrome and endometriosis."'

"Brass put in a request for medical records. The drug links the victims but until we get those records that's all that links them," Grissom sighed. "And anyway, a link does not necessarily yield a suspect and even if we have a suspect with no evidence to link him to the scene that's all he'll ever be!"

Grissom's voice built as he recalled his frustration at another empty crime scene. Sara placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and instructed calmly, "Breathe. Calm down and breathe. You know getting yourself upset doesn't do anything but raise your pulse, your blood pressure, and give you a migraine. It doesn't solve the case any faster."

Grissom reached his hand up to squeeze the one Sara placed on his shoulder, "I know, honey. It's just… I see myself in the eyes of the victim's family members, in the eyes of the husbands who left in the morning, leaving a woman behind that loves him and whom he loves back and he returns to a horror unimaginable to most. I see my love for you in their eyes."

Sara slid her arm around Grissom's neck and sat gently on his lap. "I love you so much, Gil," Sara murmured placing a soft kiss on his temple. "And I know that somehow, some way you will find the person murdering those women and you will see he is brought to justice."

"Sometimes you have more faith in me than I have in myself," Grissom sighed. "I love you, too."

"Why don't you go and get some rest," Sara suggested. "I have some things I need to do around here."

"I'd love it if you would join me for that nap," Grissom said as Sara slid off his lap. He rose from the table, "You promised Al and me you were going to rest until your appointment."

"I'll join you after a while," Sara told him. "Go on."

Grissom let it go for the moment and went to take a shower before his nap. Sara heard him turn the water on in the master bathroom and hurried to turn down his side of the bed. She laid out his favorite pair of sleeping shorts, and closed the curtains to block out the harsh Nevada sunlight before settling herself at the computer with their check book and bills.

When Grissom stepped out of the shower he was surprised to see the bed undone and his pajamas laid out. Usually he and Sara looked after their own bedtime needs. It had always worked very well. This new behavior was odd and according to his research about 6 weeks sooner then it should have been. Wearily Grissom changed his clothes and slid into bed. Just before sleep claimed him he made a mental note to bring this change in moods up with Sara later that night. It wasn't that he minded the change exactly, only that he felt unsettled by it.

Four hours later Grissom was awakened by Sara's sweet scent and soft lips against his cheek. "Time to wake up, Gil," Sara whispered as his eyelids fluttered open.

Grissom smiled sleepily, "Hi, beautiful."

"Beautiful?" Sara sighed. "You're never this nice to me when you first wake up."

"Of course I am," Grissom argued. "I'm always nice to you."

"Not when you first wake up you aren't," Sara countered. "Usually you grumble and gripe until you have a shower and cup of coffee."

Grissom stretched, "That's because you usually pull my covers off or elbow me in the ribs and say, 'Gil, I'm not kidding, get your ass out of bed. We're going to be late!'"

Sara's eyes misted over at Grissom's teasing, "I'm sorry…I know I'm…I'll do better. I promise."

A few tears made their way down Sara's cheeks. She pushed them away impatiently, "Your mom had me make reservations at the Mirage. I laid out your court suit."

Grissom smiled, "Sara, honey…" He began pulling her closer to him so her face was only inches over his own. He wanted to speak to he gently about the changes in her behavior, but was interrupted when their bedroom door was pushed opened and Nora Grissom spoke from the doorway.

"Sara, Gilbert, we are going to be late," she said.

Grissom nudged Sara, his face turning beet red with embarrassment. "Honey, move."

Sara did as he asked moving quickly to the side so Grissom's hand fell into his mother's line of vision. "Mom," Grissom signed with great emphasis. "You cannot simply walk into our bedroom like that, especially not when Sara and I are in here together. This is our bedroom! What are you thinking?!"

"I am thinking that I raised my son to speak to me with respect," Nora replied. "I would not have heard you acknowledge me if I had knocked, anyway. Now, move along. We are running late."

"I understand," Grissom replied. "We'll talk about his later."

Nora left closing the door behind her. Grissom sat up in bed and slid out of it. He turned his head to find Sara fighting back laughter, "I'm glad you find this funny."

"She had a point, Gil," Sara pointed out. "And you looked so darn cute blushing like that."

Grissom rose from their bed and let out a small groan, "I am getting too old to spend hours on my hands and knees."

"No," Sara replied. "You're still healing from that bad fall you took and you've been overdoing it around her. We'll make it an early night and I'll take care of you when we get home."

"I'll be okay, honey," Grissom assured her and went into their bathroom to get dressed.

The first half of their meal went smoothly. Grissom and Sara kept Nora entertained with anecdotes about some of their lighter crime scenes from the area. Once the meal came though they felt less gory topics would be best.

Sara began to eat her meal, a plate of steamed vegetables and seasoned rice. Grissom enjoyed his choice of stuffed chicken breast and potatoes, as did Nora her seafood platter though she seemed more interested in Sara's meal than in her own.

"Sara," she said after a few minutes. "I hope you consider expanding your diet as you get farther along in your pregnancy. Even while pregnant there are needs you have to attend to, duties you have as a wife, and you'll need the strength from a proper diet to carry them out."

"Mom," Grissom interjected. "Sara needs to concentrate on her health and our baby's health, any other "duty" she had I can handle."

"I certainly hope not, dear," Nora signed after she wiped her mouth with the edge of her napkin.

"I lived on my own a long time, mom," Grissom reminded her. "I am more than capable of keeping up with the daily duties around the house."

"Oh sure," Nora agreed. "But I was not referring to dusting or vacuuming, I know Sara," Nora cast her daughter-in-law a pointed look, "Can manage that. No, Gilbert, I was speaking in concern for your more personal needs."

Nora's comment was lost on Grissom, though not on Sara. "My personal needs? I've been seeing to those myself even longer than…"

Sara reached over and pushed at Grissom's hand to prevent him from embarrassing himself, "Let it go, Gil," Sara murmured biting her lip hard before not so casually changed the subject to Grissom's childhood.

By the end of the evening Nora had gotten in several more points about the duties and responsibilities of a good wife and about how much her son deserved to have one. Many of Nora's comments were lost on her son but very clear to her daughter-in-law.

When they reached home it was al Sara could do to remain upright. She felt tired but still she dug deep to find the energy to keep going.

Nora said goodnight to Grissom and Sara after a cup of tea at the kitchen table. Once she had headed for bed Grissom undid his tie and suggested, "Why don't you take a warm bath and unwind. I have some bills to pay."

"I paid them," Sara said as she began rinsing the tea cups.

"You paid them? When?" Grissom asked.

"While you were napping," Sara replied.

"Okay, great," Grissom said. "All I need to do then is balance the checkbook."

"It's balanced," Sara told him. "You lost the eleven cents because of your chicken scratch."

Grissom gave a light laugh, "Thank you, honey. I'll get some laundry…"

Sara cut him off. "I finished the laundry and cleaned out the refrigerator," she informed him. "There is nothing left for you to do except sit back and relax."

"Sara," Grissom began softly. "Did you hear Al when he was here yesterday? He said you were to rest. "Did you hear me when I asked you not to do too much until our appointment?"

"I heard you sweetheart," Sara said. "But I also heard you were tired and sore from working on your day off from work. You've been doing so much extra work since I got pregnant."

"I don't mind, honey," Grissom assured her. "We both work hard, we both contribute to the housework, and after the baby is born it will be even more important to split things up and find a balance so no one is doing too much."

Sara smiled and kissed Grissom lightly on the chin, "I love you. We can talk about the rest of this later."

Grissom slid his arms around Sara's waist and pulled her close. She laid her head against his chest and rubbed her cheek against the soft fabric. Grissom tilted his head slightly and brushed Sara's forehead with his lips. "You are so beautiful," he whispered. Caressing her back by moving his hands slowly up and down over the fabric of her dress.

"No," Sara sighed. "No, I'm not. I'm…"

"My angel," Grissom whispered placing a soft kiss behind Sara's ear. "My everything. I don't know how I lived as long as I did without you in my arms."

Sara felt her eyes well up with tears at Grissom's tender words. She pulled back to meet his eyes and smiled at him. Grissom took his thumb and slowly traced the outline of her lips before lifting his head and taking her mouth with his.

Sara always loved Grissom's kisses. They were always soft and gentle, never demanding or overpowering. Even though he took command of their sexual activities, he never demanded anything from her and always gave just as much as he was given. Grissom's kiss became more intense the longer he stood with his wife in his arms. He slid his hands from her back to her hips, "Your hips are filling out," Grissom murmured. "You'll be even more beautiful as your body rounds out."

Sara gave a small laugh, "Until I get so fat you are disgusted by the site of me." She was only half joking.

"No," Grissom said softly lifting his hands to cup Sara's face. "It was once said that there is nothing more attractive to a man than the site of his wife round with his baby inside of her."

"You believe that?" Sara asked, sliding her hands to cup Grissom's buttocks.

"I'm not sure," Grissom replied. "I haven't seen you that way since you found out about the baby. What I do know is that fat or thin, tall or short, old or young there is no woman more beautiful to this man than you, Mrs. Sara Grissom."

Sara smiled softly, "You do know how to sweet talk a girl, don't you, Dr. Grissom?"

Grissom gave Sara another light peck on the lips. "I had a good teacher," Grissom replied, his hands resuming their exploration of Sara's body. He worked his hands up her arms back to her slender shoulders. "When we're together like this, it is easy to forget everything else and just live in the moment with you close to me, safe, warm…"

"Loved," Sara finished. "Even at the lowest points in our relationship I never doubted that you loved me, only that you would show me."

Grissom pulled Sara closer, "How am I doing now?" he asked.

"Very, very well," Sara smiled and began to pull back out of Grissom's arms. "You should get some rest. I can rub some peppermint oil on your back and knees if you like."

"You know, honey, that was not what I had in mind for the rest of the evening," Grissom said with a grin.

"And what did you have in mind, Gil?" Sara asked in a hushed whisper.

"An experiment, my love," Grissom replied. "To test the theory that the sight of your wife carrying your child is a very precious, beautiful sight for a husband. And then, once I prove it to you, I'll show you just how beautiful you are."

Sara blushed, "But your mother…" Sara began.

"Is deaf," Grissom finished. "And our bedroom door locks."

Sara laughed, a deep sexy laugh, "Ah, then I suggest you and I relocate to the bedroom with the locking door."

"I think, Mrs. Grissom," Grissom said stooping slightly to lift Sara into his arms.

"Gil!" Sara protested. "Put me down. I'm too heavy for you."

"Ssh," he whispered. "I know what I can handle," Grissom assured her before he slowly carried her to the privacy of the bedroom.

Grissom set Sara on her feet in the center of the room and quickly shed his clothing until he was clad in nothing but his boxer shorts. Sara smiled watching as Grissom exposed his body to her, bit by bit. He closed the gap between their bodies as Sara whispered, her voice husky, "I have a feeling I'm overdressed."

Sara reached down for the hem of her dress the same light cotton one she'd worn the night she had told Grissom about their baby in the desert. As she started to pull the material over her head, Grissom spoke, "No," he said softly. "Let me. Please."

Sara honored his request and let the material drop from her hands. Grissom began slowly, simply pulling her to his chest and holding her close for a few minutes, his strong fingers running through her hair. Next he placed a tender kiss on Sara's forehead. Sara closed her eyes and let a small sigh escape her lips. Grissom took advantage of that and placed feather light kisses on her eyelids, one on each.

"I like that, Gil," Sara told him softly sliding her hands up his bare chest and over his shoulders.

"You like it when I kiss your eyelids?" he confirmed.

"No, I like it when you spend time on me, and go slow. It makes me feel beautiful," Sara confessed.

"You are beautiful," Grissom whispered repeating the actions he'd just performed on her eyelids then continued down her face placing soft kisses on her nose, her chin and finally her lips.

Sara opened her mouth slightly when she felt Grissom's lips on hers, a silent invitation for him to taste the inner recesses of her mouth. Grissom gladly accepted, sliding his tongue in to mate with hers. They continued to kiss and nibble at each other while Grissom slid his hands down Saran's frame until her could grasp the hem of her dress. He pulled the garment up and over Sara's head leaving her in just her bra and…his underwear?

Sara dipped her head to place her lips at the hollow of Grissom's throat, a favorite spot of his only instead of his usual moan of pleasure she was rewarded with only laughter for her efforts.

"Gil?" Sara asked. "I…What is so..." She began to ask them remembered her earlier battle to find underpants that fit comfortably. She had ended up settling on a pair of Gil's boxers with safety pins to hold the waist up, a novelty pair she'd bought him for Christmas sporting television and films famous cowboys…including Roy Rogers and Trigger. They had been so comfortable she did not remember until that moment.

Grissom held his breath to try to stifle his laughter unsure if Sara would find this funny or not. "I'm sorry, honey," he choked out. "I just didn't expect to see you wearing those."

"They are so comfortable I forgot I was," Sara confessed laughing a bit at herself. "All of mine are snug. The elastic…"

Grissom nodded then with a grin returned to the task at hand. With one quick move he unclasped the safety pin at the waist causing the boxers to fall to the floor revealing Sara's lower body to Grissom's glance.

Grissom stepped back a bit and took in the vision before him. Sara's flat stomach appeared so at first and Grissom was disappointed by that. It was only after he examined her a second time, more closely that he was able to detect the slight appearance of baby bulge over her pelvis. Her hips as he'd felt through her dress were becoming rounder, more feminine, just as he waist was taking on a deeper curve.

Sara began to feel self conscious under his scrutiny and blushed, "Take your bra off," Grissom told her from his place a few feet back "I want to see all of you."

Sara obeyed his whispered command and unclasped the hooks on her bra. She gave each of the straps a push and sent the final article of her clothing to the floor. Again Grissom's gaze scanned Sara's body and with a smile and moved closer and took her in his arms. He reached out to lightly fondle one of her breasts. "Do they still hurt you, baby?" he asked.

"Just a little," Sara whispered. 'That…feels nice."

"I'm glad," Grissom replied, place a few light kisses on Sara's lips as he continued to stroke her breasts lightly increasing the pressure little by little until Sara emitted a soft moan. Sara slid her hands up and down Grissom's sides, over his firm posterior and finally snaked on hand around to his front. She wiggled her hand so it slid down the elastic of his short to brush his penis. To her delight she found the flesh hard and warm, read to please her and receive its own pleasure.

Grissom moaned against her lips and pressed himself closer to her until her hand wrapped around his erection. With his knee he softly pushed at Sara's legs until she slowly began stepping backwards. Her body and mind were exhausted but her heart and her soul needed her husband. Grissom followed Sara's steps, occasionally using his leg to gently push her along, his hands and lips never breaking contact with her flesh.

"Lie down, my love," Grissom urged backing her up until her knees touched the edge of the mattress.

Gracefully Sara bent her knees and sat down on the mattress. The bed was still unmade from Grissom's nap earlier so all Sara had to do was wiggle between the top and flat sheets. As Sara settled herself on the bed, Grissom used the time to shed his boxers.

Slowly, Grissom slid into bed beside Sara and studied her long smooth frame as he lay propped on one elbow. He reached out his right hand and trailed it slowly down her body. Sara shivered at the gentle touch and whimpered, "Gil, please."

Grissom replied silently adjusting himself until he was on top of Sara's body. He kept some of his weight on his hands so her small body would not have to bear all of his weight. Grissom found Sara's eyes and held her gaze with his own. He leaned down and captured her lips in a gentle kiss while his left hand traveled the familiar journey to her center, his fingers gently combing the curls that rested there, before he used his index finger to press the soft flesh aside to check for moisture.

When Sara felt the roughness of Grissom's finger enter her femininity she moaned softly, "Gil…I need…Oh, God, I'm ready."

"I know you are," Grissom assured her. "I can feel you, all warm and wet. Bend you knees, honey."

Sara pulled her knees up until her feet rested on the mattress Grissom moved over her, settling his frame in the cradle she formed with her legs. Sara lifted her hips in excitement and invitation when she felt Grissom's erection pulsing against her.

"I love you," Grissom whispered as he raised his hips and settled himself into Sara's body.

Sara cried out in pleasure as Grissom's length stretched her and filled her, "I love you," she managed to gasp out as Grissom began to move in a solid steady rhythm. Grissom took Sara's mouth at the same moment he took her body, his way, he told her once, at keeping their encounter about love, not lust.

Moments later Grissom felt Sara's walls tighten around him, bring about his own release. Spent, Grissom placed one last kiss on Sara's lips before pulling out of her and rolling on his back, pulling her close. He rubbed his hand up and down Sara's arm a few times, "Sara?" Grissom asked gently when she failed to cuddle in close as she usually did after love making, "Honey, are you…?"

Grissom's voice trailed off when he caught sight of Sara's face. Her cheeks were flushed, lips pink and swollen from his kisses, and her eyes, her most beautiful feature, were closed in peaceful slumber.

Grissom smiled down at her with tenderness, "Poor tired baby," he whispered placed a tiny kiss on Sara's nose before snuggling next to her and dropping off into his own restful sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Thanks to Giwu for the fabulous and fast beta job on this long chapter. Thanks to my readers for being patient, this chapter was planned from the beginning, but it took a bit longer to execute than I thought. Please read, review, and enjoy.

**Chapter 15**

Grissom awoke in the morning and automatically reached for Sara. Instead of her warm body he found only cool sheets. He stretched and slid out of bed. He rummaged in the dresser for a clean pair of boxers and pulled them on followed by his robe, before going in search of his wife.

The smell of strong coffee teased Grissom's nostrils as he approached the kitchen. He took in a long breath and amid the aroma of coffee he detected another scent, one he never smelled at all in the house unless he was the one at the stove. The unusual, but welcomed scent of frying bacon.

Grissom entered the kitchen, half expecting to see his mother at the stove, but she was not. It was indeed Sara. She was wearing her summer robe, her hair was pulled back and up as she stood tending the frying breakfast meat with a fork and dabbing at her eyes with a kitchen towel.

"Good morning," Grissom greeted. "Did you get grease in your eye?"

"No," Sara answered, her voice unusually thick. "Coffee is ready."

"Thanks, baby," Grissom replied. "Is my mom awake?"

Sara dabbed at her eyes again. "She's on the computer," Sara sniffled, her voice hitching on the last word.

Grissom caught the change in Sara's voice and moved closer realizing she was crying. He slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her back against him. "Sara, what's wrong honey? Are you feeling sick?"

She shook her head, "I'm fine."

"You're not fine if you are crying, honey. Come on now, what is it?" Grissom urged.

"I wanted to make you a nice breakfast," she whimpered. "One you like, but…but…" Sara began to cry harder and turned into Grissom's arms to bury her fact in his chest.

"But what?" Grissom asked. "It all looks perfect, sweetie. It was a lovely thought."

Sara only cried harder at Grissom's attempt to calm her. He tried again, "Sara you have to tell me why you're crying. You are worrying me. Are you feeling nauseous or dizzy? Is that…"

"No," Sara sobbed. "No, it's so stupid. I'm so stupid."

Grissom held on even tighter gently rocking Sara as he whispered, "No, honey. No, you're not. Ssh, tell me what's got you so upset."

"The…I only did it for you," Sara whimpered. "Because you like it but…that, that bacon was a pig and…that pig was some…some other pig's baby and…" Sara coughed and snuggled closer to Grissom. "I'm sorry."

Grissom bit the inside of his cheek to avoid laughing because he knew for Sara the crisis was very, very real. "And that made you think about our baby?" he asked.

Sara shook her head, "No, that's why it's stupid. I just thought about the mother pig. I never even…"

"It's okay, Sara," Grissom soothed not knowing what else to say. "Why don't you go and lie down for a little while. I'll finish out here."

Sara pulled back and shook her head, "No, I want to fix your breakfast. You sit down. I'll get your mom and you can eat."

"I'll get mom, honey," Grissom volunteered. "Did you fix any breakfast for yourself?"

"I had some Cheerios," Sara replied. "I'm going to scour the tub and sink in our bathroom while you eat."

"Sara," Grissom sighed. "I don't want you on your hands and knees scouring tiles and inhaling all the chemicals in the cleaner. All I want you to do is rest. I can handle the bathroom."

"No, Gil," Sara protested. "It's my job to…"

Grissom cut her off. "Your only job," he told her gently. "For the next six months is to take care of yourself and our baby." He placed a gentle hand on Sara's abdomen. "Now you go to our room and lie down. I'll eat breakfast with mom then take care of a few things around here."

"But…" Sara tried again.

"No, buts," Grissom countered. "Go back to bed now. Go on."

Sara was too tired to argue anymore so she did as Grissom asked and went back to bed.

Grissom dished out the breakfast Sara prepared and went to get his mom from the study. When he got back to the kitchen he saw Bruno with his nose near the plate of bacon.

"Bruno!" Grissom said firmly. "Get down!" The dog quickly obeyed the command and Grissom followed it an equally sharp, "House!" Bruno whined but obeyed once again and went to his crate.

"Where is Sara?" Nora asked when she arrived in the kitchen.

"She's lying down," Grissom replied. "She got up early to fix breakfast for us."

"Doesn't she do that all the time?" Nora asked taking a bite.

"We usually take turns or I pick up take out," Grissom replied. "A lot depends on who gets home first."

Nora accepted his answer and the pair ate in an easy silence for a few minutes before Grissom spoke, "Mom, when you were pregnant did you cry a lot?"

"It was a long time ago, but I seem to recall being a bit more sensitive than I usually was," Nora answered. "Especially about silly things."

"Good, I feel better. I've been really worried about that." Grissom sighed. "Hey! Wait a minute; it was not **that** long ago!"

"Is Sara teary?" Nora asked, ignoring his reaction to her subtle jab.

"She was hysterical because she thought about the origin of our breakfast," Grissom said smiling at the memory. "I'm so…when she does things like that I don't even fully understand it. It's like everything I know about the human body goes out of my head when it comes to Sara. That's even scarier than the event itself."

"You love your wife, Gilbert," Nora signed. "The head is a powerful tool, very sharp and quick but remember the brain deals with reason, logic, while the heart deals with emotion. When it comes to Sara you have emotions, it is only right your heart outweighs your head."

Grissom acknowledged that with a nod and the talk turned to other topics while they finished eating. Grissom began clearing the table and rinsing plates.

"When do you plan on waking Sara?" Nora asked. "If you leave the plates sit too long the food will dry and stick to them."

"I know, mom," Grissom sighed. "That's why I'm rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher. Sara needs her rest; the pregnancy is very taxing to her body."

"And picking up her chores is hard on yours," Nora sighed.

"Mom, I know you're only looking out for us, for me, but Sara and I really do have things under control," Grissom assured her.

"In my day, a woman's job was to take care of her home and…" Nora was cut off when Sara called out for Grissom.

"I'll be right back, mom," Grissom signed. "Sara needs me."

Grissom went to the bedroom to find Sara halfway between their bathroom and their bedroom dressed in one of her old sweatshirts on her hand and knees. Grissom hurried to her side, "Sara? What's wrong?"

"I had to go to the bathroom and on my way back to bed I got dizzy, I couldn't stand, I…" Sara's voice trailed off as another wave of dizziness hit her thin frame.

"Lean forward," Grissom instructed. "Put your head near your knees and take long, slow breaths. Are you feeling hot again like you were Saturday night or having any pain?"

"No, just lightheaded," Sara replied. "Weak and faint. It'll be all right, just help me up off the floor."

"Stay where you are just a little longer," Grissom said rubbing her back. "Just until this spell passes. Then I'll get you up and into bed where you are going to stay until suppertime."

"But I have to fix…" Sara began but was hit with another wave of dizziness.

"No, buts," Grissom stayed firm. "You need rest, Sara. I'm thinking you may be anemic. You said your doctor told you your counts were low. Please, take it easy until tomorrow. Please."

Defeated Sara slumped against Grissom and let his body support her weight. He slid an arm around her and kissed her temple. "Let's get you in bed. I'll take mom out for a bite of lunch, show her around the lab, and we'll pick up Chinese and a video on the way home? Sound good?"

Sara nodded, "It sounds wonderful. I think I can get up now."

Sara was able to rise to her feet under her own power, but Grissom stood close in case she tumbled again. Sara climbed into bed and snuggled into Grissom's pillow. He brought the covers over her and gave her a light kiss. "Get some rest. I love you," he told her before going back to his mother.

"Is Sara getting up soon?" Nora asked when she saw Grissom return.

"Not until later," he replied. "She's been feeling dizzy and drained today. I think she may be a bit anemic."

"Very possible," Nora agreed. "Add morning sickness to an already iron deficient diet and you have a fine recipe for just that."

"She sees her doctor tomorrow after we take you to the airport," Grissom said. "I'll be sure Sara mentions all of the dizzy spells so the doctor can run the proper tests."

"Good," Nora agreed. "And of course you'll e-mail me all about it and send me a copy of the sonogram photo."

"Will they do a sonogram this early?" Grissom asked.

"Betty Mitchell's daughter had her first one at 10 weeks. Sara is past that, so I'm sure they will do one," Nora said watching Grissom's expression change.

"Wow," he said. "I'm glad I'm going to be there for that. Of course, we'll send you a picture."

Nora leaned over to hug her son, "You better. So, what do you have planned for us today?"

Grissom spent the next hours out and about with his mother showing her around the lab, introducing her to the few people who had been unable to make it to the wedding, and taking her to lunch at one of his favorite restaurants. On the way home Nora insisted on a stop by the baby store so she could pick out a gift for her grandchild. She settled on a soft green blanket she planned to embroider with the Grissom family tree and was going to save it for Sara's baby shower. While he was waiting for his mother to make her selection he found himself making one as well, a small fairly non descript teddy bear with button eyes that stole his heart. He'd surprise Sara with it after the appointment tomorrow.

It was early evening when Grissom and his mom arrived home. The house was dark and Bruno ran to greet Grissom when he entered barking loudly. Grissom pet the dog's head, "You have to go out, big guy?" he asked taking the leash from the hook.

"Mom," Grissom said. "Can you set the plates out for supper, please. I need to walk Bruno. Please don't disturb Sara, I'll wake her when I finish with our canine baby."

Nora did as Grissom asked, setting plates out on the table for their Chinese food and began to pour drinks.

In the bedroom Sara heard activity in the front of the house. She carefully slid out of bed and pulled on her loosest fitting sweatpants. Running a hand through her hair Sara went to the front of the house, "Gil?"

Sara received no answer so she followed the noise to their dining room. Nora saw her and smiled, "Sara, how are you feeling?"

"Better, thank you," Sara answered. "Where's Gil?"

"Walking the dog," Nora replied. "He wanted you off your feet today. You need…"

Sara was thankful when Grissom walked in at that moment. She was not in the mood for another lecture.

"Honey, I see you're up. Feel better?" Grissom asked letting the dog off his leash.

"Yeah and I'm hungry. What did you bring?" Sara asked taking a seat at the table.

The family ate their meal chattering lightly about the tour of Las Vegas Grissom had given his mom. Sara cleaned up after their meal and Grissom set up the DVD player with a movie. Nora's flight was scheduled for early the next morning so after the movie all three Grissom's went to bed early.

Grissom left their bathroom when he finished his shower and snuggled next to Sara in bed. Sara curled against him and laid her head against his chest. "I'm glad you got to have a nice time with your mom today, though I'm sure she'll visit a lot more now that I'm pregnant."

"Oh, probably," Grissom replied. "She's excited. She wants us to send her the ultrasound picture from our appointment tomorrow. Every artist in that gallery will likely see it before the week ends."

"Dr. Ragner said at my last appointment that we'll be able to hear the baby's heart beat," Sara told Grissom running her hand through the hair on his chest.

"Sara, since we'll be there together tomorrow I wanted to ask if we can try to schedule your appointments so I can be with you for all of them," Grissom said. "I know why you went alone before but…"

"Of course we can schedule them like that," Sara said quickly. "I want you there with me and I need you there. This…this having a child is so beautiful, but it is scary, too."

"Yes," Grissom agreed. "It is scary but we're in this together from the first heartbeat to the first breath, to the first smile…All of the firsts our little one will go through you and I will too in a way and I want us to go through all of the firsts that we can together."

Sara felt tears prick the back of her eyes. "For someone who was so against our having a baby you certainly came around to the idea."

"Things usually happen like that, though, don't they?" Grissom inquired. "When it was a choice any reason or logic I applied said it was a bad idea for us at this stage in our lives, but now that we are faced with it I can't imagine not having our baby to plan for and look forward to in the future."

"I'm scared about some of that though," Sara replied. "We're going to face so much that we're unfamiliar with even with all of our education, there is only so much that books can tell us about having a baby and raising a baby, from there it is left up to us to know the right thing."

"Nothing we ever encounter in life follows an exact script, Sara, especially things in our work," Grissom began. "If the evidence changes…"

"So must the theory," Sara echoed. "So as the baby changes so must the parent?"

"That's workable for now," Grissom said. "The rest we learn as we go, not even the best parents do everything right all the time. We'll do it together and we'll be just fine."

Sara snuggled in a bit closer, "You always make me feel like I can do anything or be anything. That's why I…"

"Why you what?" Grissom prodded gently, rubbing her arm.

"Why I loved you as long as I did and as deeply as I do," she answered squeezing his hand.

"I love you, too," Grissom sighed kissing Sara's cheek. "Try to get some sleep. We have a very big day tomorrow."

It didn't take Sara very long to fall asleep, and Grissom lay awake watching her for a little while, until his eyes grew heavy and he also drifted off to sleep.

Grissom and Sara took Nora out for breakfast before taking her to the airport. As they stood outside the security checkpoint Nora gave Grissom a hug, "Now you remember to send me the picture of my new grandchild. Take care, my son."

"I will, mom," Grissom replied. Then he signed, "I love you."

Nora returned the sentiment then moved to hold Sara, "Remember what we talked about, Sara," Nora whispered. "Take care of yourself and my grandbaby."

"I will," Sara said her answer twofold. "Have a safe flight. We'll write you tonight."

Grissom took his mother to the end of the security line and saw her leave with a final goodbye.

Allowing for the noon traffic through Vegas Grissom and Sara left for her appointment early. "My mom is so excited," Grissom smiled. "She hasn't been this happy since our wedding."

"Neither have I," Sara smiled. "It looks like we planned this perfectly-we'll be right on time."

Grissom smiled and turned the car toward the parking lot for Sara's OB.

Dr. Paula Ragner's office was typical of an OBGYN. There were women seated around the waiting room in various stages of pregnancy. Some were with their husbands and some alone, there were nervous young girls with their mothers and finally women on their own possibly there for an annual check.

Sara went to the reception window and signed her name while Grissom looked around the room with interest. Sara followed his eyes to a woman possibly 9 months along or even later, "Behold my future," Sara said appearing at his side. "It'll be a while before we see the doctor. Let's get a seat."

Sara and Grissom sat on a sofa in a corner of the waiting room. She picked up a copy of "Fit Pregnancy" magazine while he continued to peruse the room studying its occupants, observing their movement and mannerisms until finally his thoughts were interrupted by the receptionist calling out, "Sara Grissom," in a clear voice. "You may follow me."

Sara closed her magazine and reached for Grissom's hand. She wasn't sure how he was feeling in an environment that was predominantly female and where the only males were at least 20 years his junior. He took her hand and squeezed it as they walked through the door.

Sara was put on the scale as soon as they reached the back hallway, "Let's see what kind of progress you are making, Sara," said the nurse.

Sara stepped onto the doctor's scale and the nurse adjusted it until it balanced at 116lbs. The nurse noted Sara's weight on the chart then led them to the exam room where she took Sara's blood pressure and temperature.

"Okay, Sara," the nurse smile. "Dr. Ragner will be ready in few minutes to examine you." She turned to leave then paused and handed a small specimen cup to Grissom, "Oh I forgot, when they're finished with you, we need some for a sample."

"From…" he began, but Sara jumped in to rescue him. "Thank you."

The nurse left Grissom and Sara alone while they waited for the doctor. Grissom sat on the chair next to the exam table and pulled his questions out of his shirt pocket.

"Do you really plan on asking all of those?" Sara asked.

"Yes," Grissom replied. "I want to know what to expect, what's normal, common, uncommon, and what I can do to help you during your pregnancy. I want you to be safe, that's all."

"That's sweet, Gil really but our books…"

Sara was cut off when Dr. Ragner entered the room. "Good afternoon, Sara," she greeted. "And you must be Gil, it is a pleasure to meet you finally," Dr. Ragner extended her hand which Grissom accepted.

"Likewise," he replied.

"Sara, how have you been feeling?" Dr. Ragner asked.

"Fine," Sara replied, but Grissom interjected.

"Her morning sickness isn't too bad," Grissom told the doctor. "But she is tired all the time and has had a few dizzy spells, some significant."

Dr. Ragner raised her eyebrow in Sara's direction, "So, not fine?" she smiled. "How often do these spells occur?"

"I have a few every day, but Saturday evening and yesterday they were more frequent and lasted longer," Sara answered. "They were also more intense."

Dr. Ragner made some notes, "Your blood pressure may explain that," she said. "Normal blood pressure is 120/80 but can range from between 100/60 to 140/85 or so. Your blood pressure is below the normal minimum, around 90/50."

"Can you fix that?" Grissom asked.

"There are some safe medications that I can give you, but let's try diet modification first," the doctor replied. "I'll be able to tell you more once I see your blood test and UA results as well. And other problems?"

"Saturday night she had a few cramps," Grissom supplied.

"Gil," Sara sighed. "The "she" you are talking about is here, too."

"I'm sorry, honey. I just…" Grissom defended.

"What type of pain?" Dr. Ragner asked.

"A strong cramping," Sara said. "It only lasted a little while and I haven't had it since. There was no bleeding or anything."

Dr. Ragner made a few more notes and smiled, "Okay, I'm going to send Mary in to do your ultrasound then I'll be back to examine you and get some tests run so we can hopefully get mom to start feeling better and dad to stop worrying."

Dr. Ragner left the room and Sara reached over for Grissom's hand, "Most little girls dream about this day, but I never did. I never dreamed of anything 'normal' kids did. I'm glad, though."

Grissom ran his thumb over Sara's knuckles, "Why are you glad, honey?"

"Because this is so much better than any dream I could have ever had," Sara smiled. "We're going to see our baby, Gil."

Grissom couldn't help but be touched by her excitement for his own heart was beating at a pace much faster than usual. "I know, honey," he said softly keeping his voice low.

Sara nodded and a moment later the door opened and the technician came in with a broad friendly smile, "Hello, Sara," she greeted. "Mr. Grissom, I'm Mary and I'll be doing your ultrasound today." She looked down at Sara's chart, "It says here you are about 14 weeks, wonderful. You should be able to make out the shape of your baby, and it will look like what you are used to seeing by this stage. It is too early to tell the sex so you have another six weeks or so to decide if you want to be surprised now or later." Mary explained. "Sara, if you'll lie back for me and lift up your shirt."

Mary helped Sara expose her stomach and placed towels near her clothing so it wouldn't be stained by the jelly. "This is going to be a little cold," Mary warned before she put the substance on her Sara's abdomen and began to move the transducer about on Sara's stomach.

Mary repositioned the screen and moved the transducer until an outline of a fetus could be seen on the screen. Sara smiled and pointed to what she only assumed was the head, "I think that's the head, Gil," she said excitedly and waited for Mary to begin explaining what was what.

"Is it?" Grissom asked Mary as she continued to move the instrument.

"Yes, that is the head," she confirmed, but it was not the head that she was trying to locate. As she listened to the excited mother trying to identify the baby's parts Mary's heart fell because she could not locate the one central point that was the objective of every ultrasound technician, the tiny blinking, beating heart. She searched for it a good five minutes before turning the screen off.

"Sara, I'll be right back, sweetie," Mary said softly, trying not to convey her worry or fear to the couple in the room.

"Is everything all right?" Sara asked quickly.

Mary nodded, "I just need to ask the doctor something. Don't you worry." Mary patted Sara's knee and hurriedly left the room.

Sara squeezed Grissom's hand, "Gil, something's wrong," she said her voice thick as it had been the previous morning when she mourned the pig that had given its life for his breakfast.

"You don't know that," Grissom said firmly. "Just wait until Mary and the doctor return. It's okay."

Grissom hoped his tone and words were convincing because he was just as frightened as Sara was at Mary's abrupt and silent departure. Still, he had a job to do; he had to keep Sara calm until Dr. Ragner gave them a reason to be scared and upset.

The door opened and Dr. Ragner along with Mary joined Sara and Grissom. Sara's eyes misted over with unshed tears, fixed on Dr. Ragner's, "Is the baby all right?"

"I'm going to find out, right now," Dr. Ragner said soothingly. "Try and relax."

Sara closed her eyes and swallowed hard trying to control her anxiety. Grissom leaned in close to her and whispered soft words in her ear in effort to help keep her calm.

After about five minutes Dr. Ragner stopped her exploration of Sara's abdomen with the transducer and politely asked Mary to leave. "Sara, Gil…it seems that we have a problem with the baby," she began gently.

Sara let out a small sob and two tears spilled from her eyes. Grissom inhaled sharply and asked for clarification, "What kind of problem, Dr. Ragner?"

"Well, you see when an ultrasound is done; the technician or nurse uses the baby's beating heart as a central zone for determining development and body positioning. When Mary wasn't able to find that she came and asked me to have a look. I was not able to find it, either. It appears that while we have estimated the baby's gestational age as 14 weeks, the fetus' development and size indicate that it is only about 11-12 weeks old. I'm going to have to do blood chemistry to confirm this, but I'm sorry, it appears that your baby has in fact been miscarried."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

A few hours later Sara and Grissom returned home, only it was not the joyous event either had dreamed about the previous night. Even Bruno seemed to sense that his people were deeply hurt and very sad for he only lifted his head from his dog bed when the door opened.

Sara hadn't said much since Dr. Ragner delivered the crushing blow. In fact, she had barely reacted at all. Tears silently fell from her closed eyes as the doctor gently explained that what had occurred was called a "missed miscarriage" where the fetus dies but remains for some period of time inside the womb and that surgery, a D&C, was required to cleanse Sara's uterus. Sara didn't participate at all as Grissom scheduled the procedure for the next day and took extensive notes on the back of his list of pregnancy questions about what happened, what was needed, and what Sara would require in the coming days and weeks. Finally, after a tearful Mary helped Sara clean the jelly off her stomach and directed her to use the bathroom she spoke, looking absently at the urine specimen cup. "Do I still need this?" she asked quietly.

"No, that's all right, honey," Mary answered. "I'll take it."

Sara handed Mary the cup and slid off the table and without another word went into the bathroom to relieve her full bladder.

"Gil," Mary asked softly. "Would you like me to print one of the photos I captured, for a remembrance?"

"Please," Grissom replied feeling that it was something they should have even if they never looked at it. They had created a living person, their son or daughter if only for a short time and that needed to be remembered.

After Sara was finished Mary directed them to the rear entrance so they could leave quietly without passing the other patients in the waiting room. Grissom kept a protective hand on Sara's back offering all he could to her outside of the safety of their home.

The entire trip was made in silence. Grissom turned the radio off hoping that Sara would say something, anything, but she didn't, she just stayed quiet.

Once they were inside the protection of their home Grissom broke the heavy silence, "Would you like a cup of tea?" he asked not sure what else he could offer.

"No, thank you," she replied. "I don't really feel like tea."

"Okay," Grissom said. "Why you don't lie down for a while?"

"Not much of a reason to do that anymore, is there?" Sara said in the same monotone she had been using.

"Honey, I…" Grissom began.

"Bruno needs his walk," Sara interjected. "And you never did get to our bathroom yesterday. I'll start on that."

"Sara, I don't think you should be on your hands and knees…" Grissom began automatically but caught himself. Instead, he decided if Sara needed to be busy for awhile he'd let her have that space. "Don't push yourself too hard," he said gently then took down Bruno's leash and called the dog.

The dog seemed to sense that Grissom needed time to process the day's events because he took his time as they walked. While Grissom blindly followed Bruno's lead instead of the other way around, Grissom decided it would probably be best to call the lab now so Sara didn't have to hear him say she had lost their baby over and over again to their friends and colleagues.

Grissom pulled out his cell phone and dialed Catherine's number. He knew once he told her she would take care of informing the rest of their team. He'd have to handle Ecklie on his own.

Catherine answered on the first ring, "Hello, this is Catherine."

"Cath, hi, it's Gil," Grissom said quietly.

"Hey," she replied. "How did you appointment go?"

"It didn't' go very well, Catherine," Grissom replied. "Apparently Sara suffered what they called a missed miscarriage, where the baby dies still inside the mother's womb. We…"

"Oh, Gil, I'm so sorry," Catherine hurried to say once his words had sunk into her brain. "How are you and Sara doing? I know not very well, bu…"

"She's in shock and I'm trying to do what I can for her," Grissom said tiredly. "Her D&C is tomorrow and I would really appreciate you covering for me for the next week or so while she recovers."

"Of course I will," Catherine said firmly. "Anything either of you need just say the word. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

"Could you spread the word to the rest of the team?" Grissom asked. "I'll call tomorrow after her surgery is over. I don't know where we'll be up for visitors."

"All right," Catherine agreed. "I'll fill everyone in, but please keep us posted on how she's doing, on how you are both doing."

"Thank you," Grissom sighed. "I need to go. I have to call Ecklie and arrange more leave time for both of us. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Bye, Gil," Catherine said. "Give Sara our love."

"I will," Grissom promised and ended the call.

Grissom made the next call to Ecklie with his jaw clenched. He could feel the tension grabbing at his shoulders reaching around his skull like a vice. "Not now," he prayed as Ecklie's voice came over the line.

"Conrad Ecklie," he greeted.

"Conrad, it's Grissom," he sighed. His weariness and heartache must have leeched into his voice because even the usually oblivious lab director noticed his counterparts defeated tone.

"Is something wrong, Grissom?" Ecklie asked not necessarily concerned for his archrival but very curious because of the tone he heard in Grissom's voice.

"Yes, actually there is something wrong," Grissom replied. "Sara lost the baby."

Ecklie was quiet for a beat, "I'm sorry, Gil," he said sincerely. "I …I know that can be rough. Was it complete or…Is Sara all right? Physically I mean."

"For now she is," Grissom answered too tired and in too much pain from his rapidly developing migraine to contemplate the legitimate care and concern he heard in Ecklie's voice. "She is scheduled for a D&C tomorrow morning and we both are going to need more time…"

"With the serial case I can only spare you ten days at the most, but tell Sara to take all the time she needs," Ecklie replied.

Grissom was shocked at how agreeable Ecklie was being, but pondering this development was beyond his current capability so he merely replied, "Thank you. I'll let Sara know," then clicked the phone off.

By the time Grissom and Bruno reached the house his migraine was in full swing. He could barely keep his eyes opened as he entered the house with the harsh Nevada sunlight streaming through the living room curtains. The sound of Sara running the vacuum sent him over the edge.

"Sara!" Grissom said loudly to be heard over the vacuum.

Sara immediately heard the tone in Grissom's voice and switched the machine off. "Oh, Gil," she said quickly moving to his side. All of the tell-tale signs were firmly etched on his face. Sara released Bruno from his leash the quickly took Grissom's hand, "Come on, let's get you in bed. Bad one, huh?" she asked sympathetically.

"Worst one in a while," Grissom replied. "I'm sorry, honey. I sh…"

"You hush," Sara ordered. "You had a rough day, you need to rest."

Grissom didn't have the strength to argue or resist Sara's care. In fact, he knew that he was no good to her at all at the moment, so he let Sara lead him to the darkened bedroom, administer his medicine, and calmly sit beside him, his aching head cradled against her hip, her soft fingers soothing the pain and tension out of his temples and jaw. "Don't worry," she cooed softly. "All the worry in the world won't change what is. Just rest and let all the tension flow out of your head to your shoulders, out of your shoulders to your arm, out of your arms to your fingers and out of your body.

As Sara spoke those words her hands followed the path she described as over and over she repeated that mantra, interchanging it every so often with "Just take deep cleansing breaths and let yourself go," until finally Grissom's breathing evened out, a signal the pills were working and when he woke up he would be migraine free.

While Grissom slept his headache away Sara inventoried the refrigerator in effort to come up with something for their supper. She always tried to make something she knew Grissom would enjoy along with her. She decided to fix a mushroom stir fry, she'd even add chicken to some of it for him to enjoy.

Sara defrosted the chicken in the microwave while she boiled water to steam the broccoli and chopped vegetables. Grissom was still asleep when the meal was ready so Sara kept his portion warm. She only managed a few bites before the food began to feel like it was stuck in her throat. She put it in a container and stuck it in the refrigerator behind the orange juice.

Sara never cared for orange juice, it was more Grissom's drink but since she found out she was pregnant she made a point of drinking it more often because she knew folic acid and vitamin C were important for the baby. Absently she reached for the carton and poured herself a glass. She took a sip. As the liquid passed her tongue and went down her throat memories of the doctor's visit came rushing back.

"You've suffered what is called missed miscarriage…" seemed to echo in her brain. Suddenly, as the mocking words ran through her head, Sara felt her body began to shake as hot tears ran from her eyes. Sara rushed to raise her hands to her face to stop the onslaught of grief. If she cried, if she grieved it meant her baby was truly gone, that she would never hold it in her arms or see Grissom smile down at his son or daughter. It was just too much to take.

Grissom awoke to the sound of breaking glass and quickly reacted to it. He ignored the minimal pain still in her head and hurried towards the kitchen with Sara's name on his lips.

Grissom found her in the kitchen on her knees a broken glass and its contents adorned the floor while Sara knelt, hands clasped to her mouth behind the puddle of juice. Quickly Grissom stepped over the mess and knelt next to Sara, taking her stiff, quivering form into his arms, "Ssh," he mumbled. "Come here, honey."

At first Sara fought Grissom's embrace but he held fast, gently rocking her back and forth as she cried. "Gil..." she choked out through her tears. "Gil…I…"

"I know, honey," he comforted. "I know. I've got you. You're all right."

Sara continued to shake and Grissom continued to sway gently back and forth. Occasionally he would whisper to Sara that she was okay, that he was there with her, and that everything was going to be all right.

"No it won't," Sara sobbed after one such assurance. "Our baby…It was ours, our baby! No one else's. Our baby needs us, it…he had to be with us!"

"It wasn't our time," Grissom tried to soothe. "That baby wasn't meant for us."

Grissom knew that was the wrong comment before it even left his mouth, but once it came out there was not stopping the results. Sara pulled away from Grissom with a sharp shove to his chest. "And I bet you're relieved now, aren't you?" she hissed. "You never wanted our baby! You only accepted it because you didn't have a choice."

"Sara, no," Grissom corrected. "I didn't want to plan for a baby, but I wanted one…this one, very, very much." The pleading was evident in his voice.

As soon as he said those words, Sara began to cry again and crawled back over to Grissom. "I want my baby," she sobbed. "I already loved it even...It was mine…No one…"

Grissom felt tears burn the back of his eyes but choked the emotion down. This was Sara's time to grieve and he needed to comfort her. "I know, honey," he crooned holding her close. "I know it hurts."

Sara nodded against his chest. "I never knew it could hurt like this," she whispered.

Grissom placed a kiss on her forehead and squeezed her trembling form to him. After several more minutes he felt Sara relax and begin to settle down. With another soft kiss he suggested, "Why don't you take a nice bath and curl up in bed. I'll clean up out here."

"No, I'll do it," Sara countered. "You don't feel…How's your headache?"

"Much better," he replied. "I'm fine. You need your rest; you have your surgery tomorrow."

She nodded, "What are we going to tell people? What will your mom say?"

"Don't worry about that, honey," Grissom said. "I'll write to mom and fill her in on what happened. I called Catherine…"

"You called Catherine already?" Sara asked, her tone indicating she was a bit put out that he had so hurriedly shared their loss with others, even if it was one of their friends.

"It had to be done, honey," Grissom replied rising from the floor. "We had to call out of work for the next little while."

"You didn't have to, Gil," Sara argued. "You aren't having surgery to have your baby ripped out of you."

"Sara," Grissom said, his voice holding a stern hint of warning. "You know why you need the operation. You need to have your uterus cleansed so after six weeks or when you feel ready we can try again. Regardless of that though, you cannot honestly think I would ever leave you alone after everything that happened today. You know me better than that!"

Sara knew she'd gone too far but she was aching inside and lashing out seemed the only way to let her pain come out. She had cried, but instead of bringing relief her tears only brought more sadness and depression. "I do, Gil," Sara replied. "I'm sorry. I know you'd never leave me alone to deal with this by myself. How…what did Ecklie say?"

"He surprisingly understood," Grissom replied. "He gave me ten days off and you all the time you need. Catherine of course is very sorry and offered anything we could need."

"That was nice of her," Sara sighed. "All I really want now is to be left alone. I know our friends will want to help, but I am not in the mood for sympathy or questions."

Grissom closed the space between them and pulled her close. "They'll understand that, Sara," he assured her. "We'll have to accept their well wishes and answer their questions eventually but for the time being…"

Grissom paused when their doorbell rang, "Or not," he sighed and released Sara to peek out the window. "I can't see who it is but I see a Denali ."

"I don't want to see anyone now, Gil," Sara whispered. "Please."

"Okay, sweetheart," Grissom said calmly. "You go get ready for bed. I'll get rid of whoever it is."

Sara retreated to the bedroom while Grissom made his way to the door. He opened it to reveal Nick standing on their porch. "Hey, Griss," he greeted. "I came by because Catherine told us about what happened. I wanted to tell you guys how sorry I am." Nick waited a beat and when all Grissom did was nod he asked, "Can I see Sara?"

Grissom shook his head, "I'm sorry, Nick, but Sara doesn't feel up to visitors right now. In fact, I'm not sure when we'll feel up to it." Grissom knew he was being harsh with Nick but he didn't care, the stress of the day's events had worn his patience thin.

"Listen, Grissom, I know you and Sara are going through a horrible time," Nick sympathized. "My brother's wife lost a baby last year. I know how you feel…"

"No," Grissom said flatly. "I can assure you that you don't. Believe me until you stand where I stood and heard what I heard you could not possibly know how I feel."

Nick opened his mouth to reply but Grissom cut him off before he got started, "Please excuse me. I need to get back to Sara. Good night."

Without another word Grissom closed the door leaving Nick to see his way back to his truck.

**A/n: To all of my faithful readers…It may be a few weeks before I am able to update again. I have a medical issue that I have to deal with and I do not know how I will be feeling as I have never done anything like that before. I appreciate your understanding and patience.**

**Thanks to Giwu for betaing this for me as quickly as she did. You are the best!!**

**The response to the last chapter was wonderful. For all of those who submit a signed review to this chapter, you will receive a response with a question inside of it. I will use your answers to determine that bit of the story. I like to do little interactive bits occasionally, so let's see how it works out. I hope you all continue to read and enjoy.**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**A/N: Wow it has been a long time! I am mostly recovered from my health issue now and I will be resuming regular updates of my WIPs along with working on new fics for JAG, the Sound of Music, and of course, CSI. **

**This chapter is unbetaed, I was so excited to have it written I wanted to post it right away so all mistakes are mine. Reviews welcome!**

Sara had changed into pajamas and was lying curled up on their bed when Grissom returned. "Who was it?" she asked as she absently stroked Bruno's fur.

"Nick," Grissom sighed stretching out beside her. "He wanted to pay his respects."

Sara rolled over and snuggled into Grissom's side. "That was nice of him," she sighed running her hand over his stomach. "Gil, I want to ask you something," she said softly.

"What is that, love?" he asked covering her hand with his.

"I want to have the baby tested to see if it was a boy or a girl," Sara replied. "I don't want to remember the baby and call it 'baby' or 'it'."

"I am sure we could ask Dr. Ragner to find that out for us," Grissom replied. "The baby is still our child and deserves to remembered."

"Thank you," Sara sighed. A minute passed then she asked, "Did you mean what you said before in the kitchen about trying again when we're ready?"

Grissom looked down at Sara's large brown eyes, "Yeah, I did. A family was never something I planned on but now that we had even a little taste…It is something I want to give you and share with you, so yes I do want us to try for a family when we feel ready."

Sara rewarded Grissom with a small smile, "I love you. Thank you for that," she told him.

Grissom placed a soft kiss on Sara's head. "I love you, too. Now get some rest. I'm going to have a bite to eat then I'll join you. Five AM will be here before you know it."

Grissom's prediction proved to be accurate because in what seemed to be in the blink of an eye the alarm was blaring and they were driving across town to get her registered. All too soon Sara was being prepped for her surgery with Grissom hovering protectively by her side. A young nurse placed EKG leads on Sara's chest and legs then inserted a saline IV for easier administration of the anesthetic. When the nurse had finished she smiled at Sara and Grissom, "They'll be ready for you in a little while, Mrs. Grissom. Just relax."

"I love how they always tell you to relax before they cut you open," Sara commented. "Did they tell you to relax before you surgery?"

"Yes," Grissom replied. "But considering I was fairly relaxed. I accepted by that stage the surgery would work or fail and that I would have to accept either outcomes as meant to be and beyond my control."

Sara squeezed his hand. "Is that how you are taking this so well? Because you feel it is meant to be and beyond your control?"

"Sara I'm not…"Grissom began but was interrupted by Dr. Ragner who appeared dressing in scrubs ready to take Sara back.

"We're ready for you, Sara," she said softly coming to Sara's side.

Grissom leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Sara's lips. "I love you, honey. It won't be long before you're done and I'll be right there with you when you wake up, all right?"

Sara nodded slowly. "I love you too," she whispered as the doctor and two newly arrived orderlies took her down the hall away from Grissom.

"Dr. Ragner," Grissom said quickly before she was out of sight. "We'd like to know…if you can tell us. We'd like to know if the baby was a boy or a girl."

"Of course," Dr. Ragner replied with a soft smiled and followed the orderlies down the hall.

After Sara disappeared behind the doors marked "Authorized Personnel Only" Grissom meandered to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee before settling down in the waiting area. He thumbed through an old issue of Time and attempted to focus on the New York Times crossword only to fail miserably. All he seemed to be able to concentrate on was the clock and the weight on his mind. With a defeated sigh Grissom leaned his elbows on his knees and rested his weary head in his hands. He was so focused on his thoughts of Sara and their baby he didn't hear the door open or even realize that he was no longer alone in the waiting room until and unfamiliar but strong hand squeezed his shoulder.

Grissom startled at the unusual contact and lifted his head to see who the intruder was and met face to face with Ecklie. "My wife is having surgery, Conrad," Grissom defended. "I'm not coming in at all today. I don't care how much…"

Ecklie held up his hands, "I'm not here as your boss, Gil. I'm here because I've been where you are now and I wanted to see how you are doing."

Grissom was surprised but nothing in Ecklie's stance seemed to indicate he was being anything less than sincere. "I'm fine," Grissom replied. "It's Sara I'm worrying about now. She is still in shock."

"My wife's miscarriage was more dramatic," Conrad began. "We were at her sister's in San Diego for Thanksgiving dinner when Jenny started cramping and bleeding. We both knew what was happening before the doctors told us, but it was still a shock and a disappointment."

"I just want Sara to be all right," Grissom sighed. "As long as she's okay everything will work out as it should."

"Sara and Jenni are total opposites from what I have seen," Ecklie said. "For every ounce of strength Sara seems to have, Jenny had an ounce of weakness. She never emotionally recovered from the blow of losing the baby and I didn't help matters an. You are focusing all of your energy on Sara right now and that's good, but Gil, while I know I am the last person you want to ever take advice from, please listen to just his bit of advice…give yourself some time to grieve too. It is really easy for outsiders to remember the father of the child lost too, but for fathers themselves…you need to mourn your baby, Gil. When you're ready, you need to do that."

Grissom took in Ecklie's words and nodded mutedly. He saw a new human side to his usual adversary and was surprised that he found some comfort in Ecklie's words.

"Well," Ecklie sighed. "I said my piece. I did what I came to do." Ecklie rose then extended a grocery bag to Grissom. "I picked this up at the market. After you've been through this a few times you realize how necessary these are after a miscarriage. Most women throw their products away I've noticed."

Grissom looked in the bag and saw a box of 48 count overnight maxi pads with wings and without deodorant. He looked at Ecklie with a mixture of shock, confusion, and gratitude.

"You don't have to tell her they're from me," Ecklie said from the doorway. "She'll appreciate you thinking of it. Give Sara our best and I wish you luck."

Ecklie turned the knob and was almost gone before Grissom found his voice again. "Conrad," he called.

Ecklie paused and met Grissom's eyes. "Thank you."

"No need, let's just say we're members of the same sad club," Ecklie replied then left Grissom to this thinking.

Dr. Ragner had told Grissom the procedure from start to finish would take about 45 minutes but it could be up to 90 minutes before he would be able to see Sara, thus Grissom waited patiently until two hours had passed with no word about Sara's condition. Then Grissom anxiously moved to the nurse's station to inquire, "Excuse me," he said politely. "Can you help me find information on my wife, please?"

"I probably can," the nurse replied. "What is her name?"

"Sara with no –h Grissom," he replied.

"And her doctor's name?" the nurse asked inputting the information into a computer.

"Dr. Ragner, Paula Ragner," Grissom said.

"The computer shows she is still in the OR, Mr. Grissom," the nurse replied. "I can try to call into the OR for an update."

"Please, I'd appreciate that," said Grissom.

The nurse moved and dialed a house phone. She spoke for a few minutes then returned to Grissom. "Mr. Grissom, if you'll have a seat Dr. Ragner will be out to speak with you in a few minutes."

Grissom nodded and thanked the nurse before resuming his seat in the waiting area. Not a full minute later Dr. Ragner appeared in the waiting room still dressed in blood soaked surgical scrubs. "Mr. Grissom," she said with a small smile. "Let's sit." She took a chair near then one he had vacated and Grissom sat down again.

"How is Sara?" Grissom asked. "It's been over 2 hours."

"There was, is a mild complication," Dr. Ragner replied. "As we were performing the D&C Sara began to bleed heavily and it took us a while to slow that bleeding down and get it to stop."

"Is she all right?" Grissom asked nervously.

"We got the bleeding under control, but we had to perform a laparoscopy to isolate the cause," Dr. Ragner explained. "Sara had probably been bleeding internally for days. We found that Sara has an overgrowth of endometrial tissue outside of her uterus, on her ovaries and other female organs, extending through to the bladder and the bowel. It is a Stage IV endometriosis."

Grissom did a quick mental inventory but was too tired and worried to rely on his minimal familiarity with female reproductive ailments. He removed his glasses and squeezed the bridge of his nose. With a long sigh he asked, "What exactly does that mean? How serious is that?"

"As ailments go, not very. It rarely has serious health implications beyond pelvic pain and excessively heavy menstrual cycles," Dr. Ragner explained. "The most common and most severe implication of this disorder is infertility."

Grissom nodded grimly, "Is that why she…"

"Perhaps," the doctor said. "We can't know for sure with the fetus so young, but what I can say is it was nothing short of a scientific fluke that Sara became pregnant naturally. Most women at her age with a case as advanced as Sara's is conceive less than 1 of the time on their own."

"What does that…Are you saying we'll never have a child?" Grissom asked.

"There is a wealth of treatments and techniques that can help increase the odds a bit, but you are months from that," Dr. Ragner replied. "For now, I'm going to need your permission to remove the scar tissue and excise the clots in Sara's abdomen."

"How will you do that?" Grissom asked. "Will she be in much pain afterwards? She never had any symptoms before this and if it is something that can be left alone I don't want to put her through any more trauma."

"Her recovery time was already increased because we had to use the scope. The tissue removal will be performed the same way using the same tiny incisions I've already made." Dr. Ragner explained. "I have made four 1.5 centimeter cuts in Sara's abdomen, and it will only make sense to have it removed."

"I see," Grissom sighed. "And if we leave it and talk about this first, are there risks?"

"The tissue will continue to grow and to spread if left untreated and as Sara is symptomatic now there isn't any reason to put her through another operation," Dr. Ragner advised. "She won't be in any more pain that she already is going to be from the incisions."

Grissom sighed. He knew the doctor was right. "All right. Where do I sign?"

Dr. Ragner handed him the consent form and he quickly signed his name. "How much longer until I can be with her? She'll need…She'll need me to explain it."

"About another two hours," Dr. Ragner replied. "As soon as we get her into the recovery room you can be with her."

"Thank you," Grissom replied. "Doctor…I'd like to be the one to tell her, when I think she's ready."

Dr. Ragner nodded sympathetically, "Of course, Mr. Grissom. Have a seat and try to relax. Sara is going to be just fine."

With that reassurance, Dr. Ragner was gone leaving Grissom to wait in the empty waiting room with nothing to occupy him but his thoughts.

The two hours until Grissom was finally allowed to see Sara seemed to take forever. All he wanted to do was sit beside his wife, hold her hands in his until she woke, and tell her over and over how much he loved her.

Grissom knew the diagnosis would be hard on Sara because having a family meant so much to her and to him. Still they would deal with that later.

"She won't be awake for a while yet," the OR nurse told him. "You can have a seat."

Grissom sat beside Sara's bed and reached out for her hand gently enveloping it in his own. He remembered his surgery and how nervous he had felt waking up alone in eerie silence. Sara would not awaken to silence, but she would to some amount of confusion and pain. He wanted to be there to soothe her when that happened.

After about half an hour, Sara's hand flexed in Grissom's grasp before her eyelids began to flutter. Grissom moved closer to the bed and smiled down at her softly.

"Hey there," he greeted gently. "Welcome back."

Sara licked her dry lips and tried to reply though her sore throat made speaking difficult. "Gil…" she croaked so softly he could barely hear her.

"Ssh," Grissom urged. "Don't try to talk yet, honey. Let me get you some ice chips."

Grissom took the cup of ice from the bedside table into his hand and spooned some out of the cup. He offered the spoon to Sara and she smiled in relief as the cool moisture soothed her throat.

"More?" Grissom offered taking the spoon again.

Sara shook her head. "No. Why…Gil, my stomach…" Sara began visibly wincing at pain she didn't realize she would feel. "Why…"

"Ssh," Grissom soothed. "Lie still, honey. I know you're confused and I know you hurt. It's okay, you're okay."

"Why does…it…" Sara began but again Grissom hushed her.

"Just rest now, honey," he comforted. "I'll explain everything when you wake up a bit more." He squeezed her hand, "Is the pain very bad?"

Sara whimpered and furrowed her brow in response. Grissom pressed the call button and spoke softly to Sara while they waited for the nurse. "All right, honey. You can have something for the pain in just a minute, I promise."

Sara whimpered again and tried his name, "Gil, I…"

"Yes, Mr. Grissom," the nurse responsible for Sara said as she arrived.

"My…Sara is complaining of pain. Can she please have something to help her?" Grissom asked.

"Yes, Dr. Ragner ordered Demerol for her," the nurse replied. "I'll get it for her. Her room is about ready too."

"Thank you," Grissom said then turned his attention back to Sara.

"Do I have to stay?" she whispered still tired and confused.

"Just for a little bit," Grissom assured her. "I'll be right here with you. I promise."

Sleepily, Sara nodded and murmured, "Kay. Love you," before easing back into the peaceful realm of sleep.

Sara woke again about three hours later. She blinked a few times to adjust her eyes to the harsh hospital lighting. She looked down at her hands. Her right hand was attached to an IV line giving her fluids and possibly medication while her left hand was enveloped in the strong grip of her husband's warm hands.

Grissom's eyes were closed, his chin resting on his chest, though he wasn't as relaxed as he should be in sleep. Sara furrowed her brow and gently tugged on Grissom's hand.

Grissom felt the light pull against his hand and immediately jolted awake. "Sara?" he said as he turned toward her bed.

"Hi," she murmured sleepily offering a small smile. "What time is it?"

"It's about 5:30," Grissom replied. "Supper time."

"Five…they took me at eight. I slept so…" Sara said confused. "Why do I hurt so much?" 

Grissom rose from the chair so he could sit closer to Sara. He carefully sat down on the bed beside her. "Honey, you had a complication during you procedure. You started bleeding badly so Dr. Ragner had to make some small cuts in your stomach, a laparoscopy. That's why you have pain there."

Sara nodded, "I was bleeding?"

"You're fine now," Grissom assured her. "Everything is okay. You need to rest tonight. I'll bring you home in the morning."

"I don't want to stay here, Gil," Sara replied.

"I know, Sara," he soothed. "But it's what's best for you. I'll be right here with you all the time, okay? Are you feeling sick to you stomach?"

Sara shook her head, "Can I have some water?"

Grissom poured a cup of water and offered it to Sara, "Small sips, okay?"

Sara took a drink then turned her head away. Grissom tenderly brushed her hair back from her face, "You should get some more rest," he encouraged.

Sara nodded, "Did the doctor say why I was bleeding?"

Grissom swallowed. This was not the time to tell her about Dr. Ragner's discovery. She wasn't physically or emotionally strong enough to handle that news now. "Don't worry about all that now," he said. "Worry about feeling better so we can go home. I know Bruno misses you."

The mention of their dog diverted Sara's hazy mind, "Who's walking him, Gil? He…"

"Jim's going to go by and walk him and Mrs. Pugh is going top off his food and water before she goes to work," Grissom assured her. "Bruno's fine. All you need to do is rest. Just rest, don't worry."

"Don't worry," Sara replied leaning deeper into the pillows as sleep once again came to claim her.


	18. Chapter 18

**I do not own CSI.**

**Once again, this chapter is unbetaed. I tried to catch all of my mistakes. The story has been complete, I believe there are about four chapters left. There will be a sequel, called Anthills.**

**All Reviewers will received a reply with two special surprises.**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 18**

"Here we are," Grissom announced when he brought Sara home the next afternoon. Bruno barked with delight when he saw his humans had returned.

"Hi, buddy," Sara greeted patting their boxer on the head. "Did you miss us? You did, didn't you?" She instinctively moved to lean over but her incisions protested and reminded her that it was a bad idea.

"Easy," Grissom warned softly. "You need to heal, Sara. Don't push too hard."

"I'm all right, Gil," Sara comforted. "Only a bit sore." Sara slowly straightened herself and surveyed her husband with a critical eye. "You look tired. You couldn't have gotten much sleep at the hospital."

"I'm fine," Grissom assured her. "I'll get you some pajamas and help you get changed."

"Thank you," Sara replied. "Gil, honey do you think you could run to the drug store and pick up some maxi pads. Dr. Ragner said I can't use tampons for a few months."

"Actually, I have some already in the back of the truck," Grissom replied. "I'll run out ad get them."

Sara's eyes clouded over at Grissom's answer, You thought of…"she began.

Grissom stopped her, he didn't want to say that he had thought of buying the sanitary pads. That would be a lie and Grissom did not want to take credit for something he did not do. ON the other hand, he didn't know how Sara would react to the truth so he hedged his bet, "I had some advice on that actually," he replied.

"Dr. Ragner or…" Sara began sensing Grissom was holding way more inside than he should be.

"Let's just say it was from another member of the club," Grissom stated. "Now you need to rest, you lost a good amount of blood an your iron count is already low. Go on and get comfortable. I'll get the pads from the truck and fix dinner."

Sara wasn't hungry but she knew arguing with Grissom was pointless when he was like this. She nodded her consent and made her to the bedroom.

Grissom quickly retrieved the bag Ecklie had given him from the back of the car and returned to Sara's side. She had removed the surgical scrub pants the nurses gave her to wear home and slipped on an old tee-shirt of Grissom's that now doubled as a nightshirt. A copy of Your Pregnancy Day –by – Day was still on the bedside table book marked at the 14th week. Sara fingered the fringe on the bookmark as a new wave of grief came over her.

Sara sat down on the edge of the bed as the tears began to fall. She bit her lips to try to hold the sobs at bay for she knew the muscles involved in crying would protest severely given her cuts. Still try as she might she could not hold back the pain over her loss or the anguished sounds that accompanied it.

Grissom didn't hear Sara's cries until her got closer to their bedroom. As soon as he detected them he quickened his pace and rushed to her side. Grissom sat down beside her on the bed and gently pulled her to him, "That's right, honey," he soothed. "Let it go. Let it go. I've got you. I'm right here with you."

Sara buried her face in Grissom's chest using all of the strength and courage he could offer to her. She felt him place light kisses on her forehead and hair in between murmurs of love and support. "I'm sorry," she gasped out as her tears began to ebb. "I just…I saw the book sitting here and…I never knew you could love something or someone so much that you never even had in the first place."

Grissom tightened his hold on her just a bit, "But we did have him, Sara. Our baby lived inside of you, he had blood, he had DNA, he had a heartbeat…" Grissom trailed off and swallowed hard to keep his own tears in check.

Sara lifted her head from its cocoon to meet Grissom's gaze with questioning eyes, "Did you mean to say 'he'?"

Grissom nodded, "Dr. Ragner told me last night while you were asleep. I asked if I could be the one to tell you." He didn't mention the other piece of news he asked to be allowed to tell her.

"I thought it would be a boy," Sara said after a minute. "I'd hoped."

"Really?" Grissom asked. "I didn't think you would really have a preference."

"I don't really. I just wanted our first child to be a son so you could pass your name on to him and teach him how to be a good man," Sara sighed.

"Did…" Grissom began. "Did you have any ideas what you wanted to call him? Do you want to name the baby, Sara?"

"I would," Sara replied. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Not Gilbert," he chuckled lightly trying to forget they were naming a deceased baby not a newborn one if only for a second.

"What was your father's name?" Sara asked.

"Harold," Grissom answered. "Not Harry, Harold. He hated nicknames."

"And I hate the name Harold," Sara replied. 

"His middle name was Thomas," Grissom provided.

"I like that," Sara said lightly. "Thomas Gilbert Grissom."

"That's perfect, honey," Grissom replied. "Now why don't you put your feet up and rest while I put dinner together? Is there anything special you want?"

"No," Sara said. "I'm not very hungry. Make what you want and I'll eat some of it."

"All right," Grissom agreed. "He rose from the edge of the bed just as Sara pushed herself back on it. The movement pulled at her stitches and she winced.

"Can I help you at all?" Grissom asked flinching in sympathy at her pain.

"No, I'll be okay. After I eat a bit I can have a pill," Sara told him to ease his worry. "Not go on and fix dinner so I can have my drugs."

Grissom smiled softly at the effort she made and replied simply, 'Yes dear," before heading to the kitchen to prepare a meal.

There wasn't very much in the refrigerator or cupboards that appealed to Grissom so he settled on some cut pasta and bottled spaghetti sauce. As he set the water to heat the signal tone on the teletype went off alerting him to an incoming call.

Grissom turned the heat down under the boiling water and sat behind the screen, "Hello, mom," he typed quickly.

"Gilbert, I've been trying to reach you for over a day," Nora replied. "I was getting worried."

"I'm sorry, Mom," Grissom wrote. "We have had a lot going on here in the last few days."

"I know," Nora said. "That's why I've been trying to get in touch with you. I wanted to remind you about the sonogram pictures of my grandchild."

"Oh, Lord," Grissom gasped. He had had forgotten all about his promise to send the pictures to his mother. All of his focus had been on Sara and what she needed from him to deal with the loss and heal both physically and emotionally. He had never even thought about informing his mother.

"Mom," Grissom typed carefully  knowing the news would be hard on her. "I forgot about e-mailing the picture. Sara's appointment was…Sara lost the baby, Mom," he finally typed.

"Gilbert! Why didn't you tell me before now?" Nora asked. "I should have been told as soon as…"

"Mom," Grissom interceded. "This has been very hard on Sara, she wanted this child so much. I've been trying to take care of her. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but finding out our baby was gone was a huge shock and Sara needed surgery to clean her uterus which led to complications. She was in the hospital overnight, I just got her home. I've had so much going on and I lost my focus. I'm sorry."

"How is Sara doing?" Nora asked. "Do you need me to come back for a while?"

"Thank you for offering, but I think it's okay for now. Sara is home, she recovering so I pretty much have it all under control. She just needs to heal, we both need to heal," Grissom typed.

"Let me know, honey if you do need anything," Nora offered. "I'm so sorry, Gil. Give Sara my love. I love you."

"We love you, too, mom," Grissom replied. "I better sign off for now. I have dinner on the stove."

The call ended and Grissom turned his attention back to the pasta. He fixed a salad plate for Sara and a dinner sized one for himself. He carried both meals into their room where they ate and talked about anything and everything but the latest event in their lives, an unspoken agreement that they both needed a break from baby talk.

After only managing a few bites of her meal, Sara pushed the plate away. "Can I have my pill please, Gil?" she asked quietly.

"Sure," he replied immediately moving to get the prescription bottle from the bathroom. "I'll wrap this up in case you want more later."

Sara took the medicine Grissom offered and slid down in bed. "I'm still so tired," she complained yawning.

"That's expected, baby," Grissom soothed. "You've been through a lot in the last few days."

"So have you," Sara replied reaching for his hand. "I'm sorry I haven't been stronger for you."

"You hush," Grissom scolded gently. "I am fine and I will be as long as you are with me. All I need from you is for you to rest and recover."

"Yes, but I know you love the baby too and I just…You can talk to me if you need to, Gil," Sara said squeezing he his hand. "We both lost…"

Grissom nodded, "Yes, we both lost and we both loved the…Thomas and it does hurt, but I know that I'm all right. I know I can make it with you beside me. I love you, Sara."

"I love you, too, Gil," Sara declared her voice husky and warm. She leaned her head up a bit to signal Grissom that she wanted a kiss. He obliged her leaning down and softly brushing his lips over hers.

Grissom ran his knuckles over Sara's cheek as he pulled back and stood. "Close your eyes and get some sleep," he softly instructed. "I have to clean a few things up I the kitchen and go over some e-mails. I'll be in soon."

"Okay," Sara sighed the soporific effect of the painkiller all ready lulling her to sleep.

Grissom placed a lingering kiss on Sara's forehead then tucked the covers around her before slipping out the door.

Grissom cleaned up the supper dishes and walked Bruno before settling himself down in his office behind the computer. With a deep breath he typed in the url of his usual medical research site and entered the search word…endometriosis.

Grissom rapidly scanned the articles the site brought up finding that in many cases endometriosis was synonymous with infertility, especially in women over 35 that had not given birth prior to that age. As Grissom read the risk factors and percentages he realized that it fit Sara to a Texas "T". He also read the more advanced the disease the less likely conception became. It had indeed been a miracle that they conceived Thomas as easily as they did, and the likelihood of them repeating that was very, very low.

Seeing the facts, the truth, in black and white on the screen made Grissom's heart ache. He truly did not realize how much he wanted a family until Sara got pregnant and now that it was so important to both of them it may not ever come to pass.

Grissom closed the window, pulled off his glasses, and sighed. For as much information as was available about endometriosis there was very little in the way of cures or treatments. How could something like that exist, wreck havoc, and have so little that is actually understood about how it worked. Sara asked for so little in life and gave so much, now it looked as if she would never be able to have the baby she so deeply wanted. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right that she should have to endure this. It would break her heart when he told her.

Grissom rose from his desk chair, lifting a file on his inbox and throwing it with all of this strength. He was angry that he and Sara would have to face this, he was hurt because of a dream that would most likely never be, but most of all he was confused. He didn't understand this, the disease, the lack of research, the band aid cures, that were not cures at all. He didn't understand it, he couldn't comprehend it and until he could he couldn't defeat it. He had once told Sara that for a scientist, confused was the best place to be, it looked like it was time to take his own advice.

Grissom pulled out his cell phone and dialed Doc Robbins number.

"Clark County Morgue, this is David," came quickly over the line.

"David, its Gil. I need to speak with Al," Grissom said. "Please put him on the line."

There was silence then the muffled sound of voices as David told Doc Robbins Grissom had called for him. "Hello," the doctor greeted after a moment.

"Al, its Gil," Grissom said using both their given names, his way of separating his requests that were personal in nature from professional.

"Gil," Doc greeted. "How are you holding up? How's Sara?"

"Sara's asleep. She's still getting her strength back from the surgery," Grissom replied. "She had a complication and they ended up doing a laparoscopy instead of the D&C."

"What kind of complication?" Doc asked. "Severe?"

"Severe enough. She was bleeding badly so her doctor opened her up for a look and found a Stage IV endometriosis."

"Stage IV is advanced. That explains why she bled so badly during the D&C. She probably had pints of blood in her uterus and abdominal cavity," Doc reasoned.

"She did," Grissom sighed. "Her doctor said that was likely why she was experiencing so many dizzy spells. The doctor said she cleaned out all of the scar tissue, but she still says that for Sara and I to have conceived a baby once was a longshot, that it will be nearly impossible for us to do that again."

"Endometriosis is one of the leading causes of infertility," Doc Robbins agreed. "How did Sara take the news?" 

"Grissom let out a long sigh, "I haven't told her yet."

"Oh, Gil," Doc groaned. "You are going to have to tell her."

"I know," Gil sighed. "She's taking the loss so hard. I just wanted to wait until she's feeling stronger and until I understand this illness better so I can have a plan in place."

"There really isn't much to plan," Doc said. "There is very little definite facts on this condition."

"I know," Grissom replied. "And what is know is sketchy at best. That is why I need your help. I need to understand this thing, Al, then maybe I can figure our how to fight it."

Doc shook his head. Grissom was going to end up grabbing at straws when it all was said and done, but at the same time he was able to understand the younger man's need to try and shield his wife from the pain of infertility. Robbins released a long breath. "I'll com by tomorrow to visit Sara and we can work out how to handle exchanging information."

Grissom smiled, "Thank you, Al. So much," he said before ending the call feeling for the first time since he heard the word endometriosis that maybe, just maybe he would be able to conquer the beast and spare his Sara's fragile heart.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.

A/N: Unbetaed. I do own the mistakes. Only two more chapters to go! Please let me know what you think.

Chapter 19

Sara did not notice Grissom when he finally came to bed around midnight. Her body was still healing from the trauma of her miscarriage, bleeding, and surgery so she slept deeply.

About 9 AM Sara stirred when she heard the phone ringing. A quick look at Grissom revealed he was sleeping so she reached out quickly to grab the handset. "Hello," she whispered to the caller.

"Sara, hey, it's Nick," came the reply. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I just woke up," Sara replied. "Griss is still sleeping. I don't want to disturb him."

Carrying the phone with her Sara carefully slid out of bed and padded to the kitchen.

"How are you?" Nick asked. "I stopped by Tuesday but Grissom said you weren't up for company."

"No," Sara replied. "It was nice of you to come by though. This whole thing is hard, Nick, so much harder than I ever imagined."

"It's not something many people think about," Nick replied. "You put all of your plans into preparing for how you life will change when the baby comes you never stop to think about how it will change if it doesn't."

"Yeah," Sara sighed. "How do…"

"My brother's wife lost their baby," Nick replied. "I mentioned that to Grissom when I came by but he wasn't overly receptive."

"I imagine this is a hard experience for anyone to go through. I think Gil probably is just surprised by what he's feeling," Sara sighed.

"What is he feeling?" Nick asked.

"I don't know," Sara sighed. "I know whatever it is that the emotion is very intense. He's gotten better expressing basic feelings, feelings he can understand but when the feeling is new or different…he…he goes quiet until he decided what to do."

"If you need a place to go and be by yourself or need a shoulder…" Nick offered.

Sara half listened because a sound from the bedroom caught her attention. "Nick, I have to run," she said quickly. "Thanks for calling."

"Let us know if you need anything," Nick said gently.



"Sure," Sara replied. "I'll talk to you soon."

The call ended and Sara hurried back to the bedroom. Grissom was still asleep but was tossing and turning on his side of their large bed. Sara knelt down beside him and reached out a gentle hand. "Gil," she said softly at first applying light pressure to his forearm. "Gil, honey, wake up now."

Locked in a dream world of horror and pain Grissom tried to claw his way out to safety. He carried something, a small package, through all of the fire, smoke, blood, and other distractions he could see. He could not make out what it was he was guarding. As he ran, his heart pounding, pulse racing he seemed only to go deeper into the fog.

Out of nowhere Grissom heard a soft, gentle voice calling to him, coaxing him, leading him to safety and security. He fought to follow it, to get near it, but the closer he came to reaching everything the voice promised the deeper his fear and pain became.

Sara was trying unsuccessfully to rouse Grissom for nearly ten minutes when finally his body jerked awake and he sat up in bed, ramrod straight and breathing heavily.

Sara squeezed the arm she'd been holding tightly and murmured words of assurance. "Gil, it's all right," she comforted. "It's all right. I'm here. Come down, calm down."

Grissom tried to focus on his Sara's face. He could hear the love in her words and see the concern in her eyes. He knew she wanted nothing more than for him to take her in his arms and hold her close until he could relax and tell her of the demons he fought in his dreams and usually after he woke from a dream like this it was all he wanted as well, but this time, the thought of such contact repulsed him.

Grissom pulled his arm out of Sara's grasp and moved away from her. Sara took that as an invitation to join him on the bed so they could talk and comfort each other. Sara moved to kneel on the bed beside Grissom who was still fighting for air. "That must have been some dream," Sara sympathized. "But that's all it was, Gil. It was just a dream." She opened her arms, "Come here, sweetie. You need to slow your breathing. Come, let me hold you. It's okay."

When Grissom made no move to accept her offer Sara moved her own body toward him. Again Grissom recoiled as he finally found his voice. "I…Please, Sara, don't…He put up a hand to illustrate his wishes. "Don't touch me right now. I don't want to be touched."

Sara backed off a bit sensing that where Grissom had just been subconsciously had been unsettling to him. "All right, all right," Sara said softly. "Just try to focus on calming down. I'll get you some water or would you like tea?"

"Water's fine," Grissom replied. "Thank you."

Sara hurried to the kitchen and filled a cup with cool water. Grissom usually only had dreams like this when he was under severe stress. She knew he was trying to be strong for her as she dealt with losing 

the baby, but he had to have time to grieve as well. As Sara made her way to the bedroom, she promised herself she would give him that chance.

Grissom had just stepped out of the bathroom when Sara returned with his water. He sat down on the edge of the mattress and placed his elbows on his knees. Sara approached him carefully.

"Here's your water," she announced more to break the silence than anything else.

"Just set it down," he replied eyes fixed on the floor.

Sara placed the cup on the nightstand then sat on the bed next to Grissom. She slowly reached for his hand. He didn't pull away but he didn't hold her hand in return either.

"Gil, I need you to know how much your support and strength have meant to me," Sara confessed. "This is the hardest thing I've ever done and you know what I've lived through in my life. I could not; I cannot get through this without you. But I also need and want for you to let me hold you sometimes. The ba…Thomas was your son…too and…Let yourself miss him, Gil. Let yourself mourn his loss. Don't hide behind wall and don't pull away from me, please."

"I'm not pulling away, Sara," Grissom sighed. "Not at all. This has nothing to do with the baby or mourning the baby."

"Then what is it, Gil?" Sara asked. "You are obviously…"

"Sara, let it go. I had a lot on my mind before the miscarriage and I have even more on it now. This was the last thing I needed right now," Grissom said harshly pulling his hand from Sara's grasp.

"I know, Gil," Sara tried to sympathize though Grissom's harsh words stung. "Maybe though there is a good side of this. You can use the leave time Ecklie gave to you decompress…"

"I'm not taking the full leave," Grissom informed her. "I can't afford to be out of work that long. You'll be feeling stronger in a few days. I'll go back then."

"Gil, sweetheart, I really think…" Sara began, but Grissom cut her off sharply.

"This issue is not open for debate," he stated firmly rising from the bed. He reached for his sweats and pulled them on over his boxers. "I'm going to the study to do some work. Al is probably going to come by after shift; I have some things to discuss with him. He may want to check on you and offer his sympathies. I would greatly appreciate you allowing that."

"Sure," Sara replied not sure if any other answer or comment would be welcomed. She had rarely seen Gil this way, so cold and distant. It was part of his personality to be analytical and studious which often resulted in him being quiet but rarely had he behaved as he just had with her since they got together.

After her DUI a few years ago the Grissom she remembered from her graduate work and early career started to emerge from his self constructed cocoon. At first he called her about every other day and they would talk about everything or nothing. After what Grissom viewed as her "close call" with pipe 

explosives his calls increased to every day and on days when work was particularly rough for either of them he would call twice.

After Ecklie was promoted and their team split up, Grissom had called and asked if she would have coffee with him. He had admitted he was angry about what Ecklie had done, but more so he was upset at himself for his contribution to those events. Sara had tried to ease his worry about that, though she was unsure if she actually succeeded she knew Grissom felt better after their talk.

The coffee dates became a staple, each day after work they would meet at a bookstore or record shop with a built in coffeehouse and sit and talk to each other about everything and nothing. Slowly but surely Grissom regained Sara's confidence as she revealed more and more about what made her tick. After a very ugly clash with Catherine and Ecklie, Grissom paid Sara a house call. She was surprised he had come to her house; she still planned to meet him for coffee as she always did. Still his presence and gentle persistence lulled her to tell the final piece of her life story.

Grissom held her so tightly and for so long after she entrusted her most guarded secret to him. He tried to calm her down and love her without crossing the invisible line they had drawn. Still after that moment, Sara knew that her life and relationship with Grissom was forever changed.

It seemed to Sara that she won the last piece of Grissom's trust by finally trusting him. As soon as she revealed her final secrets Grissom started sharing all of his secrets systematically removing the walls he'd erected around his heart. The final wall fell after Sara was nearly killed at the state hospital by Adam Trent. Grissom insisted on remaining with her overnight to make sure she would be okay. He wanted to be there to hold her when she awoke afraid and cold so he could protect and warm her. Instead, he ended up being the one in need of comfort.

They made love that night, both moved to tears by the enormity of the action. They had both become naked that day, bother in a figurative and literal sense and had remained so in their personal lived until just now. Sara could see Grissom hard at work replacing his walls to banish the pain he was feeling but she was determined not to allow him to hide.

Sara was still not allowed to shower and if Doc did come by she was going to ask his opinion about when she might be able to take a bath. Instead she sponge bathed as thoroughly as her healing incisions would allow and slipped into a pair of oversized workout pants and a clean top. Sara completed the comfortable ensemble with a pair of flip-flops then went to seek Grissom in his study.

The door was closed when Sara approached so she raised her hand and knocked. She waited a minute until she heard Grissom's muffled acknowledgment. Sara opened the door but did not go all the way into the office. Instead she leaned against the doorway like she would at work, "Gil, I…"

"What Sara?" Grissom sighed. "I have a lot of work backing up here. If this isn't important…"

Sara raised both hands in surrender then backed away. "Of course not," she choked out. "I'm only your wife, the person you love, the person who loved you. The same person who up until three days ago was carrying you son and who is still deeply grieving him. All I was going to ask for was for us to spend some 

time together because I know you are grieving too even if you refuse to show it, but that is nowhere near as important as whatever you are doing."

Grissom had turned his attention back to the computer screen half-way through Sara's tirade. When he didn't answer her, she spoke, "Don you have anything to say?"

Grissom looked at her over his glasses, "No, I don't even know what you said. I stopped listening."

"Great," Sara groaned exasperated leaving the office door ajar as she whistled for Bruno. The boxer came bounding into the kitchen and kissed Sara's hand while she put his leash on him. Holding his lead loosely she grabbed the classified ads of an old newspaper and plastic bag before walking with Bruno and opening the front door.

"That was something," Doc Robbins said in greeting when he saw Sara. "I didn't even ring the bell."

"Bruno needs his walk," Sara replied. "Gil's in his office. Go on in."

"Don't go too far," Doc advised. "You are still in recovery. Where precisely are you headed?"

"I'm not sure," Sara said heavily. "At the moment wherever Gil is not."

Dr. Robbins watched a moment as Sara walked away from the house before going in and making his way to Grissom's study. Grissom heard footsteps approach his door.

"Sara, honey, I'm …" Grissom began without looking up from his work.

"Sara is walking your dog," Robbins said as he stopped into the room. She seemed angry when she left. I assume you told her about her condition."

"No," Grissom admitted. "What I did was far worse than that."

Doc Robbins sat in the chair across from Grissom and handed him a folder from his bag, "I sifted through some of my medical texts last night and photocopied the pages dealing with endometriosis and specifically Stage IV endometriosis and its implications on fertility."

"Thank you, Al," Grissom replied. "Really it means a lot that you did this. I am going to need a plan before I talk to Sara."

"Do you think that will make it easier for her to take?" Doc asked.

"Knowing how to proceed with something like that usually does," Grissom answered. "The scariest part of this is usually the absence of answers to a million questions."

"But answers to her questions is probably not what Sara will need from you," Doc sighed. "She has an OBGYN for that. She has me for that. You're her husband, Gil. Its support and love she'll need from you."

"I know, Al. That's the reason for me gathering this information," Grissom replied. "I need to try and understand this, comprehend it so I can determine when and how or even if to break the news to her."

"If Jim were here new instead of me he'd call you an ass for even considering the idea or not telling Sara," Doc said sharply. "It's Sara's body and she has a right to know what's going on with it. Not to mention the fact that she could at anytime become symptomatic, that means abdominal pain, internal bleeding, nausea, pain during her cycle, heavy to sever bleeding during her cycle, pain during intercourse…It's all there in the case study. Endometriosis complications can be very serious and appear very suddenly. Sara needs to know she had this condition so if she does have a problem she'll know what to tell the doctors and even more importantly, she won't be scared out of her wits. You have got to tell her or I'm going to have to tell her."

Grissom listened intensely as Doc spoke. He knew Al was right. Sara had the right to know what he doctor had found. It was selfish of him to hide the truth from her because in reality he was only keeping his silence so he could avoid dealing with his own feelings. Grissom knew no matter what Sara would need him; need his love, and strength. He feared that because the entire ordeal from the pregnancy to the miscarriage and surgery had drained him so severely he wasn't sure he could be what Sara needed. All he knew was Sara deserved his best shot at it.

With a tired sigh Grissom slid his glassed off and squeezed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "Would you, Al?" Grissom asked softly. "I thought I'd be able to handle it but…I want to hold her hand while she finds this out, not holding the bomb that's going to be dropped on her."

"Of course, I will, Gil," Doc quickly agreed. "As soon as she comes back with your dog I will check her over and we'll talk about this. You made a very good decision, Gil. A miscarriage and diagnosis of infertility is a hard thing, but it is a couple's disease and you need to handle it as such."

The men talked lightly about other things until Sara returned home with Bruno. When Grissom heard Sara in the kitchen refilling the dog's food bowl he excused himself to apologize for his earlier behavior.

"Sara," Grissom said cautiously from the doorway. "Honey, I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier. I know I hurt you and me…I didn't mean…"

Sara closed the space between them, "I know you didn't, Gil. I know," she told him softly. "It's alright honey."

Grissom raised his hands from his sides and pulled Sara close by placing on hand on either hip, "I love you," he whispered. "Doc is in my study. He'd like to check your wounds and talk with us a bit."

"Okay," Sara agreed. "I'm fine though. I'm only a little tired."

"I know," Grissom replied. "Still it can't hurt for him to look, right?" 

Sara agreed it couldn't and allowed Grissom to lead her to their bedroom and help her bare her incisions. Doc Robbins came in when Grissom called and gently checked Sara's sutures. "You are healing 

beautifully, Sara. There will likely be some bruising in the next few days, but so far the cuts are well stitched and there isn't any infection. Still, rest is important."

"You listen to Doc, Sara," Grissom ordered. "She's been trying to push the last few times…"

"I'll be better Gil," Sara assured him. "I promise."

"Good. Gil, why don't you help Sara get dressed then we can talk for a bit," Doc said leaning on is cane as he left the room.

"That sounded serious," Sara sighed as Grissom carefully bandaged her abdomen.

"It's a bit serious," Grissom replied. "I actually asked Doc to talk with you about something, talk with us and he agreed." Grissom lowered Sara's blouse after he taped the last bit of gauze.

"Are you all right, Gil?" Sara asked worriedly.

"Let's just go talk with Al," Grissom urged. "Come on, honey."

Nervously biting her lower lip Sara slid off the bed and followed Grissom to the living room where Doc Robbins was waiting. Al was seated in Gil's chair so Grissom and Sara sat side by side on the sofa. Grissom took Sara's hand and cradled it between his two hands. Both Grissom and Sara looked at Doc with anxious eyes.

"Sara, Gil asked me to drop over today not just to examine you but to ask my opinion and advice on something," Doc began. "He wanted to tell you this himself, but since he has very little knowledge about this we thought it would be best if I told you."

"Okay, I'm really worried now," Sara said. "What's going on here? Gil, are you sick?" She looked at him in fear.

"No," Grissom replied. "Just listen, Sara."

Sara turned her gaze back to Doc though her grip on Grissom's hand tightened, "Go on," she encouraged.

"Well, Sara, you know that you initially went to the hospital for a D&C to clean out any debris from the miscarriage and you know you needed some further surgery because of bleeding," Doc stated. "During that procedure, the laparoscopy, your doctor found the cause of your bleeding was a female reproductive condition, endometriosis."

"Endometrio…Doesn't that…I mean I got pregnant," Sara babbled. "Are they sure? I…"

"Yes, Sara," Doc confirmed. "They are sure. This disease is a chronic condition, not life threatening but it can cause an array of secondary problems. Your endometriosis is advanced at Stage IV."

"But I feel fine," Sara argued. "I don't feel sick or have pain…"



"Not everyone does," Doc answered. "You are lucky. Still at Stage IV over 90 of women are rendered completely infertile."

"Fine, sure," Sara said. "Still I got pregnant with Thomas and we weren't even trying. I guess I'm not in that group."

"Sara, Gil spoke with your doctor after your surgery. She told him it was beyond a miracle you conceived naturally. The odds you will do that…conceive again are only about 5 with extensive fertility treatments," Doc explained. "I am so sorry Sara. I really am deeply sorry. Are you…do you understand what this means?"

"It means I can't have a baby," Sara bit out. "Not much else matters."

Doc nodded, "Your endometriosis tissue is gone now. Your doctor removed it, but it can come back and you might have symptoms if it does. I brought over some information and of course I will always be available for questions if you think of any."

Sara nodded and looked away toward Grissom pain evident in her eyes. Grissom knew she was holding things in for Doc's sake so he quickly stepped in, "Thank you for your help, Al. I appreciate it."

Doc took his cue and rose, "I'll let myself out, Gil. You both take it easy and call if you need anything at any time. I mean it." With those parting words Doc moved to the door and left the Grissom's to grieve their losses alone.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I bet you all though I wasn't going to finish this story, but I am back with this chapter and one more to follow. We will deal with Sara and Gil's future in the sequel entitled Molehills. I do not have a release day as of yet, as I have a few other pieces in the works as well. I took a hiatus for health reasons and I have been doing better. I am glad to be back to writing for my favorite shows and I hope I see reviews from my favorite fans and authors.**

**Thanks for your patience. All mistakes are mine or the cat's. No beta.**

Chapter 20

As soon as Robbins was out of sight Grissom pulled Sara to him and enveloped her small frame in his arms. "It's okay, baby," he murmured trying to sooth her pain.

Instead of relaxing in Grissom's embrace as he wished Sara would do, she tensed and pulled away, her brown eyes aglow with unshed tears and anger. "When were you going to tell me?" she asked softly, a sign that meant she was very angry.

"I…I don't know," Grissom replied. "I…I was trying to adjust myself, to learn about this before I said anything to you. You've been through so much."

"So you decided to keep quiet until I adjusted to the miscarriage?" Sara tried to confirm. "Or until you got up enough nerve to tell me?"

"I don't know, Sara," Grissom said again. "I can't stand this, this seeing you hurt and upset. After everything we've gone through, I needed to be able to do something for you, map out a plan on what to do for you. I asked Al because he has more experience in this than anyone else we know. That's no excuse I realize, I was just very confused and overwhelmed."

"Is that why you were so restless last night and so hostile this morning?" Sara asked her anger fading.

"Part of it at least," Grissom sighed. "The only thing I hate more than seeing you hurt is being the person that hurts you especially when there's nothing I can do about it. I lashed out, but I can apologize for that. I…I know how badly you want a family, and this will make that very difficult. I was…I am very confused."

"I know you hate not knowing things," Sara sighed. "Let's just focus of moving on after Thomas, on grieving for him. The rest can wait for now. We can't do anything now if we wanted to do something. Let's take our time and concentrate on healing and loving each other. Okay?"

"Okay," Grissom agreed with a small smile. "I have to say you are handling this news far better than I thought you would."

"That always was your problem," Sara laughed. "You always underestimate me, Dr. Grissom. Still for the record the next time something along this line happens, I want you to stay in your role as husband and leave the medical news o the professionals. I want you beside me, not across from me. Got it?"

"What do those academy recruits say when you speak to them in that tone?" Grissom asked.

"That depends. The smart ones say, "Yes, ma'am," Sara replied.

"Okay then," Grissom laughed leaning over to place a kiss on Sara's lips. "No one ever accused me of not being smart. Yes, ma'am."

"Be careful," Sara warned stifling a yawn. "I could get used to that."

"Feeling tired, honey?" Grissom asked his light tone become more sincere and caring.

"Only a little," Sara answered. "Not as tired as before but this time I hate the reason, you know? It seems like everything I went through, the fear over telling you, the nausea, the dizzy spells, and hot flashes were for nothing."

Grissom slid his arm around Sara's shoulders and pulled her close, "It wasn't for nothing, Sara. We might not have…have a tiny new son at the end of the road, but Thomas still existed inside you and your body still nourished and sheltered him. That was still something Sara. Don't let anyone tell you it wasn't."

Sara felt tears stinging the back of her eyes at Grissom's remarks. While she wasn't sure if she wanted to focus on the chance that she'd never bare a child Sara had to ask, "Gil, if we decide that we want to try and have a baby could we really try for it?"

"When the time comes, Sara," Grissom replied. "We certainly can try anything and everything at least once. Doc left a lot of material about your condition and I'm sure somewhere in that pile is information on fertility treatments. Still, we are nowhere close to that yet."

Sara yawned again, "I know. I just wanted to know what you would say."

"Now you know," Grissom replied."It's about time I started on our dinner. I'd like you to go rest for a little while until it's ready, okay? You can take Bruno with you."

"I am tired," Sara replied. "Nothing too heavy, okay? My stomach isn't ready yet."

"Leave it to me," Grissom told her. "Now go and rest. Beat it."

Sara called their dog and retired to the bedroom for some rest. She managed well enough to hide her physical pain from Grissom. She had overdone it earlier by walking the dog, but she knew to reveal that to Gil would only result in his feeling guilty over how he had acted. He felt guilty enough right then about a lot of things, there was no reason to add to his burdens. He, after all, was grieving too, but he'd been so busy caring for her he'd yet to release it. Sara curled on her side with their faithful canine by her side. Sara stroked his soft fur as a fresh batch of tears began to fall from her eyes. She'd lost many people in her life and had seen many things, but this emotion, the intense all consuming grief was knew to her.

After her father's murder when the psychiatrists and court appointed guardians had finally permitted Sara to see her mother, the haunted eyes that mirrored her own met Sara's gaze. A shaky, rough hand held Sara's firmly as Laura spoke, "I know you can't understand now, Sara Beth," Laura had told her. "But someday you will have a baby of your own, and then, then you will see."

It wasn't until after Laura's trial that Sara learned her mother had been pregnant and that a brutal beating by her father had caused Laura to miscarry the child. That coupled with Laura's witnessing her husband abusing Sara finally pushed her over the edge. Catherine had always said there was nothing more fearsome that a mother protecting her baby, and now, Sara realized the truth in that. Her life until now had taught her that mother's needed to be selfless, now she felt as if she learned the rest of the lesson.

Sara didn't know how long she had lain on the bed crying and thinking about her mother, her life, the baby she'd lost, but before she knew it Grissom was beside her with a tray of food.

"You were supposed to be resting," he scolded gently. "Dinner is served."

"Thank you," Sara sniffled pushing into the sitting position, a movement which caused her to cry out in pain.

Grissom quickly set the tray down and pushed Sara back into the pillows, "Hey, hey," he soothed gently. "Take it easy. Lie back. Lie back."

"I'm okay," Sara rushed to reassure Grissom. "I just moved too fast and my stitches pulled. I missed a dose of pain medicine."

"That's my fault," Grissom said softly. "I'm sorry, love. Would you like a pill now or after you eat a bit?"

Sara was in so much pain she wasn't sure she could wait for her meal to get some relief, however if she didn't eat the pills would upset her already delicate stomach. "I'll try a bit," she replied, her voice strained.

"I'll help you up a bit, okay?" Grissom asked. "Lift your arms and put your hand on my shoulder."

Sara did as he asked only to feel the stinging pain become an intense burning from inside her stomach. She cried out again as Grissom moved her, "Gil! Stop!"

At Sara's cry, Grissom stopped moving her and tried his best to ease her back against the pillows. "Sara, I have to look at your cuts, sweetheart. I have to look at your cuts. I think you…"

"Broke a stitch?"Sara hissed. "I did. God, Gil, it really hurts. Call Doc. Please."

"Sara you are bleeding. You can't wait for Doc. We need to go to the emergency room," Grissom told her. "I don't want to move you any more so I'm going to call an ambulance."

"Gil, I don't need…" Sara began to argue but Grissom quickly cut her off with a firm tone.

"Yes, Sara you do," he said. "No arguments. I'm calling the ambulance. If you argue, I'll use the radio and every officer in this zone that has taken bets on the color of our bedroom wallpaper will be in here. I'll be right back. Stay still."

Ten minutes later a capable and compassionate EMT crew arrived at the house. As the pair loaded Sara into the back of the ambulance Grissom made a move to head for their personal car."

"Gil?" Sara whimpered once Grissom's hand left hers.

"I'm going to drive behind you, honey," he said softly. "So when you are mended we can…"

"Stay with me," Sara's eyes pleaded before Grissom could finish his thought. Grissom smiled at Sara, "Okay, honey. We'll get a cab home. I'm not leaving you."

A short while later the ambulance pulled up to Desert Palm ER. The EMT crew was greeted by a triage team to whom they relayed Sara's relevant information. Sara was given a yellow priority tag and sent back immediately to one of the exam rooms.

They were met by a young doctor who intercepted Grissom's path, "Sir, you are going to have to wait outside in the waiting room."

"No," Grissom protested. "I want to stay with my wife, please. We only lost our baby three days ago. She needs me."

"All right," the nurse sighed. "Buy stay out of our way when we need to work."

Grissom did his best to stay out of the nurse's way as Sara was set up on an ER gurney and had her vital signs taken. Also, in the exam room was another couple, the wife Grissom assumed near the end of some debilitating illness given her pale sunken cheeks and atrophied muscles and the husband, healthy to the casual eye holding her frail withered hand as he prayed the rosary. How alike things could seem and still be very different.

"Sir, we are very busy tonight," Sara's nurse told Grissom as she pulled the curtain closed between the older couple and Sara. "Your wife is stable and she's not losing much blood. A doctor will be in soon and I'm sure the resident on call will want an OB consultation as well. We'll be with you as soon as possible."

"Thank you," Grissom replied. "Did you give her anything for pain? She was in a lot of pain."

"I'll speak with the doctor the minute she's available and get her to order something, " the nurse assured him. "In the mean time, keep her calm and quiet."

"I will," Grissom replied. "Thank you very much."

Once the nurse left Grissom closed the distance between the corner where he had been waiting and Sara's bedside. "The doctor will be here soon to give you something for your pain, honey," he said soothingly lifting her hand to his lips and placing a kiss on her knuckles.

"It isn't so bad now," Sara said her voice husky and tired. "We could have waiting for Al."

"That would have been too risky," Grissom sighed. "You needed to be treated in the ER."

Sara decided to stop arguing and enjoyed the feel of Grissom's hand as he softly caressed her hand and arm over and over again. His skin on hers was almost hypnotic when coupled with the scent she always associated with him. She was so relaxed that by the time the nurse returned with the medication she barely felt the needle in her arm.

"Dr. Eisenberg will be with you as soon as possible," the nurse told Grissom. "The shot will make her sleep. Help yourself to coffee or anything from the machine."

Grissom nodded and once he noticed by Sara's even breathing that she was asleep, he quickly slipped out of the exam room to stretch his legs. On his second lap past Sara's room Grissom noticed her roommate's husband in the hall. The older man smiled at Grissom. "You have a beautiful wife," he said.

"Thank you," the older man said. "I'm Mitchum. Call me Mick."

Grissom extended his hand, "I'm Gil. My wife is Sara."

"Elizabeth," Mick replied. "I call her Lizzy. She always claimed to hate it but I know better."

"Has…" Grissom began feeling his companion needed to talk yet unsure if he should intrude. "Has she been sick for a long time?"

"Last few years off and on," Mick replied. "We're nearing the end of the road now, for all of us. It's bone cancer."

"I'm very sorry, Mick," Grissom said honestly. "That can be rough."

"It is, but I do feel that Lizzy and I had a good run," Mick said. "We've been married nearly 60 years. We have 5 children and 16 grandchildren. It is said but I have 64 years of beautiful memories. That is lucky."

"I guess it is," Grissom replied.

"How about your Sara?" Mick asked. "Is she very ill?"

"No," Grissom answered. "No she had an operation a few days ago and broke open her sutures. She always over dose things."

"Lizzy gets on me all the time, 'Mick,' she'd say. 'What you say is overdoing is really underdoing.'"

"Sara never said that, she actually accuses me of being an overachiever," Grissom smiled. "We're lucky. Sara wasn't hurt more severely. It's my fault. It's my fault she'd here."

As the words left Grissom's lips, he surprised himself at how much he was revealing to Mick. Mick would be about his father's age had his dad lived, perhaps that was the connection. Or perhaps it was deeper, a link existing between two men that deeply loved and were deeply loved in return.

"Mine too," Mick replied quickly then asked. "How do you mean? You didn't hurt her?"

"Many times I have," Grissom replied. "Today was no exception. Sara…she was pregnant. She lost the baby and when the doctor removed it…him, our son…I'm sorry. I shouldn't be bothering you with this."

"It's not a bother if I want to hear it," Mick replied. "Go on, Gil."

"Thank you," Grissom replied. "Just when her doctor operated to remove the left over…the baby's body, Sara started to bleed and once the doctor opened her to find out why she determined Sara can probably never have a child. I hid it from her, kept it quiet I wanted to protect her, but all I did was let it eat at me and wear on me until the stress made me lash out at her and hurt her feelings. She walked our dog to get away from me…that's probably why she…why her stitches weakened and why she's here now in pain…No matter how many times I promise myself I'm done hurting her, I still do it anyway."

"Of course you do," Mick replied. "Because you're human. We always hurt our loved one. We aren't perfect. We make mistakes. What matters is that we make up for them. What counts is that you give her all of your love now, the past is the past, that's over, and whatever mistakes were made or not made no longer matter. What matters is that you love your wife and that you try to always show that to her, that you atone from your mistakes and go on. All that counts is why you did something, even if it back fires, if you do something out of love, it has to be pure."

"I'm not sure Sara sees it that way," Grissom sighed. "We…I wasted so much time being afraid, being ignorant, hell being scared. That was all me and purely selfish."

"Gil, I don't know what happened earlier between you and Sara, all I know is now you have her in your life as your wife. That time is precious and believe me it goes faster than you think," Mick advised. "Don't waste it."

Grissom nodded his agreement with Mick's words as Dr. Eisenberg arrived at the room. "Mr. Grissom, we meet again," she greeted. "You are looking better."

"I'm feeling better," Grissom replied as they began walking into the room.

"What seems to be the problem?" Dr. Eisenberg asked.

"Sara pulled a stitch," Grissom said. "She had surgery Wednesday. She was in pain and there was bleeding."

"Okay," Dr. Eisenberg smiled. "If you'll wake her I'll have a look and see what needs to be done."

Grissom gently shook Sara awake and watched like a hawk as Dr. Eisenberg examined her. Once she finished, she appeared to be laughing.

"What's funny?" Grissom asked with a hint of anger.

"Nothing. Sara, you are fine. You pulled open your center external suture," the doctor said. "I know it hurt badly, but the cut and oozing are no worse than from a razor nick. You certainly didn't need to come to the ER."

"That's what I told him," Sara sighed. "He insisted."

Nodding sympathetically Dr. Eisenberg smiled. "I'll have someone come and replace the suturing. You will need to be more careful in the future."

"I'll see to that," Grissom assured her. "Are you going to call her OB?"

"There is no need for a consult," Dr Eisenberg said. "She is fine."

"With all due respect, you are an ER doctor, not a gynecologist," Grissom stated. "I want an OB specialist to see her."

"Gil, honey," Sara broke in gently. "Dr. Eisenberg is right. I'm not bleeding anymore; the suture is going to be replaced. It's fine."

"Sara, you had major surgery and before we came in tonight you were in pain and bleeding," Grissom said sharply. "I want you to be examined by a specialist. Will you call one please?"

"If you so desire, yes," Dr. Eisenberg sighed. "Dr. Simpson is out OB tonight. I'll page him." On that note Dr. Eisenberg left the room shaking her head slightly. Over her shoulder she asked, "Mr. Grissom, can I see you outside please?"

"I don't want to leave…" Grissom began.

Mick broke in, "Go with the doctor if she needs you. I'll stay and keep Sara company."

Gil looked down at Sara, "I'll be right back, honey. Mick will keep…"

"Gil, go," Sara ordered.

Grissom looked hurt, but followed Dr. Eisenberg into the hall.

A moment later Mick was standing beside Sara's bed. "You are a very lucky young lady," he smiled. "Your husband loved you very much."

"My husband is losing his mind," Sara grumbled. "He drags me in her by ambulance for a tiny stitch, orders a very skilled ER doctor to get an unnecessary consult, and then argues when she wants to talk to him. If he keeps this up he's going to be the one in the hospital bed.

"Cool down, cool down," Mick soothed. "Sara, do you mind if I give you a bit of advice?"

"Who are you?" Sara asked realizing her companion was a stranger.

"Mick, you roommates husband," Mick smiled. "I kept Gil company while you slept. We have a nice talk."

"That must be the drugs," Sara laughed. "Gil can barely bring himself to talk to me."

"I'm safe," Mick replied. "He's not worried about upsetting me like he is you. I see myself in Gil's eyes. He adores you, but he also needs you, especially right now. Don't be angry with him for caring or worrying."

"But there's nothing to worry about," Sara sighed. "I'm going to be fine. I'm not sick."

"No, but there are things that go through a man's mind while he waits for news on a loved one, watches a loved one cry, some just have a harder time dealing with that than others," Mick explained. "He's shaken, Sara, I know you can see that. He's got to let go of his fear so you can move on with your lives. You are the only one who can help him do that. He needs you."

Sara listened to the older man's wise advice and offered him a smile of gratitude. "Thank you. Your wife is very lucky, too. I'll remember her in my thoughts and prayers. And you."

Mick smiled, "Thank you, honey. You rest now; you'll need your strength and y our patience."

Meanwhile, Dr. Eisenberg was speaking to Grissom in the hall. "Mr. Grissom, I can't understand what you must be feeling right now, but given the last time I saw you your blood pressure was high I'm concerned about stress."

"We lost our baby, Doctor," Grissom said flatly. "Of course that's stressful. I'll be okay when Sara is okay."

"Sara is fine," Dr. Eisenberg assured him. "All she needs once we fix her stitches is to rest at home in her own bed with your love and support. I promise you Sara is alright. If she goes home and gets worse you can bring her back and I'll look at her first thing. Sara doesn't need a long drawn out exam and neither do you. You both need time to rest and let yourselves grieve. Take her home, Mr. Grissom. It's the best medicine."

Grissom had reservations but finally agreed to the doctor's suggestion, "How soon will she be stitched?"

"I'll send in our intern as soon as he finished the laceration he's working on now," she said. "It's won't be long."

Grissom nodded and returned to Sara's side. "The intern is coming in soon," he told her softly.

"Good," Sara replied. "Then we can get home."

Grissom took Sara's hand in his, every once in awhile sneaking a side long glance at Mick as they waited for Sara's treatment and discharge. Grissom knew he'd overreacted and he knew Sara was angry with him, but that would have to wait just a little while longer until she was home and in bed with him, exactly where he liked her to be.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Here it is ladies and gentlemen, the final chapter of Mountains. I thank all of your for reading and for being patient. I will begin working on the sequel within the month and hope to begin posting then as well. Once again this is not betaed so all errors are my own. Reviews appreciated.**

Chapter Twenty-One

Half an hour later Grissom and Sara left the hospital and started home. Sara was still tired from the pain killer so she said very little. Grissom was lost in his own thoughts so he too was silent.

Grissom walked Bruno and fed him while Sara settled on the bed. Grissom knew she was angry about his display at the hospital so after he changed and joined her in bed he tried to offer an apology, "I'm sorry I overreacted. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"You did," Sara sighed. "You can't fix it, Gil. It is what it is. You can't coddle me now because of the baby. It won't bring him back. As a matter of fact your fussing only reminds me more that we lost him, as if I needed reminding."

"I know, my love," Grissom sighed. "I'm sorry. I…I wasn't thinking. I know the reminders are everywhere around here. I can't help that, all I can do is love and support you." Grissom placed a kiss on Sara's cheek. "Now I want you to try and eat about half of the meal I fixed before we had to leave. Not too much, okay?"

"Okay," Sara softly agreed. "Only because you asked me to, Gil. The drugs made me queasy."

"I know, honey," Grissom sympathized.

Grissom left Sara to rest while he went to reheat their dinner. Gil's whole body ached with pain over what Sara had to go through physically and emotionally. Everywhere he looked he was reminded of Thomas and the boy hadn't been growing his body. He thought about the ultrasound photo in his wallet and the tiny stuffed bear hidden in his desk. Once her went back to work Sara would be home alone. She always used the computer in is study and cleaned up around his desk. If Sara came across that tiny bear while she was alone she would positively shatter. He quickly made a mental note to hide the bear where Sara wouldn't find it.

When Grissom returned with supper it was all Sara could do to hold the fork she was so drugged and tired. As she ate tiny bites she graced Grissom with a loving smile, "I feel sorry for that old man. Mick, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Grissom replied. "He's a sweet old guy. He kept me company while you slept. He's been married to his wife fifty years. I can't imagine spending my life without you after two years. He's facing Hell."

"I don't know," Sara sighed. "Actually I think part of him loves it. Watching someone you love suffer can be more agonizing than letting them go sometimes. They only thing worse is being the cause of the pain. If it were me in that bed in pain like that poor woman I'd want to die so you didn't want to watch it. It's so sad, a long death."

"A death like that gives you time to say goodbye to the people you love," Grissom pointed out to her. "It gives you closure."

"It can also kill the memories, Gil," Sara said. "And leave behind sorrow and pain. I'm not sure a goodbye is worth that."

"You do have a point," Grissom agreed. "Now is not the time for such talk. You are tired and need your rest. I have a few things to do then I'll join you." Grissom leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Sara's lips. "I love you."

"Mmm," was Sara's soft reply as she drifted to sleep.

Sara awoke hours later with a pressing need to use the bathroom. She rolled over to her side and peered at the alarm clock. It was long after midnight and Grissom's side of their bed was still neatly made. Careful not to pull her abdominal muscles too severely Sara slipped out of bed and tended to her personal needs before pulling on Grissom's heavy terry cloth robe and going in search of him. The entire house was pitch black, not even a lamp or computer screen providing illumination.

She had been worried about Gil. She knew that after his initial worry about the baby he had grown to love little Thomas just as deeply she did though he hadn't shed a tear or expressed a single emotion other than anger or worry over her healing.

Slowly Sara walked toward the kitchen. Gil liked to sit at the table sometimes in the dark and think when he couldn't sleep. Sara hoped to catch him in thought and get him to open up to her. She knew Gil had to be grieving too and it was not at all healthy for him or their marriage to keep it bottled up inside with nowhere to go. Gil had done that all his life and even though he knew he didn't have to do that now, he reverted to his old habits especially when his feelings were hurt.

As Sara approached the sofa, she heard a soft, gasping sound like nothing she'd ever heard before not even in all her years as a CSI. Sara slowed her step even more and listened attentively to try to make out where the sound was coming from because she had a pretty good idea what it was. The sound came again, louder this time, and it became clear that it was coming from their darkened living room. Careful not to step on any creaking floor boards and give Gil time to erect his walls Sara hurried to her husband's side. Finally, he was letting his pain go.

As she got closer and her eyes adjusted to the darkness Sara could make out her husband's form. He was dressed in only his boxers and teeshirt, sitting on the sofa with his shoulders hunched and shaking with pain. In his arms Gil was holding onto something for dear life, as if it was all he had left in the world. He was speaking as well though Sara knew he did not detect her presence.

"Daddy loved you," Sara head him say. "I loved you so much. You didn't have to go away. I'm sorry I made you go away."

Sara had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from gasping out loud at Grissom's whispered confession. Her calm, intelligence, rational husband had somehow convince himself they lost their baby because he had been hesistant in wanting one in the first place. The pain in Grissom's words was almost harder for Sara to bear than the actual loss of their child. How on earth could he think something like that?

Grissom fell silent and clutched the object he held on his lap close to his heart. He stopped trying to choke back his tears and let the sobs pour out of his body with such force he collapsed to one side leaning on his left elbow in order to remain upright.

Sara couldn't wait any more. Her husband was hurting and she had to go to him, had to soothe him, he was too far gone now to pull up his barriers even if he wanted to and Sara knew it. She chose not to speak as she approached, she didn't want to startle him by breaking the silence, so she merely moved to the back of the sofa and sat down upon the arm. Sara reached out her hand and began gently running her fingers through Gil's curly hair in slow soothing circles.

At first Grissom didn't even notice that Sara had joined him in the living room, it wasn't until the hand she had in his hair drifted to his cheek that he looked up and met her gaze. "I'm sorry," Grissom choked out. "God, Sara, I'm sorry."

"Ssh," Sara cooed to him pressing against the back of his neck so he could rest his head on her thigh. "Ssh, Gil. It's all right. I'm here; it's all going to be okay. You'll see. We'll be fine."

Grissom lifted his head and looked at Sara as if he had never seen her before. His swollen blue eyes turned cold, "How can you say that? Our son…our baby is gone; he's never coming back again. How can it be all right Sara?"

Sara used the opportunity given to her when Grissom moved back to slide down onto the sofa so she was seated on the cushion next to him. "Because it will be. We lost our baby, that hurts and we'll love him always, but our love…what we have will get this through it, won't it?"

"It just hurts so much, Sara. I…I miss him and we never even had him. I don't understand this; I can't make it out…"

"It's hardly an exact science," Sara admitted. "I only wish we learned that a long time ago we might be in very different places right now. But we loved each other through all of that, the mistakes, the heartache, if we could do it apart surely we can do it together."

"You say that now Sara but what if we never have a baby," Grissom sighed snuggling in close to Sara. "I never though of wanting children, I can get used to that again but…losing you…"

"You won't," Sara replied firmly tightening her grip on Grissom's body.

"I might," Grissom sighed. "You…Never mind all that, you need to get back into bed and rest. You need to get your strength back."

"No," Sara corrected. "I need to talk to my husband. Gil, when I was coming out here, I heard you talking…You said you loved Thomas and he didn't have to go away. What did you mean? Do you think this is your fault? Do you think…"

"I know it is my fault," Grissom replied. "I didn't want to try for a baby, I wasn't very open about it when I found out…I can't blame him for not wanting to…" Grissom swallowed as his eyes filled with tears again than ran down his cheeks. "And one day, you'll see, you'll see that it's true and…I love you Sara, and I loved Thomas. It hurts so much, so much…"

"I know, Gil," Sara soothed. "It hurts me too, you know that. But you know what's worse?"

Grissom didn't answer, just wiped away at the tears falling down his cheeks. Sara replied for him, "Knowing that you are in pain and not being allowed to help you. You always do that Gil, you always suffer alone, in silence, and you don't have to do that anymore. I don't want you to do that anymore."

Sara pulled Grissom closer to her and rocked him as he let the last of his anger and pain pour out of his body. He had so much emotion locked inside of him that Sara wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to calm himself down enough for her to talk to him more. Finally, after ten minutes, Grissom did calm. Sara then asked, "What were you holding onto so tightly before I came out here?"

Grissom lifted the tiny bear he had bought during his mother's visit. "I got it for Thomas. I was going to give it to you when he…when he came but…I didn't want you to find it when I wasn't here. I was going to get rid of it."

"No," Sara sighed. "No, Gil. Don't get rid of it. We may never want to look at it or use it for anything but…" Sara reached out for the stuffed animal. "This was the first gift that Thomas was going to get from his Daddy, and even though he isn't here in life, he's still inside of us. Let's…Let's put this away, with picture the doctor took and the blanket they gave us at the hospital. Who knows maybe years from now we might have a child of our own going through this and we can say, "See, it happened to us too and we are just fine."

"I love you so much, Sara," Grissom whispered placing the bear down and bringing her close for a kiss. "My brain knows that we didn't lose the baby because of me, but my heart…I've never felt anything like this before. I know what I'm feeling is so far from true, but I can't help it anyway. It's primal, out of control."

"I believe that feeling is love, Dr. Grissom," Sara replied with a soft smile. "Love isn't supposed to make sense. Look at us."

Grissom smiled a little, "What's a broken down old scientist doing with a young beautiful woman you mean?"

"No, actually I was thinking more along the lines of what is a handsome and intelligent gentleman doing with a screwed up foster kid?" Sara corrected. "The answer is there is no answer, I think we are going to have to get used to that if we do decide to try to have another child."

"I'm so far from thinking about that beyond knowing in my heart and my head that I do want a baby with you Sara," Grissom admitted. "I just…it's going to be so much harder than we thought."

"The best things in life are," Sara replied. "But we'll have each other, that's the most important thing, Gil. After everything we went through alone, all the mountains we had to climb, anything we can do together will seem like a molehill."

Grissom smiled and cocked an eyebrow at his bride, "Maybe not a molehill, perhaps an ant hill."

Sara laughed at the entirely appropriate comment and playfully smacked at Grissom chest, "Oh, Gil. Come on, let's get to bed. We'll need our rest even if it's only anthills we're climbing," Sara teased as she helped Grissom off the couch. Grissom set the bear on the sofa, and slid his arm around Sara's waist. She had been right, losing the baby would always hurt and trying for a family would not be easy, but as it was proven time and time again, they could do it, as long as they were together.

The End For Now


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